Finding Our Butterflies

2012-02-25T00:57:00.000-06:00

Cystic Fibrosis...

Cystic Fibrosis (CF) is an inherited chronic disease that affects the lungs and digestive system of about 30,000 children and adults in the United States (70,000 worldwide). A defective gene and its protein product cause the body to produce unusually thick, sticky mucus that:

clogs the lungs and leads to life-threatening lung infections; and
obstructs the pancreas and stops natural enzymes from helping the body break down and absorb food.
In the 1950s, few children with cystic fibrosis lived to attend elementary school. Today, advances in research and medical treatments have further enhanced and extended life for children and adults with CF. Many people with the disease can now expect to live into their 30s, 40s and beyond.

That is what Kristina was born with. She will deal with her disease her whole life unless a cure is found. And praise God they are close. We knew Kristina had Cystic Fibrosis when we adopted her and we did a lot of research to know if we could provide the best medical attention for her needs. And yes, we could!

Kristina has been healthy overall, however she has been sick a few times...but thanks to her awesome doctors at Children's Respiratory and Critical Care they get her feeling better in no time!! Kristina has to do treatments 2-4 times a day every day depending on how she is feeling. It is done by her breathing in medications through a mask connected to a nebulizer and also a vest that vibrates on her chest. The vest does what her lungs should do. She has been doing these treatments since she has been four years old and is really good about doing them and knows how important they are for her health.

Here is a website Cystic Fibrosis Foundation that has lots of interesting and up to date information on CF. In an effort to raise money for the foundation there are various fundraising events for people to participate in. This year our family will be participating in the Great Strides Walk. It's a walk sponsored by family and friends to raise money for finding a cure! There is a spot on my side bar to donate to the CF foundation to sponsor us. Our team name is Butterflies for Kristina. This year the walk is on May 19th...a special date for us since it was five years ago that we traveled to Serbia to meet and adopt Kristina. It is a special blessing.

Also we have a sponsor who will donate a percentage to our team. Cards for Any Moment will donate to us because they believe in children and want to support families that adopt or have special needs. I have a click on button to shop that is located on my side bar. I think they are the cutest things! They are little cards that you can slip to someone or put in a place that would be a surprise. Just a neat little way to say so many different things. Like love, reminders, encouragement and more...just check them out and see what fun you could have!

Kristina is our daughter, a gift from God, and we would do anything to help her live a long life. The predicted median age for a person with CF is in their late thirty's. That is only 29 years away give or take a few years. Not long...will she have time to finish college, get married, have kids or a career? Will she have time to travel? Will she have time to live? God willing she will...she would have a much better chance with a cure. Again we knew that Kristina had CF when we fell in love with her, we knew the statistics...but when God says here is your child you just go and get her! And I will say this...her birth mother gave her up so she could live. She is counting on us to keep her alive. She loves her daughter but could not give her the medication that is available here in the US. I will remember her last hug with Kristina before she handed her to me...I watched her walk away...

Please think about how important life is and how most of us take it for granted. How breathing just comes without problems for us...wow really something to think about. If you can't donate I understand, I really do! But then can I ask you to pray for us, pray for the walk, raising money, but most of all the health of our precious daughter! Thank you!

2012-02-23T16:10:00.002-06:00

Brothers...

Yes, they are brothers! They both wanted to have a mustache like daddy! Aren't they SO cute! Both of them were so excited to have that in common with daddy...their smiles couldn't have been bigger!

Yes, someday my little boys might grow mustaches like their daddy or maybe not. They are growing up and they are growing up brothers! My heart just overflows with love for them. To hear them imagine what they want to be when they grow up. (Which I hope take a long long time!) But all too soon they will be on their own.

Srecko told me a few days ago that he will be a bulldozer driver and have FIVE kids! Very clear on the five kids part. Kristina told him he should have six kids and he said NO just five. Wow, to think that he wants kids is nice...then I would have grand kids to love!

Jovan is content to do a job with something moving...he would absolutely LOVE to drive a fire truck! It is hard for this mama's heart because I know that will never happen. His legs will not allow him to perform that job. Praying that God will give Jovan a clear direction for his life!

The brother's went outside to play bulldozers and with the snow. God brought two little boys from the same orphanage five thousand miles away to be brothers forever! Thank you God for my two sons!

2012-02-21T07:51:00.003-06:00

LOOK...

My kids were so excited they could hardly eat their breakfast!! It snowed overnight and was beautiful! I am so wishing it would stick around for a little bit...but it is melting on the driveway as I write this! Jovan asked that I shovel as it is hard to fly down the driveway, he had to move his wheelchair by hand not just by forward motion! It will either melt or I will make sure it is shoveled...but let's let the warm temps work first!

They will want to play outside right when they get home...so maybe they can slide down with some snow instead of on grass like my earlier post the other day! It's Monday oops...Tuesday, forgot the kids were home for President's day. Feels like a Monday, laundry and general cleaning today. I am going to try to make macaroni and cheese in the crock pot for dinner. A requested favorite, but I have never made it in the crock pot before. We'll see how that goes. Got to go get out the play snow gear...

2012-02-18T09:28:00.001-06:00

Visiting...

Most often when you want to visit with someone these days you can do it via email or even slow mail. Sometimes if the person is close enough you can visit in person. Or at least a phone call.

Last night on the way home from church (we saw the movie Courageous~VERY good movie by the way) Jovan said we need to see Jesus! I said oh honey, I hope not for a long time and he said it again...then he said we have to see Buni (nickname for my grandmother)! We have to see her he said we haven't seen her in a long time!! Through my tears I said I know...it's okay I am sure she is all right.

Little did he know that I have a huge an ache for my grandmother wishing the same thing!! Heart aching to see her, visit her, hug her, cook with her and most of all tell her that I love her!! Some days lately are SO hard for me...I just want to know she is happy. And I know she is, because she is dancing in the streets with our heavenly Father! She has no pain, she can see well, she can do what her mind tells her...basically a new body. Like it says in the Bible in 2 Corinthians 5:17 "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come. The old has gone and the new has come." This verse helps to give me peace.

She was the sweetest most kind woman I know...basically give you the shirt right off her back if you needed it! And she would always make sure you were fed! I am so happy that she has Jesus to visit with now!

2012-02-17T10:21:00.000-06:00

My Mother in Law...

I have known her for twenty-three years. I will never forget the moment I met her. My nerves had nerves of their own. Hubby to be (at that point)was very excited to introduce us. I remember how everything looked crisp and in place. My style was casual...um? She was on the phone when we got there...I am sure she was questioning who in the world I was? Probably!

Hubby and I knew each other for a VERY short time!!! We met at the beginning of August and got engaged on October 3rd. The funniest part is that we never went on date anywhere alone...don't know how that happened, it wasn't planned that way. Oh, we worked together...so technically we were alone sometimes.

When he kissed me for the first time I was stunned. Too much information but it was so sweet. I did not expect it, he walked me to my car after work...which was a short distance like down the driveway. (We worked at a group home for people with disabilities in a home setting.) My car was parked under a street light (just like in the movies...having the right lighting!) and right there he kissed me!

Got side tracked...good memories! Anyway, back to my mother in law...at that point we were not engaged yet! She was kind of quiet, like who in the world is this girl? And I do believe we should have called first to give her advanced notice that we were going to show up on her doorstep. It was a wee bit awkward, but okay. Fast forward a couple of weeks is when we got engaged.

Hubby surprised me with that question. See two weeks before I met him I prayed to God to fill the void of me wanting to get married or could he please bring me a husband. In walked hubby to where I was working, he had just transferred from a different location, and I ignored him like he had the plague!! I was determined not to get to know any single men at the point. One day it just clicked for us...what a shocker!

Okay back to my mother in law...hubby's dad was retiring and hubby asked me to go with him. I was NOT NOT NOT wanting to go with, but at that point being he wife to be how could I say no. Pretty sure I was not on the guest list either. I remember that night as well. Hubby was the only person I knew. His sister's came from out of state so I met them at that point.

Next day we were having dinner with hubby's family and I had put on my ring...he wanted to let his family know. Kind of wanting to be a little subtle, maybe they would notice maybe not. His younger sister noticed first and then hubby let everyone know. Pretty sure we shocked his mother and I was a bit shocked as well.

I know that God gave my hubby to me...hand picked and very quickly after my prayer to Him. When hubby asked me to marry him I just knew he was mine...like having a peace from God! I hadn't even told him I loved him at that point...it felt like an arranged marriage from God and I wanted my love to be not rushed into lightly.

We got married eight months later. It was a small wedding, not exactly the wedding I pictured growing up...but how many weddings match a little girl's dream? I wanted green dresses for my bridesmaids and wanted my best friend to be in it too. She was not, just my sisters and one of hubby's sisters. My mother sewed the dresses for the girls. They were peach dresses with a soft lace collar. They were very sweet and I am thankful she did that for me!! My brother made our three tier cake and it was beautiful...never did I imagine that either! Oh, my mother in law came with to pick out my dress...both my mom and hubby's mom went with me. I think I tried on three dresses before I found the one. Hubby's mom said I am sure he will love looking at you. How sweet was that!

I had always hoped I would be a very good daughter in law...it was a little rocky at times, but I tried. After hubby and I got married he changed a bit, meaning just more confident and he was the head of the household...it was great to depend on him and feel very loved and cared for! He would surprise me all the time! Then he started to drift away from his family...they lived over an hour away, so we didn't see them much. I think hubby always went along with the flow and he wanted to create his own flow and I don't think that fit with my mother in law's plans...so then it was a little rocky.

Fast forward almost twenty three and a half years and now we live states apart and don't see each other often, we do most communicating through emails and such. I send her pictures of the kids and she sends weekly emails of her week...she is so good at that, me not so much. And she really is the best grandmother...she never forgets birthdays and she sends the kids little packages. It is so sweet! Sometimes I just wish she lived closer to be able to see the kids and also help me bake!! She is a great baker and I am NOT! I told her a few weeks ago to move back so that she could have us watch over her...and I meant every word!

I am glad I have a mother in law...and so thankful that she gave birth to my hubby!

2012-02-13T13:07:00.002-06:00

Double take...

Look at this picture...

I looked at this and thought wow, I wonder where this came from. Thought maybe some kid in someone's class had drawn it. When I asked the kids, Jovan said he drew it. Wow, he has only seen a space shuttle picture like that a couple of times and he is definitively more interested in fire trucks! It's a three dimensional picture...that's his first one! He likes to draw and where he was a year ago it is quite amazing! This is a picture that I will hang on to for sure!

Maybe he will draw for a profession? I have my doubts...this kid LOVES speed and anything with wheels! A typical boy, it will be such a pleasure to watch when he can finish school and find a job that he can do. He will go far with his determination and his positive attitude! Way to go my little sweet pea! (Don't tell him I called him that because he would say "mommy, I am a guy!!!")

2012-02-11T15:34:00.006-06:00

Winter...

Well, I should say a lack of it this year. We have had not more then 3 inches on the ground at a time...and I think that was only one time. Last year we had feet of snow...a child's dream if they LOVE snow like my kids do. They ask for it about July...and now they have Srecko dreaming for it too!

I saw them doing this and my heart just melted and I wanted to go right out and buy a snow making machine!! Wonder if they make a family size one! Wouldn't the kids just freak to have snow ALL year round? Hope you are enjoying the weather where ever you are!!

2012-02-07T18:19:00.006-06:00

Athletic...

What is an athlete? According to Webster's dictionary it is a person who is trained or skilled in exercises, sports, or games requiring physical strength, agility, or stamina. Well, I walked out into the living room to find this...

Is she an athlete or what? While she was doing her treatments she beat her daddy in a Wii game. Now I just heard her squeal with delight! She has a record in the same game. I am so proud that she can play games and win while doing her treatments!! The boys also play...but they take after their mother and aren't such great athletes!! But hey we have fun!

2012-02-06T08:41:00.008-06:00

My boys...

I started this post the other day, even before I got people asking why I did just Kristina's pictures. I put up the earliest pictures I have until pretty recently. Sometimes I wish for those cute baby pictures...to add to their photo albums.

Boys...who knew that I would have boys, other then God of course!! The boys really love the same things...Cars, trucks, fire engines, police cars...boy stuff to be sure! Swimming is other favorite activity of the boys! Srecko went into the pool (a deep regular pool) a few weeks ago for a special gym class. My hubby went with because it was his first time in a deep pool. After about five minutes he went on his own with a water flotation device and a life jacket. The excitement was evident on his face with a HUGE smile! Jovan was very hesitant in deep water...always has been, until this last trip to the pool. He was floating... Wish I had been there to take pictures!! Can't wait to go with them the next time!!

Let's see, the boys love to dig in the dirt...with dump trucks and diggers of course! If they could have dirt water and snow all year round they would be SO happy!! This winter they have had dirt and a teeny tiny bit of snow...the water came when the teeny tiny snow melted.

I am a mother to boys...never in my wildest dream did I think God would bless me with TWO boys!! They are rough and tough and so awesome to have around. Brothers through and through!!! God thank you for my boys they are wonderful!!!

2012-02-02T17:35:00.003-06:00

My Daughter...

These are just a few pictures that I took when she was little...a few years ago. Looking back at some pictures today and I thought I would share them. She is a beautiful girl fearfully and wonderfully made by God!! And he chose her just for me. Little did I know on the day she was born I became a mother. What was I doing, where was I and who was I with? All questions I think would be kind of fun to know...I don't know any of those questions, but it doesn't matter because she is with me now. In fact she is doing her treatment for her Cystic Fibrosis and I can hear her singing and laughing while she is doing it. Music to my ears!

My heart just overflows with love for her. We try to help her in every way we can. The treatments can be long some times so we play with her or read to her and sometimes let her watch tv. School is hard for her and also expressing her thoughts. She has come such a long way in the last almost five years she has been my daughter!! This year we are going to have a blast celebrating that day!! Hubby and I have already started to plan! Have any really fun ideas let me know! Enjoy the pictures and all the smiles! God is GOOD to me!

2011-12-31T08:50:00.002-06:00

A Funny...

True story...kinda icky gross, but funny!! (disclaimer...if you have a weak stomach maybe don't read this post!) On our way to Serbia (when we adopted Srecko) I didn't feel well before the trip at all, almost said we couldn't make it. I finished packing by laying down then I'd get up and pack a little then lay down some more trying NOT to get sick...oh I felt like I had the flu or something! I just felt awful!!

Anyway I made it on the plane...with LOTS of praying and LOTS of anti-nausea pills!! I was trying to survive by sleeping and taking the pills off and and on. By the time we made it to Belgrade I was feeling better...or so I thought. (Details to come) We went to our meeting with the Ministry Officials and then we went to see Srecko. I think the excitement of the day really helped me not to be so ill.

Now on to the third day I felt so sick again and forced myself to go to our morning visit...because I wanted to see Srecko and to be completely honest I didn't want anything to work against us during our bonding. Made it through the morning visit, had lunch and laid down trying to feel better...forced myself to go to the afternoon visit. Well an hour or so into our visit I told hubby that I really DID NOT feel well. I tried everything I could to feel better, then Srecko's social worker came by and I told her I was sick and had to leave...she said it was okay and I would feel better tomorrow. Loved her optimism!!

Anyway got a ride back to the apartment and the whole time I am thinking don't throw up, don't throw up. I think I jumped out of the car as it was still moving to park...and started to run up the 4 long flights of stairs!! The elevator wasn't working!!!! I made it up just half way up the first flight when it happened!! Let's just say it was the afternoon and I had eaten lunch thinking I would feel better by eating...um NO!! As I was standing there on the cold marble steps...losing my lunch my hubby hadn't made it in yet from the car... But a man heard me and came to hold my forehead while I was throwing up. A strange man came to my rescue!! What a blessing...but first he asked me if I was DRUNK!!! I was crying at that point...and I said NO NO I was ADOPTING from the Belgrade orphanage! Some crazy American woman I am sure he thought I was!! But he helped me up the stairs to the apartment...I went and laid down and hubby cleaned up the stairs!

And um NO I did not make it the next day! I had an almost 102 degree temperature!! I thought the whole time we would not be successful at adopting Srecko because I was sick. I cried and prayed the whole time hubby went to go visit Srecko that God would grant the orphanage staff understanding during my absence! Guess what? We adopted him! And I went back the following day feeling much better! God is SO good!

We laugh about it now...especially when I can no longer eat the meal I ate that day! I also remember that day because I called my mom crying...before I prayed. She told me to think of something good out of the situation...and I said ya right!! But after I hung up I did just that and thought of many more than one thing and I think that helped me feel better faster! Now more posts about the children...

2011-12-30T18:51:00.002-06:00

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!...

A blog post will be coming...this mama is sick, but the kids aren't!! Makes for an interesting household! But we have had fun in spite of mama being down. Daddy is awesome and has done a ton!! Tomorrow we will go outside and try to fly a kite. We have NO snow here...compared to last year it is quite the contrast! The weather man said it would be blustery...so maybe just maybe they will be correct! So much more to write...Srecko's first Christmas, first Christmas without my grandma, and NO snow!

I have pictures too! Maybe tomorrow I will have more get up an go! Have a safe New Year's Eve! May God bless you all in this new year!!

2011-12-20T20:01:00.005-06:00

Change...

Okay, as you can see I have changed the look of my blog...so for now it will be this way until I work on it some more. Not too bad as my favorite color is green and it reminds me of newness. The newness of one's self, spirit or life. Guess that is what is going on for me. Death does that to some people. My life has be changed forever but I am looking for newness in my life and asking God to bless me with it.

I will just chat briefly and move on to more exciting posts about the children. You all will like that I am sure. God has blessed me with the feeling of peace and joy. Right now as I type this I am in the room that she passed away in. Peace and joy...can still hear my daughter giggling when she and my grandma would visit. Boy, did Kristina love to play dress up and put on my grandma's babushkas. (scarfs around her head) Kristina would put on a fashion show when she would get new clothes. It was so fun to see...like kindred spirits they were.

This year in my many years of life I will not have my grandma to fix the traditional Christmas Eve dinner. She was a Greek Orthodox with a great relationship with Christ! But a Ukrainian dinner it was! Perogies, Borchst, rye bread, and other things I can not spell...oh, and herring. I know how to make this meal...but I have been sick...like not getting better sick and this meal takes a lot of work. Not complaining but if my grandma were still here she would tell me to lie on the couch, no wait she would make me help her first! So I have conceded to making the Borscht and buying the Perogies. Next year I will try to make everything...my first New Year's resolution!

My life is new, everything about it. I still plan meals around what my grandmother would like, movies for her to watch and things like that. God has given me a peace that only he can give. I can smile when I think about the way she passed away completely peaceful and so orchestrated by God. I can not thank Him enough for that and I will forever be mindful of that! God even takes care of the little things! I took pictures at the graveside and my mother was so thankful as she was not there! I thought she would think it awful...but I just felt lead to take pictures and I did.

So now on to the children...

That was on Thanksgiving day 2011! So cute they are! More posts and pictures to come!

2011-12-10T22:03:00.001-06:00

Blog...

I do not know what happened to the look of my blog. I am NOT computer savvy and I have been trying to figure it out for days...hang on I might even change the whole look! :) Hang tight!

2011-12-07T17:45:00.000-06:00

Mercy and Grace...

That is how I feel I have been treated with. Maybe even preserved with! My grandmother passed away 27 hours ago. That is 27 hours I have not heard her, helped her, fed her, dressed her, talked to her and lived with her. (Actually it has been a week now...been busy with many things.) She was an amazing woman...someone that I wanted to be like. Strong, stubborn, loving, caring, helpful, sweet, generous and just all around wonderful! (My hubby says I have some of those characteristics...not necessarily all the good ones!) That's okay I can say I got it from her!

I have posted about her in several posts...about persevering and caring for her. The love I had for my grandmother was like no other. Special to say the least!!

My grandmother passed away on Monday Novemeber 28th at home with me, my mom, my sister and my hubby! I watched her take her last breath. The two nights before she passed I was up every two hours checking on her and listening to her breathe. Sunday night as I was listening to her, (we had a baby monitor right by my head) I heard her breathing change. I panicked just a little and prayed to God...did I want to hear her last breath, or not? I begged God to be with me...and he was because I got calm and peaceful.

Monday the nurse and home health aide were coming. Last word I got was they couldn't come together...but guess what? God orchestrated the timing because they came together. They helped wash her up and turn her on her side as she was getting red in spots...well then her oxygen level got really low and we watched as she took her last breath.

I died right along with her...she left me! She really left me! Pain was indescribable!! I wanted to die with her...she left me!!! I miss her SO much!! Tears come as I continue to write this!!

But, as I shed tears I also have to rejoice in God's tender mercy and grace. She went so quickly and most of the family was there when she passed away. Hubby went to get the kids and they were able to say goodbye and wish her well. (She had already passed away at that point) We sang songs with her and I took pictures...Hubby and I have always told the kids that my grandmother would be moving into a room that God made and she would be living with Jesus.

The kids all had different reactions. Kristina was very somber and just looked and looked at her. Srecko could not understand why she did not take her stuff with her. I explained that Jesus would have all new things for her...so we could give her things to people her in town that need them. And Jovan, well he said "this is sad, so very sad"...and started to cry. His whole little body just shook. Broke my heart! Then we reminded the kids that My grandmother was dancing with Jesus, and playing with him. And whatever sounded like fun! :)

My grandmother stayed at the house for six and a half hours before the mortuary got her. That was the best thing we could have ever done. She did not want a fuss made. All of her friends were gone and she just had family left we kind of had the "wake" at home. We had sandwiches and we were able to go into my grandmother's room and take our time and say goodbye. If we would have had the wake at the church or funeral home it would have been a much much shorter time to say goodbye. On Thursday we had her burial. It was cold but it was a nice service. Then most of the family went to my sister's after. Hubby and I headed home to get the kids off the bus.

The saddest part was the fact that my mom (my grandmother's only child) was not there. She was sitting in my dad's hospital room. My dad had day surgery...but had complications and had to be admitted. Praise God he came home yesterday after one week! I took pictures and my mom was glad! I am glad!

Praise God and I give all the glory to God for such a beautiful time with her passing away. I was terrified that the house would have death all over it...but God is so good to me. There is only peace and joy where there was once suffering and death!! And to have everyone able to come to our house and see her was amazingly wonderful! Praise God all over and over again for a peaceful passing away to heaven for my beloved grandmother!!!

2011-11-19T09:51:00.012-06:00

Confession...

I have a confession, it's like the same day after day! Why can't I learn my lessons? The verse below came to me this morning while I was working/tolerating my grandmother. Do I do everything so God can work in me the way he wants me to? Well, probably not...I sometimes stumble and complain about my situation instead of giving the glory to God that he is holding me up.

²⁸ And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who^[a]have been called according to his purpose.

To think about the why of my life I just need to remember to get through one day, one hour, one minute or even one second. So far this morning I have had to count the hours that I have made it through counting on God and really trying to let go and let God handle the situation. Thanks be to God that I have made it four hours so far! Praise God I only had one melt down of tears because of something my grandmother said. But I should know she really is talking out of her mind...but you know words can hurt!

I am so thankful to know that I am a child of god and can count on him and remember to count my blessings!! My mom has my daughter, the boys are playing outside...it's just the right temperature that it is comfortable out. Have baked apple crisp and banana bread (the best I think I have ever made...Bonus!!!!) Working on my third load of laundry...easy because it is the round of sheets and towels! Love it! God has given me strength to get to this hour!! Thank you God!

Giving God the glory for the good in my life is easy! I just need to remember to to turn the icky stuff that happens into praise. Like the song we played and sang over and over again when we were adopting Kristina...

Blessed Be Your name When I'm found in the desert place Though I walk through the wilderness Blessed Be Your name

  Every blessing You pour out I'll turn back to praise When the darkness closes in, Lord Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord Blessed be Your name Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your glorious name  Blessed be Your name

When the sun's shining down on me When the world's 'all as it should be'

Blessed be Your name  Blessed be Your name

On the road marked with suffering Though there's pain in the offering Blessed be Your name

 Every blessing You pour out I'll turn back to praise

When the darkness closes in, Lord Still I will say  Blessed be the name of the Lord Blessed be Your name

 Blessed be the name of the Lord Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be the name of the Lord Blessed be Your name Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your glorious name  You give and take away You give and take away

 My heart will choose to say Lord, blessed be Your name

So today every hour I am going to Give God the glory for EVERYTHING!

Thank you God!

2011-11-08T10:41:00.004-06:00

Let's See...

How come life can just whiz by and you can't remember anything? We haven't done much of anything exciting. Srecko has been home five months now. He has really started to speak in English. Like in the last week or so, it is like he has found his voice and is talking ALL the time. His voice is like music to my ears!

There are moments that I still can't believe I have three kids...they are mine (and of course hubby's too) and God blessed and trusted me to be their mother!! Just about anyone can have a birth baby...but what a journey of trust and faith and let's not forget PERSEVERANCE to adopt!! You can always look back and say, wow that wasn't so bad! :) Hopefully one day God will trust me with more!

I was thinking about my childhood and how much I wanted to be a mother...like we are talking five years old or so. I had lots of dolls and I loved each one of them...they were all different! When I was growing up we lived in a house with an attic type set up for a bedroom. It was long and ran the length of the house and the walls were covered with wood paneling. The dresser was built into the wall, but there was a door you could get into behind the dresser drawers. Confused? Hope not, anyway there were about twelve drawers and I would imagine that there was a lamp and a rocking chair back there for me and in each one of those drawers was a baby that I took care of. Wow, what an imagination! But, I loved babies and kids!! Starting watching kids when I was about nine years old...my mom was always close by, but it was my responsibility.

On another post I think I may have mentioned this...when I was in about fifth grade in school we had kids that had disabilities that sat in the lunch room with the "typical" kids...and I would watch them...and that is when I knew I would have special needs kids. That was cool!! Some memories I will never forget. When I was a my last year of high school I could have graduated early...but instead chose to work in a special needs classroom. Can you guess I LOVED it!! I worked with a little boy with Downs Syndrome...oh man, did I enjoy that. I taught him his colors...using sign language and to ride a bike and many other things. I did that every morning and went back to school for lunch and afternoon classes. That was a nice time to remember.

This month is Adoption Awareness Month. Orphan Sunday was last Sunday. Basically it is to bring to light all of the orphans WORLD wide that need parents! Some people are called by God to adopt like we were. Praying for families and orphans can be something to do and families greatly appreciate that! Another major way is to donate money and support families financially. Even five dollars goes a long way!! Five dollars buys the family something to eat in country or pays some or all of the taxi fare. Five dollars buys fresh fruit to give to their newest addition. Kristina and Srecko LOVED bananas!! Oh, and let's not forget little treats for the kids...we had several rainy days and brought treats, and not always food either!

Right now there are three friends that are adopting. The one thing that we have in common is that we all adopted from Serbia. I am going to link to their blogs so you can read their stories. Two are adopting from a country other then Serbia this time...

Leah over here, Lorraine over here, and Faith over here . Go check them out...some incredible stories! Would have never met them if it weren't for all of us adopting!! Go see their blogs and how God is working and changing their lives!! Okay...wish I was with them, but only God knows where/when or even if we are to adopt again! Please take a moment and pray for families that are adopting...Satan can really attack during theses times, just pray! Thank you!!

2011-10-29T09:17:00.003-05:00

Mortality...

What a word that is. It has been on my mind a LOT lately. Probably more than that of an average person. It has been on my mind because I have a 92 1/2 year old grandmother that I watch age on a daily basis. When I check on her...is she still going to be breathing, is always my first thought! I've gotten over being freaked out about checking on her...I just ask God for peace and calm and sometimes I have to ask that several times a day!

She had an episode the other day that her heart rate dropped so fast she had a seizure and her mouth and nose turned blue. I knew something was going to happen, I was just unsure as to when in the day. I now believe that was God giving me the calmness and peace I needed for that moment in time. My mom was with us as well as my hubby when it happened. She came around on her own after about five minutes. We were told we do not need to take her to the emergency room as the fix would be a pace maker...and she does not want any heroic acts done to keep her alive...

So we wait for God to direct our steps for the next move. I have talked a lot about my grandmother in several posts...maybe? She consumes a lot of my day, it used to be worse as I would try to do everything I could to see to my grandmother's happiness. Don't judge me, I know that it is up to each individual and their happiness...but I guess I was/sometimes still do think about how her life has changed over the last seven years...moving twice and having three kids added to her family and all the changes that happen when you get old...and none of them good ones either. So sometimes my grandmother is a WEE bit crabby...but can I blame her? No, not really. She also has gotten very anxious...oh my! Learning to deal with that as well. So many things to think about and the bottom line is mortality.

Another thought about mortality is the fact that my daughter has a disease that will most likely be the reason for her death. There is no cure for Cystic Fibrosis a lung disease that she was born with. People ask if we knew she had it when we adopted her and the answer is yes we did. Some say then you knew what you were getting into by adopting a child that will die. (OH yes, we have had several people over the fours years she has been ours say that to us.) God gave us Kristina and everything that makes up who she is! I do not know how long on earth I will be able to put my arms around Kristina and whisper in her ear that I love her...praying that God will let that be for a long time!!

She has been sick for about three weeks and missed almost two weeks of school because of it. Every single time she coughs, my insides just shake a little. Sometimes I sob when I hear her suffer. I get concerned about how much damage is happening because she gets sick. Not obsess about it...do whatever it is that we can do to help her...but her mortality is always on the back of my mind...God keep her healthy, but he really doesn't have to listen to me...he has plans for my daughter that I don't know anything about and maybe her will take her to heaven at a young age.

But whenever it is I know that she will be dancing with God in the arms of Jesus! Kristina knows about God and knowing who Jesus is and having him live within her. She knows that God sent his son, his one and only son, to die for us so that we may live in heaven instead of suffering in hell for all eternity. The one lesson I can take away form all of this is I can rejoice in the fact that both my grandmother and daughter know Christ as their savior and knowing the fact that they will be together in heaven some day!

2011-10-10T10:38:00.004-05:00

2 years and 4 days = Jovan...

4 months and 4 days = Srecko...

(Started this two days ago)Yep, Friday was Jovan's gotcha day and it was Srecko's been in America day. Mommy had the HUGEST headache I have ever had and still have a little one today! Crying did NOT help me! :) We had chocolate for their celebrations and lots of hugs! :) They both feel like they have been here forever!! We waited for them for so long...and we saw God at work and actually see why we had to wait and ALL the miracles that surrounded their adoptions.

Jovan, what can I say about him? He is a cheerful, kind, gentle, funny, sweet and beautiful little boy!! Actually at nine his is getting OLD! :) He came home in 12 month size pants and now is almost into 24 months. Tops are more like extra small or 5 toddler. Small package but HUGE personality!! He LOVES fire trucks and can't stop talking about them. This year we went to a fire station for an open house which was the day before his birthday...worked great! Then we had a small birthday party for him. He thought it was great!!! It was his second birthday with us! :)

He knows that God gave him a special package with his body and we try really hard to make sure he can do the things he wants. Now he gets it that he will never be able to be a fireman...that was a HARD thing to see him understand. But, know we are working on maybe seeing if he could be a 911 operator. Which also helps him remember to speak slowly and clearly, so that's a bonus! :) School is something he loves and is doing okay, not up to peer standards but is really trying hard! Wants to drive a monster truck, but we have yet to figure out how that would work...but that is all him and he has to get a job and buy it himself. Another positive reason to do well in school! :)

Speaking only for myself, I am SO thankful that God has blessed us with Jovan!!! I will NEVER EVER EVER forget the moment that I fell in love with him!! And to wait for one and a half years to adopt him was so HARD!!!! I posted that story here. What a wonderful gift from God!

Now on to Srecko...wow, how he has changed in four months!! Speaking English even in sentences that are pretty long and appropriate!! He is such a blessing to our family! And his giggles are very contagious!! He lights up a room with his smile! School is something he loves and is trying very hard to read...he is getting his numbers very well and his colors! Cars are his most favorite toy to play with and he loves creating and building things as well. Outside he loves dirt and swinging...who wouldn't? Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are his favorite food! Loves to help in the kitchen and other chores.

I was thinking about when I first saw him on the play ground at the orphanage four years and five months ago. So sweet and calm...just wanted to hug him. Played by himself most times...riding toys were his thing to do. At that time he had a family committed to him...I was so happy for him!! Such a beautiful little boy! And then we saw him almost two years ago to the day...he was still the same little boy, he played with Jovan and my hubby a lot. And again he had another family committed to him, so I was happy that he would have a mommy and daddy!! Little did I know that we would end up as his family all those years later. One can question God...but God's timing is perfect and we believe that...no matter what and no matter who says different!

Saturday is Srecko's first American birthday with a family!! Praise God!!! We are just having a family party as he sometimes gets a little overwhelmed with a lot going on. I have had his gifts for a very very long time!! He understands and knows about birthdays...we showed him on the calendar when it is...now it is really close!!! He is having a cars like the Disney movie cars...I ordered a cake and need to run and get the decorations. Auntie is getting balloons so it should be great!! Well have lots to do...fall cleaning and decorating! Fun! Grilling steak for dinner!! Have a blessed day!

2011-10-03T12:40:00.009-05:00

Elderly...

Who falls under that description? Well if you are a person they would be old or aged. If it was a machine it would be showing signs of age. In this case I am going to be talking about a person. I posted a little/lot about this person here. And I am still working on that and now more issues have arisen. So we try to keep moving forward.

If I put myself in my grandmother's shoes I think I would die! I can not imagine chronic pain day after day after day ALL day long. We have tried many different drugs and therapies...but none too successful. Her mind knows it can do things, but her body doesn't cooperate. She has been a HARD worker all of her life up until last year she helped plant in the garden. The tv does not excite her, although an occasional movie will. It is hard for her to read her Ukrainian newspaper or parts of the Bible printed out in large print. Every day is a struggle for her.

With her struggle also comes along with my struggle. She sits and I watch her sit and try hard to find things to do even if they didn't need to be done in the first place...things like that. Boy, some days I just want to say I don't have anything for you! But, I keep looking. Some days I just sit and work around her...talking to her about the past (she has long term memory not short) and also talk about my daughter Kristina. My grandmother thinks that Kristina is her little princess and just adores her! I try to keep her mind healthy by making it think and work.

I will not tell a lie...it is HARD work!! Harder work then I have done in my life!! Some days I have to beg God to help me even want to help her. I love my grandmother more then anything. She taught me about hard work and cooking traditional Ukrainian meals and about giving and sharing. I like to think that some of who I am I learned from my grandmother. So struggling to want to help her makes me feel so many different things.

Lately she has gone down hill as far as her memory goes and also having to have me home. If I go anywhere...that is with my mom watching her she gets anxious and makes herself sick. So I do not make plans to go anywhere. Church on Sunday is a set time every week and my grandma thinks that a woman that comes to watch her goes by the name Mary. Which her real name is Ann, my mother!!! We don't try to correct her because she wouldn't get it anyway.

Other things have changed as well, she get CRABBY really quickly. Even when I am having a nice conversation with her. Almost like a split personality...and it isn't pretty!! She knows that she needs to leave and take herself to her room where she can calm down. And she does that most of the time but a few times she has had the strength to throw things in her room. No breakables are in there, so she is safe that way. But you know it is sad that it happens. I do smile however...just because it is a 92 year old having a bad attitude...like a temper tantrum. But not funny because that is what happens to her. I am just matter of fact now with it and I just direct her to her room. It is becoming a normal occurring situation.

When I look at my life I am like a two sided coin. One is a mother of three children wonderfully and fearfully made by God!! And the other is a caregiver of an elderly person. Some days they make me dizzy, like if you stood a coin on it's side and spun it around...hey that's me!! And I wonder so many things...too many to mention but like she wants to go to heaven she is tired of suffering so why doesn't God just take her? Why did God let me have my kids now while I am taking care of my grandmother? Am I doing the right thing with her or should I try something else? And the list can go on and on.

On the days when I get down thinking about all the things I can't do and how I feel trapped I have to remember that my grandmother is going through the same thing. My mom often reminds me about looking for something good in the situation...oh man is it hard, but I can find them I really can!! God is teaching me patience and perseverance... hard lessons I thought I learned while we were adopting. Man, I hope I learn the lesson soon!

Something happened to me a few weeks ago...I was so sad and cried so hard I thought my heart was going to fall out of my chest!! And I felt like I could not reach God...no matter what and couldn't understand it. People would pray for me and I would feel such peace, but when I prayed it didn't seem to do anything. I cried out to God and begged him to show me what was happening! Well, the word forgiveness floated across my heart. What? Forgiveness for what, then God showed me that I had resentment in my heart towards my grandmother. Wow, I about died...I never thought I had that in my heart, I felt bad that I did. God laid that on my heart and I asked for forgiveness from God and I feel like a new person!!

God really knows everything...even things that you don't know you feel. It's like God has helped by filling up my patience and perseverance buckets...I am much calmer, well actually peaceful. I don't take the negative actions and words spoken by my grandmother to my heart...I have God's protective shield in front of me! Thank you God for that! In the of book of James in the Bible God brought the first chapter to my attention again! It talks about counting all of our joy when we go through a trial or a season as some people have called it. Joy? Wow, I can do that because I have been practicing!! Insert smiling face here!! It really changes you attitude about negative situations!!

Don't get me wrong, I still struggle with this a LOT...but if I focus on the positive and God, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!! That verse is in Philippians chapter 4 verse 13. Yep, just tell yourself that and make sure you have a clean heart...asking God to forgive you or show you what you need forgiveness for. I am thankful that I still can care for my grandmother and my children know her! But being elderly is HARD! But praise God I have a few years left before that is me! :) See trying to be positive... Next time you face a trial I urge you to try to think of a positive thing about it. Even a teeny tiny thing!!

2011-10-01T17:17:00.003-05:00

Answers...

We had Srecko scheduled for surgery on Friday. Along with that accompanied prayer! LOTS of it! Should he have surgery so soon? He has been home about 4 and a half months. There were a couple of things that needed to be taken care of, so we felt okay about that decision! I wasn't really nervous, just wish we could communicate with him so he fully understood what was going to happen to him. Prayers for peace and the surgeons that would work on him for guided hands.

How did God answer you ask? Well, we got there with OUT one single problem even though there was road construction. We did not have to wait long for extra anxiety for Srecko. And at home my mom said the morning school routine was easy and peaceful!

But I think what the greatest and most wonderful answer to prayer was the fact that one of the anesthesiologist spoke Serb/Croatian. Srecko understood her and seemed to relax. She said she would be there when he went back to the OR and also when he woke up. Which she was! Only God could answer prayers that way...knowing exactly what we needed and more importantly what our son Srecko needed!

I thank everyone who prayed for us and give praise and glory to God for his answers!!

Here is after surgery...pretty wiped out but still peaceful!!!

2011-09-16T19:46:00.002-05:00

Quick Post...

Yes, I have lots to blog about...school, Jovan's birthday and much more. But I just wanted to say that I am not sure if I am kinda crazy or what. My kids go to school 2.5 miles away and I miss them very much when they are gone. They all have AWESOME teachers and paras that work with them. Their case manager (like head teacher who keeps everything together) ROCKS!! She was I know hand picked by God just for me! We think alike and just move in the same direction!

Anyway, they are gone during the day and I sometimes go in the kid's room and sit. I just thank God so much for their lives. I know that sounds crazy...but hey I have only been a mom for four years three months and nine days!! :) And I LOVE it!! I have always wanted to be a mom since as far back as I can remember!!! And since 1976 I knew that I would have kids with special needs!! God brought me just the right man to help me be the best mama I can be! Hubby is out of this world wonderful!!

Tonight after the kids went to bed...(very punctually) I realized that my heart was full knowing that my kids were here with hubby and me. Peace in the house and it was NOT because they were sleeping either! :) Enjoy your family and thank you God for mine!!

2011-09-10T19:01:00.006-05:00

Catching up...

Okay I am very slow at all the updates...we have been home three months and one day with Srecko. Time sure has flown by!! I know I say that a LOT, but it is so true!! Everyday there is something going on...there are therapies for each kid...and I am thankful to God that we have people that are really helping our kids.

Doctor appointments for the kids for a variety of reasons...everyone is healthy. I thank God for that!! So we were all ready to start school knowing that! :)

Let's see...remembering is hard...basically we just stayed around home playing, going to the park, kids playing in the pool and in their fort. Having picnics, doing a lot of cooking and eating outside.

Yes, we have had lots of fun and the kids were very excited for school to start! As soon as school supplies went on sale I started to gather them. Done shopping by the end of July! :) We decided that we would start them out in school for about six weeks and then evaluate. They all have really awesome teachers this year! And this mama is on top of what's happening too.

Now an update on our newest child...learning and talking in English. The other day he came home from school and was able to tell me what he did in English and the rest he acted out for me! So sweet! He LOVES school!!! When he comes home and in fact leaves for the bus he is SO very happy! Comes home and shows me his papers! Learning how to do so many things...setting the table, making his bed, clearing the table, brushing his teeth on all his own! He loves to help and is trying new things! Like climbing on the playground...that took a bit of encouragement and even after he fell and scraped his arm he got right back up again. What a trouper! Well. that's all the bits I have for now! Stay tuned more updates soon!

2011-09-09T18:18:00.001-05:00

Persecution...

I'll let that word sit with you awhile.

That word was talked about in church this past Sunday. (Started this post weeks ago and now even more weeks ago) And to be totally honest I was not sure what the message would be like...I thought ya there are a lot of persecuted Christians out there...then our missionary started to speak. She told stories of real live people in today's age...like right this minute go through persecution. Why you ask are they persecuted? All because they love God! And will NOT deny that they love him!! Incredible!!

All I can think about is WOW...I love God and will NOT deny him either, but then there is a wow they are really suffering. It's easy for me to sit back and say I love God and chances are nothing will happen to me because I say it. For some reason Sunday it really hit me. I am very blessed to be able to say I love God over and over again!!

Then I thought about God's son who was persecuted and put to DEATH! Why? Because he was different. Well, he didn't look different on the outside...but it was the inside that was different! No one can see on the inside...except when the love of God showed right through him! Which was ALL the time, and I am sure that scared everyone to death!

I think about that Sunday a lot...and think about one man, a very special man DIED because his father wanted him to.. Talk about the ultimate pain! Physical pain for Jesus and pain for God to see his one and only sin die a horrible death!! Since being blessed with kids I think about how in the world would I let my child die...for someone else? Can't imagine one bit!

Jesus died for me, he did for everyone who reads my blog and everyone that doesn't. He died for EVERYONE in the world! He died so that if we believe in him...believe in him and ask Jesus to be with you...you will become a child of God. God loves you, he made you... Think about it, he knew you even before your parent's did! Wow! I am glad that God loves me, I am his adopted child!

2011-08-20T07:06:00.002-05:00

A song....

This is a song that has been on my mind lately! I'll update soon! Got lots to share!

The song is called "I will rise" by Chris Tomlin!

There's a peace I've come to know

Though my heart and flesh may fail
There's an anchor for my soul
I can say "It is well"

Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead

And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise

There's a day that's drawing near
When this darkness breaks to light
And the shadows disappear
And my faith shall be my eyes
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/c/chris_tomlin/i_will_rise.html ]
Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead

And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise

And I hear the voice of many angels sing,
"Worthy is the Lamb"
And I hear the cry of every longing heart,
"Worthy is the Lamb"
And I hear the voice of many angels sing,
"Worthy is the Lamb"
And I hear the cry of every longing heart,
"Worthy is the Lamb"

And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise

2011-07-31T18:58:00.004-05:00

Sacrifice...

I just want to share with you this blog post of a friend of mine who is adopting three kiddos...you can find it here Thanks...please pray for them!

2011-07-23T13:01:00.003-05:00

Oh my...

Oh my this mama went for a short bike ride! I have not been on a bike in about 30 years!!! Let's just say I NEED to wear a helmet and practice turning!!! The kids were so excited to ride! We all have bikes but Jovan. He is getting a hand held pedal bike. But it is very expensive! So we can get a grant and pay for the rest. We can't wait!! The way he rides (we had him try it out) you would have thought he has been riding for years! :)

Because Jovan has a few obstacles to over come...we try extra hard to make things seem more normal. Not to baby him, but to make it some what easier to do what others can do. I think that this mommy is way more excited to have him get his bike then he is! Actually, it is the mommy that sees him long to be mobile like his siblings and it makes me a little sad. But on the other hand, in life you do not always get what you want. Isn't that the truth! And no my kids don't get every little thing they want, but a bike would be great and it would last him for YEARS!!

We have been home seven weeks and one day...and I want to know where the time has gone!! See, to me it feels like Srecko has been in our family for a LONG time!! He had his bed, his clothes, some of his very own toys and his blanket the my mom crocheted for him. Actually my mom crochets an afghan for each of my children...basically the same pattern with a little bit of her own design. Love them and so do the kids! Most days it felt like he was coming home...but there were a few that I was not sure...that made it so hard to wait patiently on the Lord! But you all know he is here and right now he is sleeping down the hall from where I am sitting! (Soon to be awakened to start the day.)

Hasn't been too much going on since last week...Srecko is learning to ask for things in English...like sentences! Yah! He has the sweetest voice! Swimming is a hit with him...getting wet and even using soap are top things on his list. There is an EEG scheduled next week for him, don't know what those results will hold...but I know God will help us deal with whatever the results may be. And he finally gets to go and see about his feet and legs to see if braces of some sort will work for him. He has been learning...in what my kids call "mommy school".

Have to tell you a little story...my first two kids have Leap Frog Leapsters (like a video game, but with learning as the emphasis) And I just looked two days ago into one for Srecko. Maybe thought there was a sale...and was going to purchase one for $50.00 with free shipping! Well, something said wait and I did. So yesterday I went into town with my mom to grab a few things for my nephew's birthday party and asked her if we could stop at the thrift store in town. (I still call it town, it has only about 3000 people and it has NOT changed in the 30 years since my parents moved us up here!) Anyway, we went and there was sale! Oh boy! So we quick looked around and in the toy department there it was! Just laying on the shelf for anyone to see. Yes, it was the Leapster I was looking at!! Oh, then I thought...what if it doesn't work...oh well it was only $5.50, but then WAIT...they were having a sale!!! And then it was only $3.75!!! I brought it home and put batteries in it to check...I was sad that it didn't work. Hubby said, let him look at it...and I had put the batteries in wrong and it WORKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yep, for $3.75 (oh plus tax) I got what I wanted for him...it is in beautiful condition and the kids are showing him how it works and he loves it!

Well, got to go get those boys up...they would sleep all day if I let them sometimes. And I hear my grandma too. My daughter has been up for an hour... It's nice!

2011-07-21T19:55:00.004-05:00

Alone...

Tonight my hubby took our children to VBS. And I am alone. Well, not exactly as my grandma and two Dachshunds are sleeping. But I am alone...maybe lonely? I have the Waltons on tv in the back ground...for company and I also love the show!! :)

I could be doing so many things...scrap booking, catching up on emailing people, dishes :), reading, mowing the lawn or weed eating, so I have things to keep me busy...yet I am still alone.

Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining...it just doesn't happen that often and I don't know what to do with myself!! I printed out some thing for the kids with chores and a schedule for me, and things for Srecko to learn to print. I guess I have been busy!

Today I looked at my tired children...they HAD to take naps!!! Going to vacation Bible school is very tiring!! :) I have three children!! Why does that still make my mind spin? It does seem like yesterday that it was just hubby and I! And now we are a family of FIVE!!

All of my children like very similar things which is wonderful. Let's see a couple of them are water, dirt, movies, and soap! :) When it was so HOT here a couple of days ago...we let them all play in the tub...not together though! We had inside picnics, movie on our bigger (hand me down from grandparents) screen tv, had ice cream, and just tried not to sweat! :) They wanted to go outside...but the heat index was so HIGH!!! Like between 105-125 for days!! Kristina can not sweat without having to keep her hydrated and enjoy a salty treat.

Let's see tomorrow marks six weeks that Srecko has been home...I can NOT believe that! He and I looked at some pictures today that I took while in Serbia. He was so excited to see some pictures of the playground...and of the play room we played it. But he was most excited to see a picture of his teacher from his school. And today I laid out the piles for each of the kids for school supplies...he knew what they were because we have home school here...brand new crayons, and markers, paper and pencils!! The joy that he has is a quiet peaceful joy!!

Now I think I am going to do some more research on home school stuff!

2011-07-18T22:41:00.003-05:00

Pain...

Have you ever had pain in your heart? The achy pain that does not go away? Then when you would like to tell someone about it, you know that they will just say it was your fault and you shouldn't do it anyway and not really care how you are hurting. Do you know what I am talking about?

I have that kind of pain...have had it for a long time. I just put a lid on it...try to ignore it, shove it way down in the depths of my heart hoping desperately it will magically disappear. Can't tell my hubby because he is frustrated about it on a different level. Can't tell my mom or my sister, it's too close to them.

I suffer alone and try to persevere so hard it hurts! Try to live my life and be the best mom and wife I can be! Not being two faced because I truly truly love my husband and kids and am so thankful for them! They bring me great joy in the midst of the pain.

What is causing SO much pain you ask? Well, this is going to sound pathetic and I am sure people will be judge mental...but I don't care. Being a care giver to an elderly person is the toughest thing to do!! Why do it? Because I promised that I would never put my grandmother in a nursing home!! EVER It's tough!!!

I am now unable to do many things my family wants to do...it causes too much stress on my grandma to have other people watch her. My children are tired of hearing we can't and your great grandma needs us. Even though my kids are not typically developing they still know. I am stuck...yes, I get relief...but not enough that really helps. Oh, but you were gone for three weeks adopting your son, you got a break...WRONG!!! My grandma was so upset that I was gone and things were not done like I do them she was a huge problem for my mom and sister who were watching her. They had more trouble and more tears because of her. So I was 5000 miles away feeling bad and guilty for leaving...and causing my grandma stress!! Mental sounding I know...but it is hard to rise above it. And it's hard not to sound like I am feeling sorry for myself!

So, break your promise and put her in a nursing home...well I can't!! She would suffer way worse then with me! Not only does she have horrible chronic pain issues, she is having a hard time talking in English now...mostly Ukrainian is what comes out! So she would have a hard time communicating and it would be really hard honestly to drag myself over to see her.

You know I talk to God about it all the time because he really helps me rise to the next level. Sometimes though, when something happens that disrupts what I want to do or spoils it makes it so hard to rise above it and just say WHY God WHY? She so wants to go to heaven, she is ready...why isn't God bringing her home? Then other day she was crying to hard that she wanted to die and my dear daughter told her that God didn't have her room ready. Yep, even my daughter tries to help.

Sometimes it's hard to swallow it and persevere through this...feeling selfish that it bothers me so much. My grandma deserves the best the world can offer!!! Hope I am treating her all right...trying my best, God knows my heart. He created it and cradles it in my pain, my agony, my despair. I am not super human, it takes a bit to feel God's peace sometimes... And I think that God doesn't get it...but I am reminded that he really does. He has suffered pain beyond what I could ever imagine!!

God's pain is to see the people he created break his commandments and go against what God tells us in the Bible!! From the beginning of time until this very moment in time!!! And on top of all of that God gave up his son...his ONLY son to suffer and die like a common criminal on the cross for ALL and EVERYBODY else in the world from then until this very moment. His son suffered...for what, he didn't do anything to deserve it...Did you read that? NOTHING!! His blood was shed for me and everybody else. I can not even think to understand the pain God was in...agony!! God gave up his son to give the rest of us eternal life if we just believe in him...that's it...you become a child of God, you have a Father who will comfort you in your worst pain...no matter what! Life will NOT be a walk in the park when you accept Christ into your life...but you will have a peace that you have never known before!!!

That peace comes to me when I cry out to God...and sometimes it's a lot especially when it has to do with my grandma. I have pain a lot and I ask God for peace a LOT!! And I am always so thankful for that peace!! And I know, really I know that God does know pain...I could NEVER imagine giving up one of my children to die for someone else to live. Unthinkable!!! God knows me and loves me even when I get angry or feel sorry for myself, and just get plain old crabby!!! And he has helped me through another spell of frustration...of feeling sorry for myself!! I will miss the rest of the week of VBS (Vacation Bible School) because my grandma doesn't seem to handle change well without me...so, hubby will take the three kids without me. (Okay, thinking about it brings tears to my eyes) My grandma won't suffer and my kids get to be with their daddy!! VBS is in the evening this year...which was going to be great for us!! And I know God will be with me giving me peace even through this period of pain!!! And I thank him for it!!!

2011-07-17T18:50:00.000-05:00

Struggling...

Right now I am struggling with my children's schooling. I/we are trying to decide if homeschooling is what would work best for my/our kids. For days and days I have thought and thought and talked and talked about it. Praying about it...so many things run through my mind! One thing is for sure I want to do what God has chosen for them!

That being said...do I have the discipline to home school?

do I have the patience to teach?

do I have the creativity?

and do I have the ??????

With that being said...I have the desire to see my children succeed!

I have the desire to go the extra mile for them in any way!

I have the desire to encourage them in their school work!

best of all I have the desire to help them past any limits they have!!

There hasn't been any one curriculum that I have stumbled across...my kids need more help then typically developing kids. They need a firmer foundation then they have right now. But socialization is also very important to the children. So I have been thinking about letting them go to school for certain subjects or something similar to that. I have a friend from church who does that. So, I have to look into that option soon!

The internet is FULL of options, and even MANY many FREE things that will work for teaching. I have also collected a LOT of things from time to time to work with the kids on. But, none the less I have to keep praying about it. Hubby is with me and is strongly leaning towards the home school side of life. It's a tough decision...

2011-07-15T21:43:00.003-05:00

Four...

Yep, the answer is four! The question is how many weeks has Srecko been home? All I can say is how time just FLIES by!!!!! It seems like he has been home so much longer then that. What's new? Well, answering questions in English...yes they are only a few word sentences, but answers in English none the less! He knows the routine here and is flexible if it changes. Much better then this mommy who hates a schedule change!!!

Favorite thing to say? "Monkey's eat bananas" Don't ask me why, he came up to me and said that and giggled like he told the world's funniest joke. Favorite food? Anything and that does include Brussels sprouts!!! LOVES water!! Did I say LOVES water? That is an understatement!!! Riding a bike, learning to swing, listening to the word of God, telling people to come and eat, playing with cousins, getting along with siblings

...and not getting along, but best of all is knowing that he has a family that he can say goodnight and good morning to every day!!

We are so blessed to have him in our lives! He is soft spoken...well, maybe not. He is learning to spread his wings, help in the kitchen, get his own water to drink, brush his teeth, and most everything and anything else he can do!! I still can't believe he is here!!

And there he is!!! :) Just took the picture! :) So sweet... ;)

2011-07-04T22:34:00.003-05:00

Fire Works...

Well, today is July 4th, 2011. Thank you for all the men and women that have fought to keep our country safe and free!! We had an easy day today...the kids played and helped mommy and daddy with yard work. Daddy finished mowing and mommy planted shrubs and perennials...the planting took a long time! But it looks really nice!

You know in life you make choices that you may or may regret? Tonight was one I am still not sure about. Tonight we decided to wake the kids up to watch fireworks that they have going off in town. It's just 2.5 miles away, but the best part is we can see most of the fire works sitting on Jovan's bed!!! The kids were thrilled!!! Kristina had seen them before two years ago when she was in the hospital receiving iv antibiotics. They were going off all over in the city...Minneapolis.

When the fireworks were done, it was trips to the bathroom and back to bed! They are working on understanding why we celebrate the 4th. We are excited that our children and ourselves are able to celebrate being free, in the land of the brave!!! Thank you God!

2011-07-02T13:57:00.003-05:00

Cystic Fibrosis...

Cystic Fibrosis is an inherited disease that effects the lungs, digestive system, and liver. To me I just think about what our lungs do for our body. Pushing air through the lungs to keep them clear of mucus build up and also aiding in the digestive process and so forth. A better and more medical explanation on the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation web site . It was the first place I went to do research about CF before we agreed to adopt Kristina.

Our daughter was born with Cystic Fibrosis and we adopted her one month and four days after she turned four. She was tiny and at the time of our adoption time she was getting so sick that I doubted she would make it home to the US or if she would need to go back into the hospital in her country. I was very scared for her. We met the staff that took care of her in the hospital, and one of the doctors knew Kristina's current doctor her in the US. It was a God thing!!! And they thought she would make it okay!

Anyway, we made it to the States and her doctor wanted to put her in the hospital and I BEGGED him to let us try to treat her at home. We did and a month and a half later her doctor declared her lungs MIRACULOUSLY clear!!! Who does miracles? God does!! We had faith that God would help Kristina... Kristina is not cured, CF is a basically a terminal condition. I do not think about that, I just enjoy her day by day. None of us know when we will die...it could be tomorrow?

You ask why would we adopt a child that may die young? Well, we knew that the medicine in the US would help her a great deal and prolong her life. For me, since about the age of six I have wanted to be a mother...and begged God for children!! I would tell him it was okay you could drop a baby on our doorstep I would be it's mother! And later after I married it was hard to see family and friends have children! But, I was ALWAYS so happy for them!!! Every year that I was getting older I thought it was never going to happen, I was never to become a mother. I knew that if God wanted me to I would know. I tried to get a grip on the fact that motherhood eluded me! When we adopted her we had trouble getting her visa to come to the US! I knew that she would die without treatment and without a visa we (Kristina and a parent) would have to stay in her country for two YEARS!! I prayed and asked God to save her, but if he chose not to I thanked him so much for allowing me to be a mother! I never asked God for a time frame of how long I wanted to be a mother, but to please I just wanted to be one and God answered my prayer!

Hubby and I started to think about adoption. We talked about it a LOT! Then we signed up with our county to maybe adopt kids in our foster care system. We did the home study and classes. But something was NOT right! It was hard to explain...God was closing that door. Then we talked about adopting internationally. Oh my, the funds that are needed to do that are absolutely ridiculous!!! Anyway, we got over that and we decided to go to Eastern Europe and adopt a little girl about 2. We started to get our dossier and such ready and the country we wanted to adopt from closed their doors to US families. Okay another closed door, literally!!

So, one day on a break at work I was looking through some saved websites and found a photo listing of Kristina. Oh my! Right away I started to do research about CF and found out that the hospital I worked at was accredited with the CF foundation!! Well, we committed to adopting Kristina and brought her home nine months later. (She had many more miraculous stories with her adoption as well!)

When you look at her, you would never know she has CF. If you look closely at her hands you can see a LOT of scar tissue build up from all the times in the hospital in her country. It is VERY hard to get blood because of that. Other then that she is awesome and healthy!! :)

Why am I telling you all of this? Well the reason is that there are 2 little (almost 2 and a three yr old) children with CF in an Eastern European country. They are healthy right now, but certainly without treatment they will die. Grim I know! Kristina's biological brother died because he had CF...he was a toddler when he died. So how can you help? I can get you in touch with a lady who is advocating for them and she can tell you more info about them. Having kids with CF takes a little bit of work...Kristina does her nebulizer and vest treatments twice a day in the morning and at night. Sometimes we have to do it more when she sounds like she needs it. The vest is a pressure system that vibrates and helps move the mucus around and away from her lungs...basically doing what healthy lungs would do. And she takes a few medications and a special vitamin. No biggie. She goes to the CF doctor four times a year to make sure she is healthy! Beats going into the hospital! Doesn't really cause her any problems other then having to get up a bit early for school.

If you don't want to adopt them you can always donate to help keep down the costs for the parents who commit to adopting them. If you can't do that then PLEASE pray for their health and the parents that God wants them to have! And I know that EVERYONE can pray! Love your kids that God blessed you with and think of those who need parents!!

2011-07-01T18:14:00.002-05:00

Hi...

We have been home two weeks today! This may sound strange but it doesn't seem any harder to have three kids then two. Getting ready for church we were actually earlier then we usually are! That was weird! The only big thing that I have noticed is what Srecko eats! He was VERY picky while we were in country...coming home to the US he eats EVERYTHING! Oops, he does not like milk or plain sliced cheese. He eats and asks for second helpings. Makes me happy! He was not under weight...he and Kristina are five months apart and they weigh almost the same and Kristina is three inches taller.

Everyday I am thankful that I am a mom! Even when the kids are cooped up in the house due to rain and get a little wild! :) We have been practicing school which is great! He can't wait to go to school! The bus picks up Kristina and Jovan for summer school and he cries because he wants to go with! I tell him soon he can go!

Right now Kristina is helping Srecko spell his name! It's so cute!! We have been practicing that for awhile now!! Better go there is a severe thunderstorm coming and thunder shaking the house! Kids are freaking...daddy's got that covered!

2011-06-28T11:18:00.002-05:00

Quick Note...

Wow, we have been home eleven days! Time flies! Things have been going GREAT! Srecko is doing so well, other then the new language he is learning it feels like he has been here for a very long time, if not forever. He is learning the alphabet and has the song almost perfectly! He is learning colors, numbers, counting to five so far and writing his letters...he LOVES to see his successes!! As do all children...his eyes light up like a bright shining star!

The boys love having a room together, they play really well and they are both ALL boys! :) Kristina plays with Srecko more in an organized way...she is a girl after all! So Srecko is enjoyed by both siblings. Other then white milk, he seems to enjoy mommy's cooking. Jovan doesn't like white milk either...oh Srecko doesn't like sliced cheese. We learned that while we were in his country.

Let's see, we went to church on Sunday and the kids sat with us. We let the kids color and read books during the sermon...Srecko sat with his eyes glued to our pastor like he was soaking everything in!! Or maybe he was letting the Holy Spirit wash over him. Pastor was talking about peace. Until you know God, will you have peace with God!

Being a mom is such a wonderful person to be!!!!! I love it, and you all can NOT believe how thankful to God I am that he has blessed me by making me a mom! Hearing my kids giggle, and even struggle together is music to my ears. Things that they say, sometimes what they do, watching them succeed, just everything about them I love!! Don't get me wrong, my kids are not perfect...after all they are just kids and are learning everyday!

We have plans to go visit parks, go camping, go to the zoo, and the splash park! ALL of my kids LOVE water so playing in water has top priority in their eyes!!! Today we are planning on surprising my mom for her birthday. She is camping and the kids would love to see her! So for supper we are headed to visit her. Now, I think we are going to do some outside chores and planting. Kristina and I will be picking rocks from a pile we dug at while my parents were having some work done on their house. Hot and heavy work...then some splashing in water. Don't worry, it is NOT forced labor...she works hard so willingly! She hauls brush, digs rocks, shovels dirt and snow, sweeps, and does household chores. I hope that I can help her continue that willing spirit for the rest of her life...what an awesome servant to God she would be! Jovan does all of those things...but he needs some encouragement! :) But that's okay we are learning that everyone was made differently and they don't all like the same things. :)

I feel like I am just rambling...so much in my head, it's just tumbling out! :) Enjoy your day!

2011-06-18T11:53:00.002-05:00

Home Sweet Home...

We are home! Arrived after some glitches! Home is great and Srecko is fitting in and going with the flow! After a few of us getting up in the night for the storm...this family is NAPPING after lunch today! Catch up later! Thank you God for allowing us to get home safely!

2011-06-14T13:56:00.003-05:00

News...

Boy, I have been SO very bad at blogging during this journey!!! I really blog in my head but I get too tired or busy to blog! Basically days 3-whatever number we are on have pretty much been the same.

Let's see...Highlights have been Srecko speaking some words in English, meeting some wonderful people that have meant something to our children, playing with other children in Srecko's group to make memories for him, falling down

hard on one knee and watched it swell before our

eyes!, having the best time with my hubby walking and looking at sights, and the biggest highlight is this...

Yep, he's ours!! Isn't he a cutie? This was taken the last day we visited him before the adoption ceremony! We are happy! God has moved many mountains to get us to this point right now! I promise that I will post, I have many pictures with stories! :) Praise God with us and the many obstacles that he has worked through for us!

2011-06-08T05:59:00.005-05:00

Day 2/3...

Let' see day two we were very tired...it takes a lot out of you to land and the very next day start your adoption process. It would be good just to have an extra day to breathe. Anyway, thought someone might want to know. So we got up and got ready to go to the orphanage. We see him twice a day. Morning and later in the afternoon. It is nice to have a little time in between for resting or sight-seeing. Day 2 we rested, I was not really feeling the best...just plain icky. I took a nap the whole time between visits. Felt better and then not so good. Went to play with Srecko in the morning just fine. Kind of the same thing, bubbles, coloring and saying things in English. Afternoon visit was okay, but tough for me. Felt ill like feeling like I was getting the flu. We ended up not staying the whole time, the social worker told me to go and rest.

Well, we went home all right and boy was I feeling ill!! Like the loose my tummy kind, and sure enough that's what happened on my way up the stairs to our apt! Lost my lunch! After that I just went down hill and had a high fever that wouldn't go away!! After staying in bed for the day and my mom telling me to look for the good in what was happening I started to improve by evening! Thank you God!

And I was so blessed to be able to be healed as we were going to Srecko's school for the last day ceremony! Oh my, it was the best and of course it brought tears to my eyes! All three kids had a school something this year! K and J had plays they did and Srecko had his ceremony of sorts. We met his teacher that loved him so much!! And met other people as well, it was great!

In the afternoon with Srecko's visit we had a wonderful time outside...he has such an infectious giggle!! You can't but help laugh along with him! We walked home, we were on cloud nine!! Then we went to McDonald's for dinner! And for a walk after that! :) Bedtime was late to be able to talk to our kids about their last day of school. Then to bed...

2011-06-07T11:50:00.000-05:00

Surprised?...

So many people have told me they were surprised that we are here with our son. Well, there was reason for that. Here in Serbia there was a mess (to say the least) that needed to be fixed before adoption rules/laws could be followed correctly!!! We have adopted from Serbia twice before using the help of a woman, and have now learned and understand what happened with her dishonest and criminal heart. We loved her and thought her to be a friend, someone who I thought really cared about us and our children. How do I really know... maybe she just wanted money. I won't go into that right now... Let's just say, we once were very supportive of her...not anymore. And this is a decision we made on our own, and let me tell you it was a tough one to make!

Now, I am surprised myself that I was able to keep quiet about us returning! But we really didn't for sure know we were coming until ONE week before we got here. Up until the week before we were waiting to hear if we would even be allowed to adopt him! So, when we got the email with the date to come I was in shock!! I had almost lost hope...mourning a loss!!!! It is a hard feeling to describe! After those thoughts ran through my mind, then the email came!! Then we shifted into high gear!! I had made many lists and had him partially packed from so long ago, so that wasn't such a big deal. A list can help in many ways...until you loose it! :) But we didn't do to bad at packing. A few things we (I) forgot to pack...no biggie!

Two days before we were to leave I started to not feel well! Some what like flu like but not quite, but I sure felt AWFUL! The day before we left I really doubted we would be able to make it. I begged for God to help me get over my sickness...so I would pack a little, lay down for a bit, pack a little and so on. Thank goodness the kids were in school! My house was not quite in the way I wanted it...but oh well, my family can handle everything!

The flight into Chicago was almost every negative adjective you can think of!! Scary, bumpy, fearful, and so on. Hope you understand! We were supposed to have an hour layover. No biggie can handle getting to the gate. Well, after we almost slide off the runway with us literally getting a hard turn to the right...like swerving to hit a pot hole in the road. We arrived at the terminal with NO NO NO chance of catching our flight!!! Oh, how I begged God to help us...I thought our world was turning upside down! Our God is so good, so strong and so mighty! Ya wanna know what happened? Do ya? Well, our gate to catch our flight to Germany was THREE gates away!! We could see the number even ahead of us! Praise and thank you God!

Okay, so we were some of the last people on the plane! On a VERY crowded plane! And get this...we were not even sitting together for almost an eight hour flight! I died, but thanks to God there was one whole empty seat on the plane and you want to know where it was? Got a clue? Yep, right next to me!! And we sat next to a lovely couple who were expecting their second child from Bosnia. And she spoke English! So every couple of hours either she or I would count down the hours until we got to Germany! It was a good flight.

We got into Serbia and to our apartment that we rented close to the orphanage to be able to walk most places we wanted to go. Yay! Each time we have come we have stayed in different apartments. This one is the smallest and most sparse. But as they say, location location location! :) It will be a little snug with our new son...but cozy is in right?

Now I will crowd together our flight into Serbia and our first day. We went to our MO meeting at promptly 10:00am. It was a great meeting! Comfortable and felt very honest and we were able to ask any question. This was not like before, we were told to not ask questions and not say anything. Well, we had a couple of questions and we were also able to tell a little bit about our already adopted children and what we thought our family would be like. They were all very happy for us and were genuinely interested in us and asked many questions about the children after the meeting! It was wonderful! Then....we got to go to the orphanage!!! They told us he told them to hurry up the meeting and bring his mama and tata to him! How sweet!

So, here he is!!! A little distracted to look at the camera though!!! Who could blame him waiting so long for his mama and tata!!! So many people to see him! We had to put on those lovely coverings! :) And we played with bubbles, cars, balls, and even looked at letter books. We stayed with him for a little over three hours that day. What fun!

We walked home and we were pinching ourselves that we were here again!! After changing clothes we decided to take a walk and get a few groceries. After all of that I got one MAJOR blister that I am still trying to heal at this point! :) Then tata made grilled cheese sandwiches and we called home and saw the children. Jovan told me not to let anyone take me! I about died...my poor son is so afraid I will not come back that even one week and one day later he is still telling me to come home in two minutes! Can't wait to tell him we are coming home!

Then we crashed and woke up to day TWO.

2011-05-30T11:37:00.003-05:00

Adoption Update...

Need I say more?

2011-05-19T12:37:00.002-05:00

Being honest...

Where to begin...this adoption of ours has gone on a LOT longer then I ever dreamed!!! Never ever did I think God's plan was to wait and persevere and learn so much about Him and what it means to trust and depend totally on Him!! At one point when I was totally being attacked I physically ran to my Bible!! Actually, it was my hubby's grandmother's Bible...it just fit so right and felt very comfortable. She has been gone for about ten years and she and I really never knew each other, but her Bible and all it's notes and highlighted passages were of great comfort to me as well as reading and clinging to the passages that I read.

Many things have happened with the adoption program where our little boy is and it has been hard to watch and wait while they figure it out. I did have a post about some of the issues, but when Blogger went down...the post disappeared. Anyway, it basically said that we no longer were supporting the person that had helped us for our other two adoptions. Which is/was a very hard decision to make.

Since making that decision we have found out that we are now waiting and have been waiting for approval from our little boy center of social work. See, we were told that we were already approved by them and they were waiting for us. Not true we were told...so we wait longer to wait and see if they even will approve us!! Can you imagine all this time we thought we were moving forward and moving along and find out our answer could be NO? How would you feel? And yes, I know all about God's timing and God's will because that is what we want but this just threw us for a HUGE loop!!

God has been working with us a couple and we are much stronger and depend so much more then we ever have before in our lives, so that is awesome for us!!

If it seems like I am complaining and not trusting God, maybe...a little. I am tired, we are tired of waiting. So we are not doing what God is calling us to do. Wait with perseverance and have hope in God...looking at a bed and dresser all ready for a little boy that has our hearts. We have known him just as long as our other two...we met all of them almost four years ago. In a few days it would be four years. He is the cutest determined little boy! So sweet and I can see him in my mind to this day. I don't need any pictures to tell you where his smile lines are and how his eyes light up with joy! How he walks and runs, yes I remember it all!

Being the emotional person I am (or have been told many times) have cried and begged God to protect him, hold him, give him peace and joy!! Keep his spirit bright!! Hubby and I both have!!

We trust God to take care of him as God created him and knows every tiny bit about him!! God knows even more then what I remember! :) So maybe soon we will hear something about moving forward and making plans to travel. Or grieve for our loss of a little boy that we felt God leading us to.

One more emotional thing...this person that helped us I thought cared about us and our children. I used to send pictures and information to this person thinking they were glad to get it. But now I am not sure...I don't know and feel somehow betrayed.

This is me just being honest with my feelings and things that are happening with our adoption. Pray for us as we wait out our fate and that of a little boy that we so much want to call son!

2011-05-12T06:50:00.000-05:00

Why...

After I published that post and even now as I write this I still have pain in my heart from all of this! Did I need to blog and publish this? Some may say yes and others may say no. For so long I happily and gladly supported this person and encouraged others to do so as well. After all we had known each other for almost five years! I didn't have any reason to doubt this person's honestly or believe they could violate our trust.

And I did it publicly because I want others to know that it is very very wise not to be as naive as we were when pursuing an international adoption...no matter who it is! I have been told many times I am an emotional person...yes very true!! So I will always remember this person with a tiny bit of pain.

We can talk about forgiveness...and yes I have forgiven this person. It took a little bit, and lots of prayer because I got very upset at all of this mess and this person.

God forgives us and we are to forgive others...and all I can think about is how God wipes our sins away because he gave up His son to die for me (and of course everyone else in the world!)...why did he let he ONE and ONLY son die? So that if we believe in Him we shall live. So, how can I not forgive someone else? Thank you God for giving us your son and for always and forever forgiving us for all the wrong and many times we pain your heart! I am blessed and so thankful that I am loved even in the time of needing forgiveness. Everyone can have that same thing, all one must do is trust God and believe in Him!! It will not be easy...oh no way, life is not easy, but it can have peace!

Please pray for this person and all of the families involved, whether they experienced similar things to us or not. But because a lot has been said on all kinds of blogs and such, pray they will have peace whatever they may believe about this mess with us and others.

2011-04-16T16:20:00.003-05:00

Cycles of life...

This picture is the cycle of life for butterflies. There are many changes that happen in it's cycle. I do believe that happens for all of us. I know that for me I have gone through many cycles on this journey of adopting our son. Good changes and not such good changes. But I am very thankful to God for everything I have learned to make it to this day at this very moment! So many many tears, so much time reading my Bible, and most and best of all spending so much time with my Abba Father!! Has God changed you...have you allowed Him to?

2011-04-11T11:37:00.002-05:00

Psalm 5:2-4...

Verse 2 Hear my cry for help my King and my God, for you I pray.

Verse 3 In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you

and wait expectantly.

Verse 4 For you a not a God who is pleased with wickedness; with you, evil people are not welcome.

This is my verse and thoughts for today. I am laying requests before God and am waiting for Him to answer according to His will and desire for us.

2011-03-18T07:07:00.002-05:00

A Verse...

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13

I claim this verse this morning! It was today's verse at BibleGateway.com! Thank you God for putting this verse right in front of me!! This morning I went to look for a verse with hope in it. Last night I found several but wanted to find more. So I went on BibleGateway and tada there it was! God is so good to me today and everyday!!!

You must praise God through EVERYTHING!

2011-03-13T15:40:00.003-05:00

Spring is coming...

So much to post...I have many stories and many verses to share. But I am a wee bit tired as Kristina has been sick since Tuesday so we have had late nights and many neb treatments. So thankful to God that Jovan has not been sick. Hubby was down for two days too. Very rare for hubby to get sick, it through me off a little.

Well, I'll post more later...pizza supper needs to get ready! :)

2011-02-26T11:00:00.003-06:00

Still Here...

We are still here...just been so under the weather! All of us have gone through icky stuff and mommy rode in an ambulance the other day to the ER. Jovan was so happy to see the ambulance! And a few paramedics in the neighborhood came in their fire suits so that was the tops for him!! But my sweet son was very concerned that I come back. Of course I did after spending ALL day there..and I was seen right away and often. Better now...almost.

This week one grandmother had her birthday and I want to announce to the world that we missed it. It was mommy's fault..that's when I got really sick. So we have to think of something special to do for her... Wish she lived closer so that we could just pop over and have cake with her!! But, she lives a plane ride away.

Other then that we are plugging along...Trying to catch up on the little things, like laundry!!!! :) Any one want to help? hee hee Managed to keep the bathroom and kitchen clean...thanks to my mom!! The kids had her help the other day to get ready for school and had a nice morning...it's amazing what toast made by grandma can do! :) Better go...laundry buzzer is done. And mommy needs to run into town to have more labs drawn. YUCK!! Oh, and daddy is going out to play in the snow with the kids...(mommy will be resting) :)

2011-02-14T08:55:00.003-06:00

Happy Valentine's Day...

Happy Valentine's Day!!! It's actually a fun little holiday. Hubby and I don't do a lot to celebrate...because it is like Valentine's Day every single day in our house!! I know sappy, but very true!! But I prayed for my husband!! One day I was running an errand for work and I prayed for God to take away the desire to be married or please bring him to me. I proceeded to tell God that I would just wait...but the man had to have a long last name, tall, someone who I could walk on the beach with, and love God. Of course not in that order, but you get the idea.

Well, TWO weeks later there was a new guy that started at work. Cute, tall, nice sense of humor and very kind hearted! I AVOIDED him like he had a disease!! If he walked into a room, I would walk out. This went on for weeks...never was I alone with him! We worked at a group home for people of all ages with disabilities. Down Syndrome, brain injuries, and just issues with being very delayed mentally. Anyway, it needed to have team work...something that I participated in but never with him! Fast forward a month...

It was his birthday and he was new to the area so two other married couples suggested he and I go to the movies for his birthday. I said okay and so did HE! We saw the movie Turner and Hooch. Cute movie! Anyway there is a sad part...tears started to flow and he was very forward and patted my knee!!! UGH! Then there was a day we had to work ALONE TOGETHER!!! I died...it was just so ???? We were doing our charting for the evening and a pre-season football game was on...we finally talked more then just work related. Interesting guy and sweet. By the way we were in the living room which was HUGE and I was sitting as far away as I could! :)

Well that was a couple of weeks after the movie...and I guess we talked some more and even on the phone. We never went out...then one month after our going out with the other couples hubby asked me to marry him. Wow!!! But there was such a peace I knew that I was supposed to marry him. It took me a few months to tell him that I loved him. My love for him just blossomed like God was growing it for me!! So cool!

Eight months and two days after he proposed I was a married woman to the man God hand picked for me!! Thank you God!! By the way my hubby is tall, has a long last name, and we walked on a beach in California several years ago and best of all he LOVES the Lord!!

I know many other people have stories like that...but this is mine and I am SO thankful that I asked God for my husband!! We have been married 20 years eight months and nine days today!! And let me tell you our marriage gets better and better as the moments go by! Adding our children has just made it more well rounded...to see him love our children, spend time with them, play with them, and take care of them just makes me love him even more. Every night he prays for our son that has not joined our family...he is just more then I could have imagined or wanted in a husband!! And there have been SO many times that I have thanked God for him!!

Enjoy your Valentine who ever it might be!! Spouse, parent's, children, friends, or just you.

2011-02-08T10:48:00.004-06:00

My Child...

My child is missing!!!!! I went into his room to open

his blinds and I found this on the floor.

Instead of making his bed and putting his pj's away he laid them out. It touched me...miss that little boy!! Glad his is just under 3 miles away from me!! Safe and sound in school!

2011-02-05T14:15:00.005-06:00

Clean...

Something we all want our children to be!! So what is a better way to dry off your clean kid? With their own towel!!! Check out these towels!! My friend Stephanie is doing a fundraiser to bring home her children from Eastern Europe. The towels are really cute!! They would make great gifts for any occasion!! Here is where you can check them out...there is not much time left!!

While you are there you can check out her amazing family! I am in awe of her, she rocks! :)

2011-02-01T09:07:00.003-06:00

My Daughter...

I am SO thankful to God for my beautiful daughter!!! She lights up a room with her smile!!! My daughter has been under the weather for the last several days. She went to the doctor for just a check up last Friday and was very good health wise. Praise God!!! She has grown almost an inch since October!! I can't believe how tall she is!! Anyway, now she is not feeling good at all! And CRABBY oh my!!!!! Every time she coughs it chips away on my insides and makes my heart just ache!! The coughing and nose blowing has gone on for days!! Because of that we have been doing her neb treatments every four hours. I am so thankful for the medicine that we have that can help her with out sending her to the hospital!! Thank you God!! Enjoy your daughters and give them extra love! I know that is what I am doing today!!!!

2011-01-27T09:35:00.004-06:00

Just Because...

My children are at school right now and the house is so quiet. And they are just SO cute!!

2011-01-25T10:44:00.001-06:00

Stuff...

Last night I lost the my pearl off a necklace my hubby gave me eighteen years ago, and he gave it to me just because he loved me. :) We had been married almost two years...now we are going on twenty-one. (so a LONG time ago!) You can imagine the sentimental value. That was last night... and this morning I kept saying to myself..."it's just stuff, it's just stuff" repeating often as I was going downstairs to my room. On the second to the last step I stepped on it. Now, I had gone up and down those steps several times last night and again this morning. My pearl was in the middle of the step and I didn't even notice it...so, I am ever so thankful to be reminded again that I really know it is just stuff and I would give it all away if that is what I am called to do...

Like how in the Bible Jesus talked about in Matthew 6 starting in verse 19 Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store for yourself treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do NOT destroy, and where thieves do NOT break in a steal. For where your treasure is , there will be your heart also.

I am reminded of this, thank you God as I am finishing up preparing for our son to come home. In our house we do have a lot of stuff...I don't believe it is more then an average family...at least I hope NOT!! But, I want my treasure to be in heaven...where my heavenly Father lives! I want to be obedient to what God wants me to do. Sometimes, it is hard to part with stuff like my pearl...but it can be done!! And the choice is ours...where is your heart?

2011-01-19T09:31:00.003-06:00

What's In A Name?...

To answer that question...to me it means a label to one's identity. Sometimes a name is chosen because of a meaning or family name. Well, God gave me a name through blessing me with a little boy who has known my name for a little over a year. The name God gave me was MOM. My son gave this to me yesterday afternoon. (sorry it's a little blurry)

My name is Mom to my son and he wrote my name down to show me that he knows who I am. :) I was so touched and he was so happy...the joy of motherhood!!!

2011-01-10T13:24:00.001-06:00

A Few Posts Back...

Sacrifice: An act of giving up something of value for the sake of something that is of greater value or importance What this means to me and examples in my life:

1) Most importantly when I think of sacrifice, I think of God. He gave up His ONLY son to die on the cross that who ever would believe in him can have eternal life. God sent His ONLY son to die a horrible horrible death for me (and of course for any one else who believes in Him). I can't even imagine how He did that. I can hardly let my kids go to school some mornings because I miss them. (I know that is ???) God sacrificed for me, He did that before I was even born...WOW God sure must love me! And I know he does! I am a child of His, in fact when I first believed I became and adopted child of His! I am so thankful that I know God and LOVE him with my whole heart!! I know that I could have stuck many Bible verses in here, but I am talking from my heart and what I know. (and many verses fit here)

2) Another example is my family, my mother and sister specifically!!! They are sacrificing their lives and their plans to take care of my family while we travel and bring home our son. My sister will be moving in while we are gone. My mother lives up the road so she is close. But she works full time and drives an hour each way and lately my dad has been really under the weather! So, in addition to my sister working almost full time she will have the responsibility of my kids, two Dachshunds, our grandmother and still has her family to take care of. My whole heart brims over with gratitude for my mom and sister. They are the best!!

3) We as parents sacrifice for our children. Whether it be sleep or that last treat..we do a lot. Of course that goes along with being called a parent, but still we do it for our kids. And LOVE it.

Heart: A muscular organ that pumps blood through the body AND A person's feelings or capacity to love or compassion What this means to me and examples in my life:

1) I have a heart that beats the way God intended it to beat and work. Thank you God for my heart!!

2) Some people would call me emotional, maybe that is true...but my heart is touched by so many things. Sometimes it hurts so bad for something that it actually feels physical. Unfortunately there are many things that cause this to happen. Lately it has been thinking about my son so far away and so out of reach. Death of course, at the end of this month will be two years that my great-uncle passed away. I was there just minutes after he passed. I could hardly let go of his hand and stop caressing his head!! Then at the funeral I felt my heart was going to burst out of my chest in such pain. I couldn't let go of his hand then either...brings tears to my eyes right now. I literally could not let go...now I know it was his body and all that, and he was dancing and singing up in heaven, but I couldn't let him go. At the cemetery, oh my that was awful!! It was so cold...

3) My capacity to love is given to me by God. I am thankful for a loving heart...I am able to love and have compassion that sometimes even surprises me. This is something that I hope to impress on my child to ask God for a heart of compassion.

Patience: The capacity to tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without becoming angry or upset What this means to me and examples in my life:

1) Um, wow look at that definition. Guess what? After reading that I have learned that I really have to learn how to have patience!!!! Now it is something that God is working on in me! I think I am getting it down to just being a little crabby or complaining about it. :(

2) This concept is VERY hard to teach to children!!!! Anyone agree? Or maybe not? They almost understand that waiting and having patience go hand in hand with each other. Maybe they will learn it a lot earlier in life! :)

So, that's about it for a definition lesson today. Think about how you would define these words in your own life and maybe be better at using them in your life...

2011-01-07T08:48:00.003-06:00

Hey Mom...

Jovan came to me yesterday morning and said "look mom I need haircut". This coming from my little boy who is a little fussy about his hair !! He's only eight!

Isn't he the cutest little boy...wait I have TWO! Sweet and so silly! Kind and gentle! He is such a beautiful blessing from God!! Thank you God!! And he will get a haircut this weekend! :)

2011-01-05T18:10:00.004-06:00

This is my son...

My son, what beautiful words!! I get so choked up over his little face that needs millions and millions of kisses!! He has arms wide enough for so many hugs that he does not need to worry about missing out ever again!!! And I can NOT wait to tell him I LOVE HIM!!!!

2011-01-01T13:15:00.012-06:00

Holidays and Everyday...

We have begun a new year, a new beginning, a fresh start, slate wiped clean, and what ever else you say when a new year starts. This post will be about the new year and also the one that has just ended.

This past year for me has been filled with many many changes in my life. It started out with planning to be a mom of THREE children. To be honest, it was like "wow God are you sure?" I want as many children as God chooses to bless us with, but never really hit me like he would give us more. Does that make sense? After a few days of knowing this was from God, he was leading us I was thrilled to death and started planning. Finding out the needed info to adopt again.

Okay, according to the several people I talked to we were good to go. Great, then figuring out the finances. We had just brought home child #2 and needed to regroup and go forward with the financial part. There were plans for that and close to the end we were not able to get the resources. We were working on other options as well...but slower, much slower. God knew EVERY EVERY single step we would be taking following him! There were SO many people that have donated to us that means so much and we thank you all so very much! Never did I think or dream that I would learn to trust God so much more in spite of human opposition.

Faith, hope, trust, and patience in and with God! That would be my mantra for this past year. And NO I do not have each of those perfected...far from it. I try so hard (with God's help) to grasp each concept. Faith that our adoption will happen, hope that I am following God's path, trust that each step is solid, and patience waiting for our son to be home.

There are a a few instances that I panicked about things, it ended in a hurt friendship and it was because I panicked...but I should have had faith in God and in my friend!! And I should have followed and clung to my verse found in Romans 8:30 If God is for us then who can be against us. No matter what came in our way.

School was a big deal for us this year. One, they rode the bus and two, they go to school everyday. Some days I miss them terribly!! They are just two and a half miles away, but it seems like a million!! They have/had great teachers!! Love them!! Now their teachers will both be on maternity leave. Both teachers have wanted to be mommies for a long time and now they are going to be blessed to be!! I am so happy for them as I know what it is like to wait for a LONG time to be a mom!

My kids also have the BEST teacher that works with them out of the classroom. Works with them on tests and many other things. She also helps with meetings and making sure that both kids have everything they need. I can NOT thank her enough for taking such great care of my children.

Then as the year came to a close it was planning for and celebrating holidays. Holidays that one little boy did not celebrate with his family. No one but God knows how I have cried over waiting for our son. Sometimes I just ask God why? Why make this little boy wait for us? But, I am reminded that it is God that has control and that is what I want!! But this mommy wants the world to know that I can't wait to welcome that little boy in my arms!!! He already has my heart!!!

2010-12-22T11:21:00.002-06:00

OOOOHHHH...

My baby boy! I imagine that he is saying OHHHH! Isn't he the cutest little boy you have ever seen!! Got these pictures this morning!!! I will share some more later!! THANK YOU to the best woman in the world for sending us pictures!!!!!

After I cried and settled my pain in my heart...I sent the pictures on to daddy and grandma!! My mom (grandma who lives up the road) cried too!! And she most often is not emotional like me! :)

This is my son, my little boy who is waiting (seems like FOREVER, I know) for us to come!! Soon my son I will be able to wrap my arms around you and kiss your little cheeks, the best of all tell you that you have a family that loves you very much!!! Thank you God for this blessing!!

2010-12-20T19:54:00.002-06:00

Thank You!!!...

I can NOT say THANK YOU loud enough to so many people that have helped us along the way to bring our son home!! It is exciting...I was driving the other day and thought about the old saying about how it takes a village to raise a child. Well, it is taking a village to bring our son home. Just know you all are thought about and prayed about a lot!!

Today we got more donations..not through Chip-in which brings our total to $505.00 Praise God!!! I am so excited and so thankful!! We continue to pray and be thankful for EVERYTHING!!

Stay tuned..more topics to come and a continuation of THANK YOU!!

2010-12-19T14:13:00.003-06:00

Many Topics to Come...

There are many topics in my head that will be posted soon. Some of the topics will be:

Sacrifice: An act of giving up something of value for the sake of something that is of greater value or importance

Thank you: I think self explanatory :)

Heart: A muscular organ that pumps blood through the body AND A person's feelings or capacity to love or compassion

Patience: The capacity to tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without becoming angry or upset

Stay tuned...they are in my head I just have to write them done...soon I will be posting. We are having a relaxing Sunday. It's quiet the sun is out and I am loved!

2010-12-09T07:45:00.004-06:00

My Heart...

My heart is very sore and achy!! This morning Jovan said "doctor make my leg longer" and he showed me with his hands how long it will be. His orthopedic doctor is going to try and put some kind of prosthetic on his shorter leg to make it maybe possible to have him walk upright using a backwards (following behind instead of him pushing) walker. I told him that he would have to use a walker and he sounded so sad..then he asked if he still would need his wheelchair. I said yes...

I died inside!! My son so wants to be like a typical kid! He loves soccer and his special ed teacher called the other day and asked if he could play with his classmates (Jovan is in a regular classroom, but has a special ed tacher for his physical IEP)...I said yes, just take off his glasses. He plays the goalie I think. What do you say to a child who has a forever tough uphill climb to make in life. I know in his head he knows..and lately it is really coming out in many questions.

We always are positive about his situation and his mobility issues. He can do so many things!! So far about the only thing he can't do is bring dishes to the table or clear his plate from the table. I know we can probably figure out something to do for that (I have an idea)...but is it a big deal not to clear his space at the table? I don't think so!

In our home we all take care of the house according to ability!! Chores are a given here! Both Kristina and Jovan have their list. Jovan has recently taken the recycling down the steps to put in the garage. That is a big job and a little scary, but he wants to do it. He has about ten steps to go down to reach the garage door. And it takes him several trips sometimes..but he succeeds and it is awesome!!

My heart does not hurt so much...God is good, thinking about all the positive things he can do and just thanking Him for my son...every single inch of him!! Thank you for listening to this mother's pain...and NO I do NOT feel sorry for him, I just feel bad that I can not "fix" him the way he wants to be! But I think most mother's feel that way when their child has pain on their heart. Enjoy your children...every inch of them!!!

2010-11-29T11:21:00.003-06:00

Friends...

The definition of friend is: one attached by another by affection and esteem. I am sure lots of people have friends and some may even have LOTS of them. Growing up I had friends, really good friends and then they or we moved away. This happened all through out my childhood!! It was tough at times not to have friends...but I am truly truly blessed with the ones I have now!!

Why am I bringing this up? Well to be honest I have to say that something is really bothering me. It is breaking my heart and my eyes have tears quite often. It is about my son..our son who is almost 5000 miles away from us. He is loosing his friends..he sees other kids get their mommies and daddies and he wants them too. When I found this out it put a huge huge ache in my heart (and please don't tell me that God can heal it or whatever please, because I know and my ache is better, but still there). I have learned many things from God during this adoption process, but the pain in my heart just hurts. When I see our kids do something I want our other little boy to be in on it too. Thanksgiving, setting up our Christmas tree, playing in the snow, and so many many other things like that.

The thing that goes through my mind is, I am a true believer in Christ an adopted child of God! Then why oh why is this verse so difficult to live? We live by faith, not by sight. 2 Corinthians 5:7 (NIV) This verse should be easy to do now...but I sometimes have much trouble!! I know and have faith that God is holding my son in His arms right now! I know that God can and is my son's friend and that God is the best friend my son will ever have!! God will not leave my son ever! I can not see this, yet I sure believe it!! I have faith that it is true. And I am so very thankful that God loves my son unconditionally like me! God knows what a sweet boy our son is! He created our son, no other little boy is like him..

One day our son will have friends, hopefully a very close friend. I can not wait for the day that my son brings friends home! I can't wait for the day he calls Jovan friend! Kristina and Jovan tell each other that they are friends..I know they have room for more friends in their life..especially a new brother.

2010-11-29T05:35:00.005-06:00

Up Up and Away...

This is not the actual picture of our plane or runway..but you get the idea. We are very soon (well if after the country's winter break in January) we are going to go up up and away to get our son!!! Praise God! Right now there is a new fundraiser going on to raise our son's expenses needed to come home. He is needing a medical exam, visa and plane ticket. Which is roughly $1500.00. You can see his fundraiser on my friends blog that is doing the fundraiser right here.

Right now I am looking into fundraising ideas and wish I had some cool electronic gadgets to give away, but right now I don't...so I am just leaving it open to whatever God does and however people are led. If anyone lives close enough I would clean bathrooms for a donation! :) For those who know me you know that the bathroom is my most favorite room to clean! :) (Really and truly!!) Have to have a little humor now..peace and joy are dancing in my heart because we are going to complete this adoption and close this journey and get our son!!!

We still have our fundraiser with Cardsforanymoment going on. The cards are so cute and I am

going to give both kids one of these when we leave! Isn't it cute?

I forgot to mention to continue to pray for us as we get ready to fly up up and away! There have been many many interesting and disheartening things that have happened to us along this journey. And MANY lessons I have learned from God while I have waited.. But, if I believe that God is in control and his timing is perfect then this LONG wait was HIS plan, not mine!! Soon, God willing we will be going up up and away.

2010-11-24T18:53:00.004-06:00

A Journey...

When you decide to make a life change, do you prepare yourself a lot of information or do you just jump right in? Hum... I do both. When we first started out looking and pursuing adoption I read and studied myself to death!!!! Oh my, I was constantly filling myself with details and thinking I was doing so much better knowing it all! Yeah right, God showed me that I really only needed to trust him with the details because all of that research I did was for a DIFFERENT country then the one we adopted from!! So, I did some research on the EE (Eastern Europe) country we were adopting from. It is after all a part of my heritage as much as the previous country I studied about. We followed God's lead...

Then to do all the preparing, packing, and exercise a large amount of faith in patiently waiting. My hubby had never traveled out if the country, I had several years prior. Although I was not very successful... I was so very ill with nerves and got sick in flight!! But I was however successful in changing planes!! I was happy about that!

Well the day came...nerves were high and so was the feeling of being ill!! We had a dear wonderful friend bring us to the airport!! Also the one who listened to me daily while I tried to wait patiently! She made me eat a banana, and I felt so much better!!! Then we were off and still a wee bit nervous.

Our plane ride was fine although a little bit cramped for my hubby. (We now spend the extra dollars for the few more inches..makes a huge difference for my much taller then me husband!) Changed planes and landed at our destination country. Got through customs and such and went to look for our driver. Um...not one person with a sign for us. A wee bit of panic set in when I realized I did NOT have the sheet with our in country info contacts! And all of that info was on our computer...unattainable at that time.

But we all know that God provides don't we? I hope so! There was a couple that we started talking to at the airport one stop from our destination country. They were traveling back for their summer vacation, as now they live abroad. We shared with them about our adoption journey and they shared with us about the country. Anyway, after we did not see anyone for us and the airport was thinning out hubby and I were praying so hard for an answer of what to do... Our new "friends" came over to check on us, they were concerned about us. A friend of theirs met them at the airport that they were not expecting...(imagine that) Turns out he was a taxi driver! So after praying some more we decided to do as he suggested and head to a hotel to sort things out and get on our computer. We were able to contact our wonderful facilitator she was able to help us out. While we waited we went looking for a wee bite to eat. We walked all the way around the hotel with not a morsel of food to be found. Headed back to our room and tried to order room service. Had a pizza and cokes brought up. It was different then our pizza so we ate what we liked and it helped a lot.

Finally we were tucked into our apartment and slept for quite some time!! We arrived a whole day early to get over jet lag and get settled. Now this is funny...we walked out of our apartment courtyard all ready to explore, and going past the gate freaked us out!! Okay maybe me more then hubby, and he agreed to turn around and go back into the apartment!! After searching the internet for a map of some sort we ventured back out again. We walked up and down the street in front of our apartment each way as far as it would go. What fun and the hours we were gone oh my!! I even let my hubby go down some side streets, we saw so much and even an open market! What fun!! We then stopped at the corner grocery and bought a few things. It was like a treasure hunt so fun and exciting!! (at least it was for me!)

Our adoption journey had begun! Next day we met our beautiful little girl that God had picked out especially for us!! And what a journey it had been so far!

Why am I telling all of this story and maybe not very interesting to you? There is a moral and an ending to this I promise! The moral of the story is NOT to panic, NOT to overly obsess about planning your adoption journey! Go through it one moment at a time and immerse yourself in your surroundings! Don't worry about what you know because it might not be that way! Look all around at the people, buildings, animals, and take in the smells and sounds too! You are going to a foreign country and YOU are the one who is different! Chances are the country is a LOT different then what you used to. Food, taxi rides, beds and most importantly the traditions and customs will be different! When we were in country I always tried to be very courteous and follow others lead the way!! In America we are such a now society!! (I can say that because that is how I am sometimes too) We want everything our way, our time, and even the quickest way possible! I won't mention how we all need to rely on God and his timing because we all know that too! :)

Just remember to enjoy your adoption journey (or any journey God chooses to take you on) and praise God that he took you on it! Rejoice that you are getting a HUGE gift from God! He will never leave or forsake you!! Psalms 38:21 O LORD, do not forsake me; be not far from me O my God. In a different country or even in your own backyard! Thank you God!!

2010-11-19T18:22:00.002-06:00

Thank You...

I just want to say thank you for all of the comments and prayers about our adoption and some things that have happened!! For several days I really struggled with being sad...just kind of like a worn out feeling. Today I was able to rise above it..thanks to God, my sister and my friend Peanut Butter/Jelly!! :) A renewed joy and such a peace!! It just so wonderful...knowing we just keep moving forward every step of the way seeking God's wisdom and direction.

Have you ever felt like you really needed to do something and knew it had to be done to the furthest finality? That is just how it is with me! Some people might not understand...but it is clear to me to go on! And I am so glad, so very glad that I have stayed to course during this journey!!! Right now I am calm and peaceful and so thankful for my family and friends! Thank you for your continued prayers for us and our son!!

2010-11-19T08:00:00.011-06:00

Feelings...

Do you ever feel like sometimes you are not heard...no matter how hard you try? And sometimes trying to explain things makes it worse. And even though you are honest and truthful to your very core, you are just not believed? How does that make you feel? For me it makes me feel very sad, angry, frustrated, whithered and just plain want to quit.

It has taken a lot of faith and really trusting God to get us as far as we have in this adoption. Each of our children's adoptions have had their own trials, obstacles and difficulties, but none as hard as this one. I have learned more about trusting and waiting upon God than ever before. That's how He works isn't it? - through our pains and sufferings we learn obedience, trust and worship. In Hebrews the Bible talks about how Jesus learned obedience. Hebrew 5:8 Although he was the Son, he learned obedience through what he suffered.

The adoption site we were working with literally turned on us. Instead of encouraging us on we received reprimands that we weren't raising money fast enough, that I was not following their directions and even worse that we were standing in the way of this little boy receiving parents.

It hurts like crazy to be misunderstood and worse yet to be falsely accused! I wanted to give up! Not give my up my heart's desire for our son, but give up the struggles and battles we keep encountering in reaching him! How deep can a heart be broken? I've learned the depths of pain in a new way.

But who is God? He is alive and well! He sees when we are crushed! He hears our heart's cry! He's not indifferent to injustice! He rises up to our defense! That is the almighty God my family and I worship! And he is tenderhearted and with a sense of humor!

I was filled with joy and laughter with what God showed me. So in the very midst of my despair, I got my Bible out and found a couple of passages in Isaiah. They just jumped out at me! I am so thankful that God showed me these passages!

Chapter 43:5 Fear not, for I am with you; I will bring your offspring from the east, and from the west I will gather you; I will say to the north, Give up, and to the south, Do not withhold; bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the end of the earth.

Chapter 41:11-13 Behold, all who are incensed against you shall be put to shame and confounded; those who strive against you shall be as nothing and shall parish. You shall seek those who contend with you, but you shall not find them; those who war against you shall be as nothing at all. For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, "Fear not, I will help you".

He has made us stronger so we can continue to do God's will no matter what! I will hold out my right hand and join it with my heavenly Father!

So now this goes back to feelings... so many! But I will tell you that we are not giving up! We are climbing the huge mountain ahead of us. Being strong and trusting God in all of this. He led us to bring this boy home where he belongs and God will help us no matter what the opposition is!

There will be one less orphan as soon and I hope all you faithful readers and the heavenly hosts above rejoice with us! Please join with us and pray for God to continue working through us. I cling to this powerful verse in Romans 8:31 (NIV) If God is for us then WHO could be against us? That to me means NO ONE can be...

2010-11-15T14:18:00.002-06:00

Hebrews 11:1...

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. (RSV)

That's all I have to say...just pray...

2010-11-12T09:06:00.004-06:00

Winners...

I am finally posting the winners/gift recipients of our son's birthday party. Thank you so much everyone for being a part in bringing our son home!!! It was an emotional birthday...tears because he wasn't here for it, and joy that so many people have helped us bring us this far! And a peaceful feeling that we know God is in control of our journey and we trust Him!!!

So here goes..Angie C will be receiving the book

Jeannette W will be receiving the first sign

Julia N will be receiving the second sign

Jennifer R will be receiving the third sign

(You will be receiving an email letting you know as well!) :)

We are so thrilled to death that we are getting closer to our end goal!! A HUGE blessing from God!!!! Can't wait!! Makes my heart hurts a lot...waiting, not so patiently sometimes..but waiting. I have put a few clothes in his dresser..gotten his winter coat and boots ready..(now remember I thought Jovan was going to be the same size and the clothes were originally going to be his.) So our second son is getting hand me downs from his older brother! So sweet! :) I have only purchased swim trunks..they were marked down to a very low price.. :)

Well, we are in for some snow this weekend and I better get some things ready. Surprise my hubby and get the shovels and salt in their respected places and all set to GO!! :)

2010-11-10T07:49:00.003-06:00

Good Morning...

Today we (the kids) will pick the names of the winners in our birthday give-away drawing. There is still time to give if you want. They will draw names when they get home from school. The picture above was taken this morning during breakfast..I love the way God gives us brand new days fresh and new. And so many beautiful colors too!! I have linked the give-away prizes here. It brings you to my friend who made the signs and giving away a great book!! :)

Thank you very much for all who donated to bring our son home! It means so much to me to see how God gives us wonderful people in our lives and on this journey! The road has been long, but we believe in God's timing! It is perfect...and we trust and have faith and hope to the end! Enjoy your day that the Lord has made, we will rejoice and be glad in it!

2010-11-05T07:25:00.002-05:00

Please Pray...

There has been 2 geological shifts in the last two days where our son is. It is about 70 miles away, but still felt where he is. He is okay, but there is a family traveling to adopt their son and he is located much closer. You can read about their journey here. Pray for them as they will be traveling soon. Please keep the country and specifically the areas hardest hit and for the loss that people have experienced!!

2010-11-03T11:34:00.003-05:00

The Joy of the Lord...

The joy of the Lord is my strength! I believe that! During this adoption process many things have happened. Some really affected my in a very hurtful way. Nearly knocking me to the ground, but I reached up and out to God and he has sustained me!

Lately when I need strength or peace I pick up my feet and run for my Bible! In Ephesians 6:10-11 (RSV) Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. Here it is in black and white. God will be there to help me stand!

One of the Bible's I have been reading is one that belonged to hubby's grandmother. I have no idea how we got it..but I love seeing what she underlined and notes that she had written. I did not really know her very well, but would like to think that she happy that we are adding to our family. The other Bible is one that she had given us for our wedding present. It's interesting after all these years how they are joined together. God is good! Each of these Bibles and the one that is mine and the one that has carried me for many years each have a different version. God is using THREE different ways to tell me what I need to hear and obey!

And I am listening loud and clear...and still learning and still asking for help to stand. And my verse I have repeated many times is Romans 8:31 What then shall we say to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? I have read many adoption blogs (cried, laughed, gotten goose bumps, and prayed for them) and you know I have read many parents that have had family and friends go against them. Things that people say and sometimes do may happen, but we need to rise up and reach for our heavenly father! He loves us and wants us to run to him, like we want our adopted children to run to us! When was the last time you ran and reached up to our heavenly Father?

2010-10-29T08:33:00.005-05:00

Kids...

Yep, I have two going on three. Thank you God! Well, kids sometimes need a little more encouragement on some days. Yesterday was an example for my daughter..let us just say that it was not a very spectacular day. It was a day for frustration, and a day that was a reminder of how to listen much better!

So what do you do on those days? For me it was quite a combination of emotions. Because she

did not listen very well there was a chain reaction. Later after she was told the consequences of her actions (that is being disciplined) ...we had a great evening!

We needed to use this card to find out what happened. Kristina knows these cards and she sometimes has a hard time expressing herself, so this took pressure away and she was able to tell me what happened. Sometimes seeing a picture is easier then words. As in this case with my daughter.

How sweet is this? Kristina loves cats! The cat girl! :) So this was a sweet way to remind her that even though she had a rough day and she needed to be disciplined I still love her! Very very much! More then mommy can stretch her arms wide!

My children love to look at pictures!! Of anything..even of those icky bug pictures! :) So these cards are great for my children to see and understand. I am showing these cards and giving real life examples of how we use cards in this family with our kids.

These cards can be found here. Not only are they great for kids, there are many other kinds as well. Love them! While we are still raising money for our adoption this company is donating to our adoption fund. You could find many reasons for these cards and also help us at the same time. Check it out! When you buy cards it would be really awesome to know how you used them..maybe someone else could get ideas! Just leave a comment on my blog!

2010-10-28T12:28:00.008-05:00

New Post...

It was brought to my attention that I have not blogged in thirteen days. Well, as some bloggers know sometimes you are just too busy or run out of ideas to blog about. FYI not the case here, well maybe the busy part but no I have not run out of ideas and topics! :) Lucky readers you all are!

Right now I am dealing with P words. Some not my favorite because they are hard to do sometimes! But one is an absolute joy and a thrill to do. Curious?

Patience:

1) bearing pains or trials calmly or without complaint

2) manifesting forbearance under provocation or strain

3) not hasty or impetuous

4) steadfast despite opposition, difficulty, or adversity

5) able or willing to bear

Perseverance:

to persist in a state, enterprise, or understanding in spite of counter-influences, or discouragement

Praise:

1) to express a favorable judgement of

2) to glorify (a god or saint) especially by the attribution of perfection

~for me it is glorifying GOD~

Those are all P words..my most favorite is PRAISE and my most favorite way to express myself! Just ask my kids and dogs! Let's just say my kids love when mommy praises God more then my dogs. :) Through thick and thin we are to praise God! It is easier to praise him when we are happy and thankful. But we must also praise him when we aren't happy.

Perseverance is a tough thing. What it means to me..state of mind and being, to hang tough. Like stand firm when being attacked and wait quietly until it is over. Maybe not the correct meaning..but one I keep in my head. Or like a roller coaster ride that goes up down and all around it doesn't matter...just HANG on!

Now patience is quite the word! As I was reading each of the definitions, I realize that I am NOT patient! Bearing pains or trials calmly or without complaint...um NO I do not. And the list goes on and um the answer is I am not patient! Then it come to me that God is patient with me! Oh, did that make me sit up and really think about that. How many times has God called me to do something or not to. How long does he wait for me to come to him with my every need instead of my forging ahead by myself? How long does he wait for me to come and ask forgiveness? He waits... And he waits with patience. Some day I would love to wait bearing my pains and trials calmly or without complaint!! It is a blessing to know God does have patience and perseverance with me! Thank you God!

For me, I must have patience along with perseverance and always praise God for everything!!!

2010-10-15T18:00:00.002-05:00

Happy Birthday...

Our little boy had a birthday today. (he is sleeping now) I tried to post earlier today and my computer didn't cooperate! Gave me so much time to think.. Today I went to a meeting to start and adoption support group at our church. It is exciting! On my way to the grocery store I was filled with such a peace from God. Almost like he was telling me to relax..he's got my back.

My son had another birthday by himself..some would say that is not right. Even more would say he has waited too long. Yes, I totally agree! But I say to those people..God is in control in this adoption..and it is HIS timing that we depend on to the end! No matter who is not happy with it. My verse for this adoption.. If God is for us, then who can be against us? Romans 8:31 (NIV)

I have had to cling to that verse so much during this time of waiting for our son!! Can't even share any details...oh someday I might, but right now let me say nothing. I am true to God and follow his lead..doing what he calls me to do.

Okay, enough of the so much time to think part of this post. Now let's get down to the birthday boy. Today he is seven. And I know he will get his wish for a mommy and daddy!! Go God! He has gifts waiting! (I picked out specific gifts from my huge gift bin) (I save and buy toys when they are SO inexpensive!) I can't wait to see his face and hug him and tell him that God gave him parents. It's all about God and how good he is!

2010-10-14T14:04:00.002-05:00

Happy...

Have you ever been truly happy like from the tip of your head to the tips of your toes? Like just for nothing? Well, driving home from Target...I just smiled and realized that I was so happy, well maybe more like filled with joy!

My joy I know came from God! Lately there have been some...hum...lets just say trying times that many times I needed to cry out to God!! Oh my, yes I did!!! Pain and frustration tore at my heart.. But through many tears and many prayers I have the joy in my heart..just because I called out to my Abba Father and rested in his arms! Without our heavenly father for love and wisdom I would have quit a long time ago.

What would I have quit, you ask. Well, let's just say adoption is hard. When you love someone and can't be with them it is HARD! Knowing that it is paper...plain paper with a greenish ink. You know the kind that sits in your wallet, the kind you give your kids because you love them. The kind you put in the offering plate like God wants us to, oh and the kind you give away to have special things to eat and drink. That is what is missing to go and get our son. I want to throw in the towel..cry..and even thoughts of just "running" to EE and get him!!

The joy that comes with a new morning that God gives us to live. Joy that God has everything in his hands with his plans. My job is to do what needs to be done at home to get ready and he will do the rest. I can relax and just smile knowing God loves ME! Knowing he has plans for me is peaceful and fills me with happiness! Do you know the feeling?...

2010-10-11T18:03:00.004-05:00

It's A Party...

My friend Jody and her family are having a birthday party for our little boy. I mentioned it already but I wanted to add the chip-in that she created for him. She also has signs that she is giving away two signs to two people that donate to our son's birthday. She will draw the names at the end of the fundraiser. The two she has on her blog right now were exactly the words I needed to hear this morning! The heart of this family is so huge and inspirational!! www.thecampbelljourney.blogspot.com

2010-10-11T14:33:00.003-05:00

Travel...

Yes, we could set up a travel date. I found out today. We are still short funds and can NOT travel without them. We are about 3800.00 I know God is in control..and boy is writing this post is hard! Our funds were always in place way before we traveled for our other kids. God is teaching me to totally depend on him!! And this would fall under that category!

Our son's seventh birthday is Friday. Can you please help us by getting our son the one birthday present he really wants. A mommy and daddy! He has said this many times..that is what he wants! .

Please pray for us and God's will to be done. Thank you!

Check out my friends blog who is hosting a birthday party for him!! And trying to raise funds for his birthday. http://thecampbelljourney.blogspot.com/

Another place that is donating to us..check it out www.cardsforanymoment.com. The cards are awesome..Jovan has used them and he is just beginning to read! He looks at the pictures! :)

Keep us in your prayers!

2010-10-08T10:24:00.001-05:00

Listen...

"Have Faith" Jesus answered Mark 11:22

2010-10-08T06:29:00.002-05:00

Faith...

Do you have faith? Trust in the Lord with all your heart and not lean on your own insight. Proverbs 3:5 I believe faith and trust work together! I don't know about you, sometimes I have a hard time keeping my faith "bucket" from spilling and losing faith!

2010-10-06T14:30:00.005-05:00

190...

20

190

They're not very big numbers, are they?

What about 3800? Is that a big number? In the scheme of things, not really. I've seen much bigger. But that $3800 is that last amount of money that is preventing us from bringing our boy home. That's it! That is all that is standing between us and a plane to Eastern Europe!

So where does the number 20 come in? That is the $20 people spend on Starbucks each week, or on McDonalds, the magazine subscription your niece was selling last week...or any number of things in life that, when they think about it, probably is really money they'd rather spend elsewhere. For us, that $20 is a life.

And what of the 190? If 190 people felt that they could spare $20, one little boy in Eastern Europe, who has spent his entire life living in an orphanage, will be spending Christmas home with his family where he belongs! Talk to your family, talk to your kids. Ask them if they think your family can spare $20 so that one little boy might know the joy of a mother, a father, a brother and a sister.

Just click on our son's picture on the right sidebar and it's that easy to help him come home!

2010-10-05T20:28:00.003-05:00

Everything Apples...

On Saturday we went to the BEST BEST apple orchard I have ever been to!! Oh my, it was awesome!!! We got there a little after they opened. (Good thing because when we were leaving the place was FULL of people!) And we rode a hay wagon to the place for the kids to play. That had a train that the kids climbed through and up on. They had a blast. Of course my daughter had to try out the swings. :) Then we saw some animals. Goats, mini horse and plenty of chickens! Oh, Kristina climbed stairs up in an old corn crib. The round wire thing...maybe called a silo? Hubby said it is a grain bin...okay whatever. :) It was tall and she did it just fine. Then the highlight...a huge mountain of hay!! Like a one story building. HUGE! The kids climbed and climbed! Jovan needed a little help getting to the tippy top..was too tall for him to reach up. Kristina went up all by herself. That girl surprises me all the time!

The bag of apples we all picked..took a long time! :)

My beautiful kids sitting on the top of the largest hay mountain I have ever seen!

All of us climbed up and played on the hay!

We were there almost four hours and went on hay rides a plenty. The last place we went was to pick apples! The bag of apples weighed about thirty five pounds (15.88 kg)..which is heavier then Jovan. :) There was a huge hill that we had to climb and get the apples. Jovan was carried and the apples rode in his wheelchair down the hill. :) Both the kids and parents were very tired after this adventure. It was the BEST BEST field trip we have done in a long time. It was worth every cent of the four dollar per person entry fee. Did I say the word BEST yet? THE BEST!!!

The weather was awesome too! It was totally a Minnesota fall day! Crisp, little windy and clear sky! Hubby's mother was visiting from out of state so we took her along.. She enjoyed spending time with the kids.

It was decided that going to this apple orchard will be an annual fall tradition for our household! Next year there will be one more going and having a blast! Thank you God!

2010-09-29T12:26:00.003-05:00

Thoughts...

Sometimes when you think and have thoughts it is invitation for Satan to come and get under your skin. That is what is happening to me. Clinging to God and the promises he has for us. Plugging away and doing what God wants me to do. Praise God through ALL things! Trials, tribulation and best of all joy!!

God has plans for me..maybe not what I think they should be..but HE holds me and cares for me and I know I am safe! That is the most wonderful thought for me.

Perseverance, patience, waiting, trusting, believing, and FAITH! Faith believing in things you have yet to see...with God all things are possible!!

2010-09-28T18:22:00.002-05:00

Enough Said...

What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, then who could go against us? Romans 8:31 (NIV)

2010-09-27T20:04:00.003-05:00

Our Meeting Day...

The day we met (actually met again) our son was a day I will never forget!!! Let me clarify something..we really had met Jovan before. We met him the very same day that we met Kristina. She was adopted in 2007. So we knew of his wonderful spirit, engaging smile and electric personality!!! God moved many mountains to have us adopt again and I give God ALL the glory!

The day before our Ministry appointment was the day we arrived in country. That night sleep was not really attainable. Nerves, excitement, and pure thank fullness were the emotions we had. In the morning we got ready...my memory was getting my hair all done and because of the humidity it went flat! :) Ruined TWO pairs of nylons!! UGH! Out the door we went!

Grabbed a taxi to a park where we met our facilitator. It was so great to see her again and helped to calm our nerves! Don't ask me why we were so nervous..we knew exactly what was going to happen because we had done it two and a half years earlier. We walked many blocks and arrived at "the building". After passing through security and after getting settled we started. The details of Jovan's birth choked me up!!! I kept saying to myself "don't you dare cry" and I only teared up! :) I will not share the details..but I will say there had to be a TON of emotions when my son was born.

After the meeting we got a cab and headed to the orphanage. We could have walked as we knew the way!! When we got on his floor they had him in the hallway and he knew we were coming! The sweetest thing I remember is that they told him that his mama and tata were coming from America. And what a meeting! I did NOT want to let him go!!!!! But I had to share! :) We played in this little room with toys and a book we brought him. Full of energy he was. I just looked at him and could not believe that we were there. Like a dream!! Our son, one who was wanted and waited for!! All of those years, months, days, minutes and seconds dreaming about this meeting paled compared to what it was really like.

My little boy...wow it feels like he has been here with us since he was born! Today my mom said that it feels like he was born from my womb. Wow! Brings tears to my eyes. To know where my son started out and his physical condition to where he is right now is nothing short of miraculous!!! God's plan is amazing and if you follow along with God's will for your life you will be amazed at what wondrous things HE can do! We wanted God's will to be done more then anything!! And I knew we would be comforted if we were not allowed to return! Now that wonderful gift from God is sleeping down the hall!! :) Thank You God!!

2010-09-27T06:42:00.005-05:00

One Year...

One year ago we met our son!! (Again) What a joyous day that was!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is us...we have a son!! I remember that day like it just happened yesterday! And now one year later he is getting ready to go to school! Stay tunes I will post more about our son later.

2010-09-23T17:56:00.003-05:00

Prayers Please!!...

Several months ago my friend traveled to a couple of Eastern European countries. While in one of the EE countries. This is her story... I met one little girl who, at 10 years old, was in imminent danger of being transferred. She'd already come from one horrible situation, and was now stable in a good place for 3 years, but was going to be transferred again. Our contact there begged us to help find her a family before that transfer happened, which I promised to do.

I just didn't know, right at that moment that family would be mine.

Fast forward a few weeks, when we had committed to adopting her. After dealing with the Icelandic volcano at the delays it caused us in getting home, and a few other issues, we started our homestudy process, only to come to a screeching halt when it was discovered there was a paperwork glitch in the system on their end. This child was immediately removed from all registries until they could get it worked out.

That was in May, and it's still not figured out. Instead, the child's case manager doesn't want to deal with it, because this child is not worth the time or energy when there are so many other more adoptable children needing homes.

At the end of July we decided to move forward in faith anyway! That if we got our homestudy done and through USCIS, at least when word came that she was ready, WE would be ready. Our homestudy will be on it's way to USCIS at the end of the week, and all we will have left to do is wait for their approval, then continue to raise money.

As I type, the future of this child rests in the hands of ONE PERSON who will decide her fate, and weather or not we will be able to adopt her, or she will be sentenced to spend the rest of her life in an institution. They have actually tried placing her in foster care first, but the foster families have refused to take her! Because of her craniofacial malformations, they cannot take her out in public there. The person in charge is going to try one more foster family before either moving her to the institution or releasing her for international adoption. If she is institutionalized, the lack of medical care she desperately needs RIGHT NOW will mean the loss of what little vision she has left within a year or two at best. She will begin to suffer massive headaches due to cranial pressure due to lack of space for brain growth, and compression of her brain on her spinal column. Sentencing her to the institution will be sentencing her to severe neglect and painful suffering like no human...no child... should ever have to endure.

But God can work all kinds of miracles.When one small person like me prays, he hears. But when we storm the heavens with prayers, he hears, and later we can all be a testimony to yet another miracle he performed in the life of a child.

If you would storm the heavens with me, that we could all see the miracle for this one child, what a testament to God that would be!

Can we all please pray for my friend and this little girl! Please God hear us praying and begging you for her life and please God bring her home. Amen

2010-09-06T13:20:00.005-05:00

I Know...

Yes, there many things I know! :) Several things I do not know. My children start school tomorrow, and it is very emotional for me.(Oops, I started this a few weeks ago.) It' like there in the big leagues now, going to school everyday. I know I will miss them terribly! Those are my babies!

I know my children will be excited for quite a long while. They really like school and learning things. Jovan knows many things and this summer he learned the sounds that each letter makes! Not bad for a kid who spent quite a bit of time alone in the orphanage. I know that God kept him safe while I prayed and begged God for a family for him. He is an amazing little boy. During the open house at school he figured out on his own to get up to the drinking fountain to get a drink. My heart leaped with joy!!! His wheelchair fits under the tables he has and is at the height the other kids are at. Kristina has a desk and Jovan would be too short to use that. God takes care of every detail.

My daughter is excited to go to school! I know her language has improved this summer! I know she is understanding more and how to figure things out! I know I want the best in the world for her! I know that one day I hope I can explain about her "tummy mommy" and the HUGE sacrifice that she made to have Kristina live. I know that I think of that woman often and can still see in my mind the moment she handed Kristina to me and walked away down the street. My heart and I were so emotional!

I know that being a parent is not always easy! But it is something that I love!! I waited a LONG time to be a mommy! I knew since about the age of seven that I wanted to be a mom! Shortly after that I knew I wanted to be a mom with special needs kids! I know that was God who instilled that love and desire in my heart. He gave my husband that same desire!

I know that I love God! Not for what he does for me..that would take years to blog about! But I love God for who he is! To me God is comfort, greatest love, safe, and exciting! God is my father, the one that loved me before anyone else did. How cool, I rest in God's arms a lot!! I pray and desire God's will for my life. I know that Jesus died on the cross for me and took away all of my sins. Every one of them! Nothing can take that away. I have known Jesus since the age of five. Yes, and I remember exactly what happened and can still recall many of the words my mother talked to me about. I came to Jesus with my arms held high and wanting peace and love! I got it and so much more! :) I know there is only one way to heaven..that is accepting Jesus in your heart. Knowing that all of your sins are wiped clean and you will be adopted into the kingdom of heaven.

Adoption is always on my mind. I have been adopted into God's family, my father was adopted, and my children were/are adopted. So cool!! I know that it is God's will that we adopt our son. I also know that God's timing is perfect..I know waiting is VERY hard. I know that in the end it is worth every breath, every tear that I have shed waiting for our son to come home. I like the fact that I know many things...and I know that I must continue on with my day! :)

2010-08-27T10:51:00.009-05:00

My son...

My son is a sweet, funny and determined little boy! He is six years old and has Cerebral Palsy. That diagnosis does not define who he is though! The desire for him to have a family is strong as he has asked many times for a family. We have seen him both times we picked up Kristina and Jovan. He played, ran across the playground, rode the ride on toys. He is funny and so sweet. His face shines so bright! And has a sweet laugh. He is someone that I would be honored and blessed to call my son!

We are trying very hard to raise money to bring him home quickly. He has waited a long time for a mommy and daddy. I hope one day that he will understand about God's timing and how perfect it really is.

For us it is to save every little bit of money we can...even our children have offered their piggy banks to go get our newest family member. They know he has to go on an airplane before he comes home. The toy department now has become a place where we do not go, as this mommy has explained the difference between wanting and needing. (A lesson we all are learning!) Don't get upset, my kids have PLENTY of toys! They lack for nothing! :) Even school clothes are done for the

boys..not a penny spent. Kristina needs shirts...nothing big. Everything else is done. I am pretty excited about that!

We have a couple of fundraisers going on. My friend sells Arbonne. It is an awesome cosmetic and makeup company. Natural ingredients and just wonderful. I use MANY of the products. Skin care line is so great, I could tell a difference in ONE day!! The make up just feels like your normal skin but in color! :) She is donating between 40-50% of HER profits to us. The products last a long time..it really averages out to be about the same as what you would pay at lets say Target or Walmart. Check out the website.. www.arbonne.com If you are interested leave a comment with your contact info and I will get you in touch with my friend.

There is a company that sells the cutest little cards that can be used for any occasion. I have used several...just slip a card anywhere. In your child's lunch box, in a briefcase, on a keyboard. I personally have used them to stick one in my husband's shoe and also his shaving kit. He was so surprised, and it really made his day. Kristina has a couple as well. I had one that Jovan gave my husband. I have a few that the kids can use...this one was for a dad. Jovan can't read, but he knows the word dad. He came in to the living room and handed my hubby the card. Brought me to tears, and hubby was taken aback and loved it! The great thing about these cards is that you can give it anonymously to anyone! There is even cards with Bible verses on them. Check out

their website www.cardsforanymoment.com

Won't you please take a look and remember they are awesome products, so not only do you get something...you also help bring a little boy home to his family! We have a button on the side that you can donate directly and get a receipt for you donation. As little as two dollars would be great. Two dollars is a one way taxi ride... Every little bit adds up. My children are excited to bring home their brother. They know we are all working hard to bring him home.

2010-08-21T15:59:00.000-05:00

Life..

The above picture is four generations of women/girls in my family. Some in the picture have a good life and some not so good. We are a combination of Ukrainian, Serbian, German. I have a mixture of all of them. Now I am going to tell you a story about a little girl.

This little girl was born in 1919. In a small town in Ukraine a couple hours away from the capital. She had parents, siblings, and a grandmother she lived with and she was loved very much. They were somewhat poor and her mother often just drank the broth after boiling perogies. Her mother made sure that her children never went hungry. They all worked hard. Her grandmother was a mean woman and sometimes tied this little girl to a table leg. This little girl grew up and was happy and then...

The time came when WWII started the girl's brother joined the war. The family continued to work hard in the fields and doing farming work. Well one day this girl and her sister were in the fields working and soldiers from another country came and took the girl away and left her sister. Her sister had a chance to hide...

I will not write about the time she spent during WWII...just imagine. She had seen many many things during that time including concentration camps. After the war was over she made it to a safe country and a place to work a little bit before she decided where she would go from there. Well she met a man and they decided to come to America. They were married and had a little girl. When they traveled, the daughter of the little girl was four years old.

After they finally moved to America, she got a job the same week they came. She did not speak English but she worked hard with her husband and they bought a house in a neighborhood with other people from her country.

Time went on with this family..not so good..the husband of this now woman was very abusive and I will leave it at that. Life was very hard for this woman and her daughter. It continued for a long time. The woman kept working hard and living her not so good life.

Many years passed and this woman's daughter grew up and married. She ended up with four children. Her daughter raised these children to love and respect their grandmother. Now this woman's grandchildren loved her! They watched her work hard and also see the hard life she had to live with.

The woman finally was able to have a better life when her husband passed away. He suffered very much because of lung cancer and a brain tumor. But before he died the best part is that he accepted and trusted Jesus before he died! So the woman was happy and grew older by herself. She was able to retire and spend time with her grand kids. Her grandson moved in with her for quite some time to be there for her. Time went on and the grandson got married and moved away. The rest of the grand kids helped her out as well.

One winter a granddaughter and her husband started spending part of their week living with her and taking care of her. It was very hard on the granddaughter and her husband to go back and forth. Then it was decided that the grandmother would move in with her granddaughter and husband. Big change, and it was a difficult change for the grandmother.

Fast forward almost seven years and the granddaughter is still taking care of her grandmother. The woman daughter works full time and is gone during the day. So the granddaughter takes care of her.

The granddaughter was blessed with children. A daughter that the great grandmother just adored! So on the life went. The woman got older and older and her body and heart gave her trouble..and just seemed to fade away a little.

Now this woman is very old...ninety one and a half. She has pain everyday and has a hard time walking and also a hard time talking as it is getting harder for her brain to translate from Ukrainian to English. She is now losing her short term memory.. It is very sad to see.

During this time of fading and even continuing to the present this woman has wanted to go to heaven. She cries and begs God to take her to heaven, and doesn't understand why he doesn't. Now it is an everyday occurrence with many tears and sobbing. And suffering with her health.

It is a hard life for this woman...she loves the Lord and still praises him, but oh she is so ready to go to heaven!

Now, if you haven't figures it out yet...I am writing about my grandmother. A strong woman who I admire and love very much! So much so that my husband now says I act just like her! I take that as a compliment! :) It is very hard on me to see my grandmother in this state. When she shes Kristina she lights up like a light bulb! Kristina is her princess, and Kristina returns her love which is so wonderful to see.

I pray for God's timing for my grandmother..it will be VERY hard to have her go to heaven. My children and I have talked about it many times. Kristina has been to a funeral..so she somewhat gets it. Sorrow and joy on the very day that my grandmother gets to sit at the feet of Jesus. For some reason today it is hard to see her sad. Maybe because it is gloomy outside? Sometimes it is hard to understand God's timing..for many things. A birth, a death, and even an adoption! :)

I hope my grandmother lives a little while longer so that she can know our newest son coming home. Not to just see him, but to know him. Sounds selfish I know...but that is something I have wanted my whole life...my grandmother to know my children! God has granted that! Thank you God!!

Those are my thoughts today...now I must go back to my fall cleaning/getting ready for school to start/and preparing for an addition to the family! :) Busy Busy

2010-08-21T09:11:00.002-05:00

OK...

I have tried to post two other times..wonder if this is going to work? I will try to repost the others later.

We are just enjoying life here...this mama is spending time with her kids as the will be in school all day EVERY day. (insert lots of tears!!!!) Someone asked me what I would be doing. Well I will try to speed up fundraising... People have been donating... that's another post in itself! And painting!! I am tired of white walls!! I have had the paint since before Jovan came home, hope it is okay! And I can decorate for fall and sort through my Christmas. I have gifts for the kids already..this mommy used to shop for things all the time..when they were price reduced. Haven't done that as we are not spending money for anything to save money. :)

Maybe I will be able to go to a woman's Bible study? That would be awesome!! I would LOVE that!! Or, just find one I can do by myself.

Planning and writing notes for when we travel as we have two kids at home. We already have everything ready for #2 son coming home. Even his coming to America outfit! :) Now don't forget..all of these are technically hand me ups as I thought these things would fit Jovan. So then they get to be hand me downs! So much use for some clothes that have yet to see a body. :)

Just realized that I am rambling..so goes our life! :) Gotta go, many things to do and kids to love!

2010-08-04T09:58:00.002-05:00

Rocks...

My daughter rocks! She is the best daughter in the whole wide world!!! Kind, thoughtful, sweet, funny, beautiful, and HELPFUL!!

Today she has cleaned the bathroom (except the toilet), unloaded the dishwasher, and now is hand washing pots and pans!! So helpful...she has done ALL of this without me asking her to. And she did it all before working on her craft project! Do you all know she is only seven years old?

Now I know she may refuse to do all of this in a few years...but mommy runs a tight ship. We all work together to run the house..we do our share.

God gave me quite a gift when he blessed me with her!

(Right now my son is vacuuming the living room) :)

Thank you God!!

2010-08-03T15:41:00.002-05:00

NO WAY!!!...

How can it be so long since I last posted? Where has all the time gone? Oh my! Okay, there is NO way that I am going to catch you all up on the going ons...you know that right? :) I can't even remember.. Trying... Kids finished summer school, played in pool, had a neighbor girl come over and play, went on a road trip with grandma and grandpa. Mommy does school work with them...they love it! Kristina is reading words... Yay!!

I have been praying, re-arranging, decorating, and now is ready to sell things to add to our funds for our adoption. I am so excited. Working with our missions at church to bring awareness to orphans, and will be doing a dinner/lunch to raise funds. Then hopefully this month we will sell everything that we want to, and then some! :) So maybe raising many $$$ for our son!

Learning and trusting God for everything...boy that is HUGE!!! Tears have come with a vengeance! But God knows me...and as others have said...emotional! :) God is good to me, always blessing me when I need it!

Just last week I got sick with some bug that is going around. My sister had it...it landed me in the Emergency Room via ambulance. UGH!!! After about five hours in the hospital..many iv's, drugs, and a CT scan..I went home. My mom came over about 11:30pm to be with the kids...and Dan was with me. I am so thankful for my family!! The kids never even knew...good thing as they watched me many times throw up! ICK!! But what is a mommy to do, trying to care for her kids while she was sick? I made it almost all day by myself..pretty proud of that! :)

Trying to think...oh, we get to visit with my best friend next week!!! She is coming from out of state! Can't wait!! :) She and I have been friends for twenty-five years this year!! :) Met the first day of college!! I went with her and another new friend to (guess where? my favorite store!) Target! She and I did NOT hit it off at all...now look, twenty-five years later and I love her to death!!! :)

I will try to keep up...and of course with adoption news as I get it...maybe I will post a new picture of our son to be...hum, guess you have to stay tuned! :)

2010-07-13T08:36:00.003-05:00

Long time since last post...

My goodness so much time has gone by. To be honest..one reason is that I think who wants to read about our life..there are so many more blogs that are awe inspiring and are also exciting to read about how God moves mountains and gives strength and sustainable peace!! I guess it is happening in ours lives as well...worth sharing, you decide?

God is doing amazing things with our family...more on a personal level with us. My dependence on God for the remaining funds is getting stronger...trusting and letting go is getting easier and more peaceful. Thank you God!! God has moved HUGE mountains in my children's lives!! All three of them!! Wow, thank you God for that reminder!

Kristina was not yet available for adoption when we committed to her..there was paper that needed to be signed and the person was unavailable to be found, but God knew where they were and exactly the time to bring them to sign the paper! Kristina was one sick little girl when we came home with her. But thanks to God and the doctor's her Cystic Fibrosis is under control!!

Jovan's mountain was also being clear for international adoption and also if we would be allowed to return for a second time..not been done before, so oh my was God in that decision!!! He did it, we just relied on him and had faith that he would come home to us. When I met Jovan and fell in love with him, I cried and prayed over him and begged God for a forever family for him!!!! And God picked us...

Our waiting son's mountain is was also being able to return for a third time...oh yes, God answered our prayers!! The country said yes...on Christmas day!! :) Another mountain is raising (or finish raising) the funds to go. To me that is a HUGE mountain, but my God is bigger than paper money!! His timing, his way!!

Let's see...those are my miracles given to me by God!!! That is big and they are great ways to tell people about the power of God. God reigns! Guess I did have something to post about!! My God's grace is enough! He loves me and my family...my children, how blessed am I!!!

Jovan was blessed with his wheelchair...so excited! He got is a few weeks ago, and maneuvers it like a pro!! Freedom to get places and to be with his sister as she rides her bike..priceless!! They both are enjoying the pool!! Jovan was FREAKED out by it...but mommy got a floating elephant that has leg holes so he is now much more comfortable and loves the water now!! Kristina has learned to float and kick her feet...also HUGE as she would just cling to the side...now she is ALL over the pool! :) Fun!!

Mommy started to buy school supplies...oh, the smell of new crayons!! :) I bought back packs marked down last year!! $24.99 down to $4.00! Yep, bought one in pink and one in blue! Wish I would have known God's plans and would have gotten another blue one! :) God knows... :)

Mommy is getting rid of many things that are not needed for a simple life...extra everything and toys that the kids have outgrown...not to mention my daughter's clothes...she is growing TOO fast!!! Jovan has grown one inch!! And has gone up TWO shoe sizes!!!

So that is about it...planning to go camping, and a couple of car trips before summer's end. Daily life..and praising and being thankful for God and who he is...NOT for what he does!! No matter what!

2010-06-24T14:04:00.002-05:00

Learning...

I just found out about a DVD learning series giveaway... A mom who has adopted has a give away...she has used these and posted about it on her blog. www.only1mom.com Go check it out..here is the company. www.preschoolprepco.com Now, I must go and check out the sight words series! Learning is fun!!! Even for us moms! :)

2010-06-18T13:49:00.001-05:00

I Am Slow...

It has been thirteen days since Kristina's gotcha day three years ago. Never will I forget the moment we were pronounced her parents!! Then the burning (LITERALLY) that followed. We were given a drink...everyone drank and I took a big swallow... BAD BAD MISTAKE!!!! (I do not drink..) My throat and my WHOLE chest burned!!! And for many hours after...Nope never forget that ceremony!!! :)

What a feeling to finally become a mom. Oh my! Sometimes even to this day I still can't believe it. God was/is so good to me for giving me such a blessing!! Lately I have been thinking about her "tummy mommy". (Birth mother) I know she loved Kristina and wanted her to live and be "healthy"! (She has Cystic Fibrosis) Sometimes I wonder how she could have wanted her to be adopted and loose her again..but it not a death, or did it feel like it? I felt pain when I saw them together...I could not imagine what it felt like to give away your daughter... Oh my!!

Kristina knew who her mother was, and she did not want to come to me. A part of me wanted to keep them together..adopt the mother? It was sad. And not to be able to communicate was hard. I pray for her...comfort and peace. At the end of the visit she handed Kristina to me..and walked down the road out of the orphanage and then down the street. I thought about how our lives were changed forever, yet tied together.

Now, three years have gone by...she is a happy sweet little girl!!! She loves dollies, horses, swinging, and DIRT!!! She is helpful with her great grandmother, and her brother. Her chores are done without complaint..and even wants to do more! :) Just an all around blessing and joy!!

We went to the Mall of America for her gotcha day...she wanted to go to the zoo but it was raining. She and Jovan had fun on the rides. Daddy was the guy that got to go with Jovan. As I do NOT do rides!!!! Except we went as a family on the Farris Wheel. Scary...I just looked at my husband, and didn't think how high up we were.... UGH!! I survived..then we went to eat. A fun day we had! Some pictures of the day.

The first ride...a bus!

A happy little girl!

Daddy and Jovan on the Farris Wheel!

Mommy and Kristina on the Farris Wheel!

Thank you God for such a beautiful gift!!!

2010-06-10T11:36:00.004-05:00

My daughter...

What can I say, I love her and hope that God blesses me with her presence for a LONG time!!! She has been an American citizen for three years today. I have been her mommy for three years and five days!! Thank you God!!

Kristina was born with a life ending disease called Cystic Fibrosis. I was told yesterday that the life expectancy is thirty seven years. If that was cut and dried for every person with CF then I would have thirty more years with her. My mom reminded me yesterday that I (we, daddy and me) dedicated her life back to God. She is his, and he alone knows when she will join him in heaven. I cried because the thought of losing her just breaks my heart... No, she is not dying..just sick, as happens with a lot of people with CF. Now on to what happened yesterday.

Yesterday was Kristina's annual CF check-up. So off we went...mommy, Kristina and Jovan. Daddy has always gone before..but we are trying to save his vacation days for when we go and get our new son. That was a big mistake! (more on that in a little bit) Did I mention we were traveling during rush hour traffic and the drive was almost seventy miles away? (I thought it was only fifty..and the extra twenty is Uff DA!!) This mommy does NOT drive in rush hour traffic into the big city. It has been almost four years since I used to drive it every day. ICK I think I did okay..but man do people push you even in the right lane, so I did speed so I did not get run over...I had no choice, there was no place for me to go. That did not make this mommy happy!! No accidents did I cause or get into any! Thank you God!!

Our trip was successful and we arrived at 7:42 am. Forgot to tell you that the kids had to get up at five-thirty..actually just Kristina as she had to do some of her CF treatments, and Jovan got up because of the noise. The first place we had to go was to get x-rays of her lungs. Easy! The next place we went was for lab. A blood draw, oh no!! Kristina has small wiggly veins. And lots of scar tissue. So getting blood is a huge deal!! Let's just say after two sticks and "digging" at both sites mommy said ALL DONE!! Not one drop of blood was collected. After that trauma we went to have her do a breathing test. After that then we saw the doctor. We love him!!! And the doctor from her birth country knows her American doctor. How wonderful is God? Giving God the glory for even the details I would never had thought. Anyway...we talked, he listened, then he checked out my daughter. She has lots of mucus and an inflamed nose. It was hard to hear that she is sick...I know, I know that this may happen from time to time...and people have said you know what you were getting into when you adopted her. Which I think is a horrible thing to say!!! God gave me my daughter and she has a disease that we fight EVERY day!!

Anyway, after seeing the doctor we saw "the CF team". Which first was the social worker. (I know her from when I worked in the same office) So it was great to see her..and she had some ideas for me. Then the dietitian came in and talked about calories and weight gain. She is always eating!! That is the best thing...and because of her CF she can eat a ton. There is not such a thing as an overweight person living with CF. After that came the geneticist came in and really it was not needed because she is not biologically mine. So we talked about when she gets older and a few questions I had. Respiratory therapist came in next. (oh, we were in one room and everyone came to us! Best thing in the world!!") He told me about recent studies and changes that he suggested for Kristina's routine. Lots of information...oh my!!

Last person came in was the coordinator...I had to sign a release and that kind of stuff. Then we were DONE!!! Four and a half hours later we were DONE!!! The kids reached their limit of time being good and quiet and so was I!! :) And this mommy had so much info floating in my head I just wanted to lay done and cry. If Dan would have been there he could have heard ALL of the info first hand and maybe heard things that I missed. But I think I did a good job. :) So it would have been great for him to come...maybe next year? :) YES!!!

We were FREE!!! There were new medications that Kristina needed so off we went to Target to get those. Have I ever told you all that I LOVE Target? :) And the pharmacy staff is AWESOME!!! So, I did a little shopping and picked up her meds. Got those and went HOME!!

I made supper and the kids played until it was time for Kristina's treatment. After that was done, it was bedtime!!! Yea!! I fell asleep on the couch for a little while. I got up at 4:30am, so I was dead tired!! Got up and did a few household things and finally went to bed. Kids are resting now as they are still tired! Better now go and get a few more things done.

2010-06-08T08:48:00.004-05:00

Thud...

It is a sound that mothers do not want to hear. I am one of them!!! Never did I want to hear it.!! But, last evening I did! Oh, my!! Makes my stomach ill to remember. Here's what happened.

Yesterday Jovan's beloved auntie was over to help mommy with some landscaping. We had just planted a Maple tree and were watering it. Jovan was playing with his cousin..laughing and having so much fun!! The next thing I know is I hear this THUD, I turn around and there is my son face down on the tar. He did not move..now come to think about it I should have waited until he moved before I picked him up. I scoped him up and ran into the house..and not until I got in did I check him. He was crying and his eyes were filling his little face with tears.

I put ice on his forehead..so tenderly, but still gave him pain. My stomach was in my chest now..and I was trying to remain calm. I was also talking to my husband and sister about what to do. Jovan is a small child with upper body strength and really propelled himself forward.. He appeared to be okay...we were asking him where he hurt..pointing to a few spots on his head. His response was like okay people I hurt my head right here!! Just the way he spoke was cute. Then about fifteen minutes later he started to grind his teeth. Now he used to do that up until about two months after we brought him home. Then my sister said "you better take him in to the ER."

So Jovan and mommy went to the ER and we were seen rather quickly! The only time he cried was when he went for the x-ray. That always freaks him out. He did great!! Then we were told that he was fine..just had a bad bump on the head. The doctor gave Jovan a picture of an x-ray of his head. On our way we went.

As we were leaving Jovan saw it was dark outside..he said "oh-oh, dark". He wanted to know who turned it dark out. :) So cute it made me smile!! I gave Jovan some Tylenol and put him to bed.

Waiting for results of x-ray...

The bump up close...

Watching a TV program with horses and cows...

The cows and horses..

He is his happy normal self but tired! :) God is so good!! The doctor told me that where he hit his head is the hardest part. Thank you God!!!

2010-06-03T08:10:00.003-05:00

Hair and Feet...

Well it is an interesting post title, but that is the big thing in our house right now. First the feet.. My son Jovan has feet that are not the same size. He also has a club foot, so shoes are an interesting journey to go on. When we were in country I got several pairs of shoes..for one they are SO cute!! And the other is because they had higher tops then those in the states and they fit his little club foot so much better.

Anyway, I went to go put on a pair of his new shoes and they didn't fit!! Not at all! So his foot grew a whole size in eight months. We have gotten him play shoes here..not the greatest fit..but he works with them. He is growing!! I do not know his height..I will do that today.

Now on to a more painful (and vanity) issue. Yesterday morning I was putting a pony tail in Kristina's hair only to discover that she had cut a two and a half inch section by three to four inch section of hair right by her ear!!!!! Oh, I was not happy. We have been growing it out since she had been home. Uffda!! I did kinda cover it up this morning, but I have no idea what to do..I know, cut it...but oh my! Okay I know that vanity is not a good thing..and I am getting over it. So stayed tuned for a new hair style on my daughter in the upcoming days.

2010-05-27T20:48:00.004-05:00

May...

The month of May is almost done.. Where did it go? At the beginning of the month was our daughter's 7th birthday! We had just a family celebration.. She doesn't really know of any other kind of b-day party. It's always the same family members. I figure that once she knows about a friend party..then it will be a different story! :)

My daughter ready to blow out her candles! Love cupcakes! What designs they can do is awesome!!!

Before the festivities!!! Sloppy joes and baked beans, my daughter's request! I made a few salads and that was lunch! ;) I re-used some decorations and for color on the table I used pastel m&m's. Turned out really cute! She got some really nice gifts.. Not all toys which is awesome!!!

Next in the month comes our wedding anniversary. This year was twenty. We had planned on a party with re-newing of our vows..but getting our son far out weighs our party!!! A few days after our anniversary my sister watched the kids..we went into town and got hamburgers off the dollar menu! :) We brought our own drinks! It was a blast! Talking and just having a great time!

The rest of the month has been dealing with getting summer school in order and Jovan's wheelchair. His wheelchair was held up due to the physician's office holding up the forms!!!!! Oh, I was NOT NOT NOT happy!!!!!! I will be dealing with them after the Memorial day weekend!! I guess this mommy is still very upset!!!!!! So many exclamation marks!! No one messes with my baby and doesn't know about it! I will stop talking about it now... I just found out today about the forms.

Today my sister and I finished planting the garden...(my brother and law helped too) YEA!!! We planted at my parent's house as they have had one for years and we just made it bigger for the three families!! If I can survive the mosquito bites and itch weed, it was be awesome!!!!!

Now, I must care for the bites!! Itching like crazy!!!!!! (And YES, I did use bug spray!!!) :)