Sacrifice...

I just want to share with you this blog post of a friend of mine who is adopting three kiddos...you can find it here Thanks...please pray for them!

Oh my...

Oh my this mama went for a short bike ride! I have not been on a bike in about 30 years!!! Let's just say I NEED to wear a helmet and practice turning!!! The kids were so excited to ride! We all have bikes but Jovan. He is getting a hand held pedal bike. But it is very expensive! So we can get a grant and pay for the rest. We can't wait!! The way he rides (we had him try it out) you would have thought he has been riding for years! :)

Because Jovan has a few obstacles to over come...we try extra hard to make things seem more normal. Not to baby him, but to make it some what easier to do what others can do. I think that this mommy is way more excited to have him get his bike then he is! Actually, it is the mommy that sees him long to be mobile like his siblings and it makes me a little sad. But on the other hand, in life you do not always get what you want. Isn't that the truth! And no my kids don't get every little thing they want, but a bike would be great and it would last him for YEARS!!

We have been home seven weeks and one day...and I want to know where the time has gone!! See, to me it feels like Srecko has been in our family for a LONG time!! He had his bed, his clothes, some of his very own toys and his blanket the my mom crocheted for him. Actually my mom crochets an afghan for each of my children...basically the same pattern with a little bit of her own design. Love them and so do the kids! Most days it felt like he was coming home...but there were a few that I was not sure...that made it so hard to wait patiently on the Lord! But you all know he is here and right now he is sleeping down the hall from where I am sitting! (Soon to be awakened to start the day.)

Hasn't been too much going on since last week...Srecko is learning to ask for things in English...like sentences! Yah! He has the sweetest voice! Swimming is a hit with him...getting wet and even using soap are top things on his list. There is an EEG scheduled next week for him, don't know what those results will hold...but I know God will help us deal with whatever the results may be. And he finally gets to go and see about his feet and legs to see if braces of some sort will work for him. He has been learning...in what my kids call "mommy school".

Have to tell you a little story...my first two kids have Leap Frog Leapsters (like a video game, but with learning as the emphasis) And I just looked two days ago into one for Srecko. Maybe thought there was a sale...and was going to purchase one for $50.00 with free shipping! Well, something said wait and I did. So yesterday I went into town with my mom to grab a few things for my nephew's birthday party and asked her if we could stop at the thrift store in town. (I still call it town, it has only about 3000 people and it has NOT changed in the 30 years since my parents moved us up here!) Anyway, we went and there was sale! Oh boy! So we quick looked around and in the toy department there it was! Just laying on the shelf for anyone to see. Yes, it was the Leapster I was looking at!! Oh, then I thought...what if it doesn't work...oh well it was only $5.50, but then WAIT...they were having a sale!!! And then it was only $3.75!!! I brought it home and put batteries in it to check...I was sad that it didn't work. Hubby said, let him look at it...and I had put the batteries in wrong and it WORKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yep, for $3.75 (oh plus tax) I got what I wanted for him...it is in beautiful condition and the kids are showing him how it works and he loves it!

Well, got to go get those boys up...they would sleep all day if I let them sometimes. And I hear my grandma too. My daughter has been up for an hour... It's nice!

Alone...

Tonight my hubby took our children to VBS. And I am alone. Well, not exactly as my grandma and two Dachshunds are sleeping. But I am alone...maybe lonely? I have the Waltons on tv in the back ground...for company and I also love the show!! :)

I could be doing so many things...scrap booking, catching up on emailing people, dishes :), reading, mowing the lawn or weed eating, so I have things to keep me busy...yet I am still alone.

Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining...it just doesn't happen that often and I don't know what to do with myself!! I printed out some thing for the kids with chores and a schedule for me, and things for Srecko to learn to print. I guess I have been busy!

Today I looked at my tired children...they HAD to take naps!!! Going to vacation Bible school is very tiring!! :) I have three children!! Why does that still make my mind spin? It does seem like yesterday that it was just hubby and I! And now we are a family of FIVE!!

All of my children like very similar things which is wonderful. Let's see a couple of them are water, dirt, movies, and soap! :) When it was so HOT here a couple of days ago...we let them all play in the tub...not together though! We had inside picnics, movie on our bigger (hand me down from grandparents) screen tv, had ice cream, and just tried not to sweat! :) They wanted to go outside...but the heat index was so HIGH!!! Like between 105-125 for days!! Kristina can not sweat without having to keep her hydrated and enjoy a salty treat.

Let's see tomorrow marks six weeks that Srecko has been home...I can NOT believe that! He and I looked at some pictures today that I took while in Serbia. He was so excited to see some pictures of the playground...and of the play room we played it. But he was most excited to see a picture of his teacher from his school. And today I laid out the piles for each of the kids for school supplies...he knew what they were because we have home school here...brand new crayons, and markers, paper and pencils!! The joy that he has is a quiet peaceful joy!!

Now I think I am going to do some more research on home school stuff!

Pain...

Have you ever had pain in your heart? The achy pain that does not go away? Then when you would like to tell someone about it, you know that they will just say it was your fault and you shouldn't do it anyway and not really care how you are hurting. Do you know what I am talking about?

I have that kind of pain...have had it for a long time. I just put a lid on it...try to ignore it, shove it way down in the depths of my heart hoping desperately it will magically disappear. Can't tell my hubby because he is frustrated about it on a different level. Can't tell my mom or my sister, it's too close to them.

I suffer alone and try to persevere so hard it hurts! Try to live my life and be the best mom and wife I can be! Not being two faced because I truly truly love my husband and kids and am so thankful for them! They bring me great joy in the midst of the pain.

What is causing SO much pain you ask? Well, this is going to sound pathetic and I am sure people will be judge mental...but I don't care. Being a care giver to an elderly person is the toughest thing to do!! Why do it? Because I promised that I would never put my grandmother in a nursing home!! EVER It's tough!!!

I am now unable to do many things my family wants to do...it causes too much stress on my grandma to have other people watch her. My children are tired of hearing we can't and your great grandma needs us. Even though my kids are not typically developing they still know. I am stuck...yes, I get relief...but not enough that really helps. Oh, but you were gone for three weeks adopting your son, you got a break...WRONG!!! My grandma was so upset that I was gone and things were not done like I do them she was a huge problem for my mom and sister who were watching her. They had more trouble and more tears because of her. So I was 5000 miles away feeling bad and guilty for leaving...and causing my grandma stress!! Mental sounding I know...but it is hard to rise above it. And it's hard not to sound like I am feeling sorry for myself!

So, break your promise and put her in a nursing home...well I can't!! She would suffer way worse then with me! Not only does she have horrible chronic pain issues, she is having a hard time talking in English now...mostly Ukrainian is what comes out! So she would have a hard time communicating and it would be really hard honestly to drag myself over to see her.

You know I talk to God about it all the time because he really helps me rise to the next level. Sometimes though, when something happens that disrupts what I want to do or spoils it makes it so hard to rise above it and just say WHY God WHY? She so wants to go to heaven, she is ready...why isn't God bringing her home? Then other day she was crying to hard that she wanted to die and my dear daughter told her that God didn't have her room ready. Yep, even my daughter tries to help.

Sometimes it's hard to swallow it and persevere through this...feeling selfish that it bothers me so much. My grandma deserves the best the world can offer!!! Hope I am treating her all right...trying my best, God knows my heart. He created it and cradles it in my pain, my agony, my despair. I am not super human, it takes a bit to feel God's peace sometimes... And I think that God doesn't get it...but I am reminded that he really does. He has suffered pain beyond what I could ever imagine!!

God's pain is to see the people he created break his commandments and go against what God tells us in the Bible!! From the beginning of time until this very moment in time!!! And on top of all of that God gave up his son...his ONLY son to suffer and die like a common criminal on the cross for ALL and EVERYBODY else in the world from then until this very moment. His son suffered...for what, he didn't do anything to deserve it...Did you read that? NOTHING!! His blood was shed for me and everybody else. I can not even think to understand the pain God was in...agony!! God gave up his son to give the rest of us eternal life if we just believe in him...that's it...you become a child of God, you have a Father who will comfort you in your worst pain...no matter what! Life will NOT be a walk in the park when you accept Christ into your life...but you will have a peace that you have never known before!!!

That peace comes to me when I cry out to God...and sometimes it's a lot especially when it has to do with my grandma. I have pain a lot and I ask God for peace a LOT!! And I am always so thankful for that peace!! And I know, really I know that God does know pain...I could NEVER imagine giving up one of my children to die for someone else to live. Unthinkable!!! God knows me and loves me even when I get angry or feel sorry for myself, and just get plain old crabby!!! And he has helped me through another spell of frustration...of feeling sorry for myself!! I will miss the rest of the week of VBS (Vacation Bible School) because my grandma doesn't seem to handle change well without me...so, hubby will take the three kids without me. (Okay, thinking about it brings tears to my eyes) My grandma won't suffer and my kids get to be with their daddy!! VBS is in the evening this year...which was going to be great for us!! And I know God will be with me giving me peace even through this period of pain!!! And I thank him for it!!!

Struggling...

Right now I am struggling with my children's schooling. I/we are trying to decide if homeschooling is what would work best for my/our kids. For days and days I have thought and thought and talked and talked about it. Praying about it...so many things run through my mind! One thing is for sure I want to do what God has chosen for them!

That being said...do I have the discipline to home school?

do I have the patience to teach?

do I have the creativity?

and do I have the ??????

With that being said...I have the desire to see my children succeed!

I have the desire to go the extra mile for them in any way!

I have the desire to encourage them in their school work!

best of all I have the desire to help them past any limits they have!!

There hasn't been any one curriculum that I have stumbled across...my kids need more help then typically developing kids. They need a firmer foundation then they have right now. But socialization is also very important to the children. So I have been thinking about letting them go to school for certain subjects or something similar to that. I have a friend from church who does that. So, I have to look into that option soon!

The internet is FULL of options, and even MANY many FREE things that will work for teaching. I have also collected a LOT of things from time to time to work with the kids on. But, none the less I have to keep praying about it. Hubby is with me and is strongly leaning towards the home school side of life. It's a tough decision...

Four...

Yep, the answer is four! The question is how many weeks has Srecko been home? All I can say is how time just FLIES by!!!!! It seems like he has been home so much longer then that. What's new? Well, answering questions in English...yes they are only a few word sentences, but answers in English none the less! He knows the routine here and is flexible if it changes. Much better then this mommy who hates a schedule change!!!

Favorite thing to say? "Monkey's eat bananas" Don't ask me why, he came up to me and said that and giggled like he told the world's funniest joke. Favorite food? Anything and that does include Brussels sprouts!!! LOVES water!! Did I say LOVES water? That is an understatement!!! Riding a bike, learning to swing, listening to the word of God, telling people to come and eat, playing with cousins, getting along with siblings

...and not getting along, but best of all is knowing that he has a family that he can say goodnight and good morning to every day!!

We are so blessed to have him in our lives! He is soft spoken...well, maybe not. He is learning to spread his wings, help in the kitchen, get his own water to drink, brush his teeth, and most everything and anything else he can do!! I still can't believe he is here!!

And there he is!!! :) Just took the picture! :) So sweet... ;)

Fire Works...

Well, today is July 4th, 2011. Thank you for all the men and women that have fought to keep our country safe and free!! We had an easy day today...the kids played and helped mommy and daddy with yard work. Daddy finished mowing and mommy planted shrubs and perennials...the planting took a long time! But it looks really nice!

You know in life you make choices that you may or may regret? Tonight was one I am still not sure about. Tonight we decided to wake the kids up to watch fireworks that they have going off in town. It's just 2.5 miles away, but the best part is we can see most of the fire works sitting on Jovan's bed!!! The kids were thrilled!!! Kristina had seen them before two years ago when she was in the hospital receiving iv antibiotics. They were going off all over in the city...Minneapolis.

When the fireworks were done, it was trips to the bathroom and back to bed! They are working on understanding why we celebrate the 4th. We are excited that our children and ourselves are able to celebrate being free, in the land of the brave!!! Thank you God!

Cystic Fibrosis...

Cystic Fibrosis is an inherited disease that effects the lungs, digestive system, and liver. To me I just think about what our lungs do for our body. Pushing air through the lungs to keep them clear of mucus build up and also aiding in the digestive process and so forth. A better and more medical explanation on the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation web site . It was the first place I went to do research about CF before we agreed to adopt Kristina.

Our daughter was born with Cystic Fibrosis and we adopted her one month and four days after she turned four. She was tiny and at the time of our adoption time she was getting so sick that I doubted she would make it home to the US or if she would need to go back into the hospital in her country. I was very scared for her. We met the staff that took care of her in the hospital, and one of the doctors knew Kristina's current doctor her in the US. It was a God thing!!! And they thought she would make it okay!

Anyway, we made it to the States and her doctor wanted to put her in the hospital and I BEGGED him to let us try to treat her at home. We did and a month and a half later her doctor declared her lungs MIRACULOUSLY clear!!! Who does miracles? God does!! We had faith that God would help Kristina... Kristina is not cured, CF is a basically a terminal condition. I do not think about that, I just enjoy her day by day. None of us know when we will die...it could be tomorrow?

You ask why would we adopt a child that may die young? Well, we knew that the medicine in the US would help her a great deal and prolong her life. For me, since about the age of six I have wanted to be a mother...and begged God for children!! I would tell him it was okay you could drop a baby on our doorstep I would be it's mother! And later after I married it was hard to see family and friends have children! But, I was ALWAYS so happy for them!!! Every year that I was getting older I thought it was never going to happen, I was never to become a mother. I knew that if God wanted me to I would know. I tried to get a grip on the fact that motherhood eluded me! When we adopted her we had trouble getting her visa to come to the US! I knew that she would die without treatment and without a visa we (Kristina and a parent) would have to stay in her country for two YEARS!! I prayed and asked God to save her, but if he chose not to I thanked him so much for allowing me to be a mother! I never asked God for a time frame of how long I wanted to be a mother, but to please I just wanted to be one and God answered my prayer!

Hubby and I started to think about adoption. We talked about it a LOT! Then we signed up with our county to maybe adopt kids in our foster care system. We did the home study and classes. But something was NOT right! It was hard to explain...God was closing that door. Then we talked about adopting internationally. Oh my, the funds that are needed to do that are absolutely ridiculous!!! Anyway, we got over that and we decided to go to Eastern Europe and adopt a little girl about 2. We started to get our dossier and such ready and the country we wanted to adopt from closed their doors to US families. Okay another closed door, literally!!

So, one day on a break at work I was looking through some saved websites and found a photo listing of Kristina. Oh my! Right away I started to do research about CF and found out that the hospital I worked at was accredited with the CF foundation!! Well, we committed to adopting Kristina and brought her home nine months later. (She had many more miraculous stories with her adoption as well!)

When you look at her, you would never know she has CF. If you look closely at her hands you can see a LOT of scar tissue build up from all the times in the hospital in her country. It is VERY hard to get blood because of that. Other then that she is awesome and healthy!! :)

Why am I telling you all of this? Well the reason is that there are 2 little (almost 2 and a three yr old) children with CF in an Eastern European country. They are healthy right now, but certainly without treatment they will die. Grim I know! Kristina's biological brother died because he had CF...he was a toddler when he died. So how can you help? I can get you in touch with a lady who is advocating for them and she can tell you more info about them. Having kids with CF takes a little bit of work...Kristina does her nebulizer and vest treatments twice a day in the morning and at night. Sometimes we have to do it more when she sounds like she needs it. The vest is a pressure system that vibrates and helps move the mucus around and away from her lungs...basically doing what healthy lungs would do. And she takes a few medications and a special vitamin. No biggie. She goes to the CF doctor four times a year to make sure she is healthy! Beats going into the hospital! Doesn't really cause her any problems other then having to get up a bit early for school.

If you don't want to adopt them you can always donate to help keep down the costs for the parents who commit to adopting them. If you can't do that then PLEASE pray for their health and the parents that God wants them to have! And I know that EVERYONE can pray! Love your kids that God blessed you with and think of those who need parents!!

Hi...

We have been home two weeks today! This may sound strange but it doesn't seem any harder to have three kids then two. Getting ready for church we were actually earlier then we usually are! That was weird! The only big thing that I have noticed is what Srecko eats! He was VERY picky while we were in country...coming home to the US he eats EVERYTHING! Oops, he does not like milk or plain sliced cheese. He eats and asks for second helpings. Makes me happy! He was not under weight...he and Kristina are five months apart and they weigh almost the same and Kristina is three inches taller.

Everyday I am thankful that I am a mom! Even when the kids are cooped up in the house due to rain and get a little wild! :) We have been practicing school which is great! He can't wait to go to school! The bus picks up Kristina and Jovan for summer school and he cries because he wants to go with! I tell him soon he can go!

Right now Kristina is helping Srecko spell his name! It's so cute!! We have been practicing that for awhile now!! Better go there is a severe thunderstorm coming and thunder shaking the house! Kids are freaking...daddy's got that covered!