Surprised?...

So many people have told me they were surprised that we are here with our son. Well, there was reason for that. Here in Serbia there was a mess (to say the least) that needed to be fixed before adoption rules/laws could be followed correctly!!! We have adopted from Serbia twice before using the help of a woman, and have now learned and understand what happened with her dishonest and criminal heart. We loved her and thought her to be a friend, someone who I thought really cared about us and our children. How do I really know... maybe she just wanted money. I won't go into that right now... Let's just say, we once were very supportive of her...not anymore. And this is a decision we made on our own, and let me tell you it was a tough one to make!

Now, I am surprised myself that I was able to keep quiet about us returning! But we really didn't for sure know we were coming until ONE week before we got here. Up until the week before we were waiting to hear if we would even be allowed to adopt him! So, when we got the email with the date to come I was in shock!! I had almost lost hope...mourning a loss!!!! It is a hard feeling to describe! After those thoughts ran through my mind, then the email came!! Then we shifted into high gear!! I had made many lists and had him partially packed from so long ago, so that wasn't such a big deal. A list can help in many ways...until you loose it! :) But we didn't do to bad at packing. A few things we (I) forgot to pack...no biggie!

Two days before we were to leave I started to not feel well! Some what like flu like but not quite, but I sure felt AWFUL! The day before we left I really doubted we would be able to make it. I begged for God to help me get over my sickness...so I would pack a little, lay down for a bit, pack a little and so on. Thank goodness the kids were in school! My house was not quite in the way I wanted it...but oh well, my family can handle everything!

The flight into Chicago was almost every negative adjective you can think of!! Scary, bumpy, fearful, and so on. Hope you understand! We were supposed to have an hour layover. No biggie can handle getting to the gate. Well, after we almost slide off the runway with us literally getting a hard turn to the right...like swerving to hit a pot hole in the road. We arrived at the terminal with NO NO NO chance of catching our flight!!! Oh, how I begged God to help us...I thought our world was turning upside down! Our God is so good, so strong and so mighty! Ya wanna know what happened? Do ya? Well, our gate to catch our flight to Germany was THREE gates away!! We could see the number even ahead of us! Praise and thank you God!

Okay, so we were some of the last people on the plane! On a VERY crowded plane! And get this...we were not even sitting together for almost an eight hour flight! I died, but thanks to God there was one whole empty seat on the plane and you want to know where it was? Got a clue? Yep, right next to me!! And we sat next to a lovely couple who were expecting their second child from Bosnia. And she spoke English! So every couple of hours either she or I would count down the hours until we got to Germany! It was a good flight.

We got into Serbia and to our apartment that we rented close to the orphanage to be able to walk most places we wanted to go. Yay! Each time we have come we have stayed in different apartments. This one is the smallest and most sparse. But as they say, location location location! :) It will be a little snug with our new son...but cozy is in right?

Now I will crowd together our flight into Serbia and our first day. We went to our MO meeting at promptly 10:00am. It was a great meeting! Comfortable and felt very honest and we were able to ask any question. This was not like before, we were told to not ask questions and not say anything. Well, we had a couple of questions and we were also able to tell a little bit about our already adopted children and what we thought our family would be like. They were all very happy for us and were genuinely interested in us and asked many questions about the children after the meeting! It was wonderful! Then....we got to go to the orphanage!!! They told us he told them to hurry up the meeting and bring his mama and tata to him! How sweet!

So, here he is!!! A little distracted to look at the camera though!!! Who could blame him waiting so long for his mama and tata!!! So many people to see him! We had to put on those lovely coverings! :) And we played with bubbles, cars, balls, and even looked at letter books. We stayed with him for a little over three hours that day. What fun!

We walked home and we were pinching ourselves that we were here again!! After changing clothes we decided to take a walk and get a few groceries. After all of that I got one MAJOR blister that I am still trying to heal at this point! :) Then tata made grilled cheese sandwiches and we called home and saw the children. Jovan told me not to let anyone take me! I about died...my poor son is so afraid I will not come back that even one week and one day later he is still telling me to come home in two minutes! Can't wait to tell him we are coming home!

Then we crashed and woke up to day TWO.

Adoption Update...

Need I say more?

Being honest...

Where to begin...this adoption of ours has gone on a LOT longer then I ever dreamed!!! Never ever did I think God's plan was to wait and persevere and learn so much about Him and what it means to trust and depend totally on Him!! At one point when I was totally being attacked I physically ran to my Bible!! Actually, it was my hubby's grandmother's Bible...it just fit so right and felt very comfortable. She has been gone for about ten years and she and I really never knew each other, but her Bible and all it's notes and highlighted passages were of great comfort to me as well as reading and clinging to the passages that I read.

Many things have happened with the adoption program where our little boy is and it has been hard to watch and wait while they figure it out. I did have a post about some of the issues, but when Blogger went down...the post disappeared. Anyway, it basically said that we no longer were supporting the person that had helped us for our other two adoptions. Which is/was a very hard decision to make.

Since making that decision we have found out that we are now waiting and have been waiting for approval from our little boy center of social work. See, we were told that we were already approved by them and they were waiting for us. Not true we were told...so we wait longer to wait and see if they even will approve us!! Can you imagine all this time we thought we were moving forward and moving along and find out our answer could be NO? How would you feel? And yes, I know all about God's timing and God's will because that is what we want but this just threw us for a HUGE loop!!

God has been working with us a couple and we are much stronger and depend so much more then we ever have before in our lives, so that is awesome for us!!

If it seems like I am complaining and not trusting God, maybe...a little. I am tired, we are tired of waiting. So we are not doing what God is calling us to do. Wait with perseverance and have hope in God...looking at a bed and dresser all ready for a little boy that has our hearts. We have known him just as long as our other two...we met all of them almost four years ago. In a few days it would be four years. He is the cutest determined little boy! So sweet and I can see him in my mind to this day. I don't need any pictures to tell you where his smile lines are and how his eyes light up with joy! How he walks and runs, yes I remember it all!

Being the emotional person I am (or have been told many times) have cried and begged God to protect him, hold him, give him peace and joy!! Keep his spirit bright!! Hubby and I both have!!

We trust God to take care of him as God created him and knows every tiny bit about him!! God knows even more then what I remember! :) So maybe soon we will hear something about moving forward and making plans to travel. Or grieve for our loss of a little boy that we felt God leading us to.

One more emotional thing...this person that helped us I thought cared about us and our children. I used to send pictures and information to this person thinking they were glad to get it. But now I am not sure...I don't know and feel somehow betrayed.

This is me just being honest with my feelings and things that are happening with our adoption. Pray for us as we wait out our fate and that of a little boy that we so much want to call son!

Why...

After I published that post and even now as I write this I still have pain in my heart from all of this! Did I need to blog and publish this? Some may say yes and others may say no. For so long I happily and gladly supported this person and encouraged others to do so as well. After all we had known each other for almost five years! I didn't have any reason to doubt this person's honestly or believe they could violate our trust.

And I did it publicly because I want others to know that it is very very wise not to be as naive as we were when pursuing an international adoption...no matter who it is! I have been told many times I am an emotional person...yes very true!! So I will always remember this person with a tiny bit of pain.

We can talk about forgiveness...and yes I have forgiven this person. It took a little bit, and lots of prayer because I got very upset at all of this mess and this person.

God forgives us and we are to forgive others...and all I can think about is how God wipes our sins away because he gave up His son to die for me (and of course everyone else in the world!)...why did he let he ONE and ONLY son die? So that if we believe in Him we shall live. So, how can I not forgive someone else? Thank you God for giving us your son and for always and forever forgiving us for all the wrong and many times we pain your heart! I am blessed and so thankful that I am loved even in the time of needing forgiveness. Everyone can have that same thing, all one must do is trust God and believe in Him!! It will not be easy...oh no way, life is not easy, but it can have peace!

Please pray for this person and all of the families involved, whether they experienced similar things to us or not. But because a lot has been said on all kinds of blogs and such, pray they will have peace whatever they may believe about this mess with us and others.

Cycles of life...

This picture is the cycle of life for butterflies. There are many changes that happen in it's cycle. I do believe that happens for all of us. I know that for me I have gone through many cycles on this journey of adopting our son. Good changes and not such good changes. But I am very thankful to God for everything I have learned to make it to this day at this very moment! So many many tears, so much time reading my Bible, and most and best of all spending so much time with my Abba Father!! Has God changed you...have you allowed Him to?

Psalm 5:2-4...

Verse 2 Hear my cry for help my King and my God, for you I pray.

Verse 3 In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you

and wait expectantly.

Verse 4 For you a not a God who is pleased with wickedness; with you, evil people are not welcome.

This is my verse and thoughts for today. I am laying requests before God and am waiting for Him to answer according to His will and desire for us.

A Verse...

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13

I claim this verse this morning! It was today's verse at BibleGateway.com! Thank you God for putting this verse right in front of me!! This morning I went to look for a verse with hope in it. Last night I found several but wanted to find more. So I went on BibleGateway and tada there it was! God is so good to me today and everyday!!!

You must praise God through EVERYTHING!