Where to begin...this adoption of ours has gone on a LOT longer then I ever dreamed!!! Never ever did I think God's plan was to wait and persevere and learn so much about Him and what it means to trust and depend totally on Him!! At one point when I was totally being attacked I physically ran to my Bible!! Actually, it was my hubby's grandmother's Bible...it just fit so right and felt very comfortable. She has been gone for about ten years and she and I really never knew each other, but her Bible and all it's notes and highlighted passages were of great comfort to me as well as reading and clinging to the passages that I read.
Many things have happened with the adoption program where our little boy is and it has been hard to watch and wait while they figure it out. I did have a post about some of the issues, but when Blogger went down...the post disappeared. Anyway, it basically said that we no longer were supporting the person that had helped us for our other two adoptions. Which is/was a very hard decision to make.
Since making that decision we have found out that we are now waiting and have been waiting for approval from our little boy center of social work. See, we were told that we were already approved by them and they were waiting for us. Not true we were told...so we wait longer to wait and see if they even will approve us!! Can you imagine all this time we thought we were moving forward and moving along and find out our answer could be NO? How would you feel? And yes, I know all about God's timing and God's will because that is what we want but this just threw us for a HUGE loop!!
God has been working with us a couple and we are much stronger and depend so much more then we ever have before in our lives, so that is awesome for us!!
If it seems like I am complaining and not trusting God, maybe...a little. I am tired, we are tired of waiting. So we are not doing what God is calling us to do. Wait with perseverance and have hope in God...looking at a bed and dresser all ready for a little boy that has our hearts. We have known him just as long as our other two...we met all of them almost four years ago. In a few days it would be four years. He is the cutest determined little boy! So sweet and I can see him in my mind to this day. I don't need any pictures to tell you where his smile lines are and how his eyes light up with joy! How he walks and runs, yes I remember it all!
Being the emotional person I am (or have been told many times) have cried and begged God to protect him, hold him, give him peace and joy!! Keep his spirit bright!! Hubby and I both have!!
We trust God to take care of him as God created him and knows every tiny bit about him!! God knows even more then what I remember! :) So maybe soon we will hear something about moving forward and making plans to travel. Or grieve for our loss of a little boy that we felt God leading us to.
One more emotional thing...this person that helped us I thought cared about us and our children. I used to send pictures and information to this person thinking they were glad to get it. But now I am not sure...I don't know and feel somehow betrayed.
This is me just being honest with my feelings and things that are happening with our adoption. Pray for us as we wait out our fate and that of a little boy that we so much want to call son!
After I published that post and even now as I write this I still have pain in my heart from all of this! Did I need to blog and publish this? Some may say yes and others may say no. For so long I happily and gladly supported this person and encouraged others to do so as well. After all we had known each other for almost five years! I didn't have any reason to doubt this person's honestly or believe they could violate our trust.
And I did it publicly because I want others to know that it is very very wise not to be as naive as we were when pursuing an international adoption...no matter who it is! I have been told many times I am an emotional person...yes very true!! So I will always remember this person with a tiny bit of pain.
We can talk about forgiveness...and yes I have forgiven this person. It took a little bit, and lots of prayer because I got very upset at all of this mess and this person.
God forgives us and we are to forgive others...and all I can think about is how God wipes our sins away because he gave up His son to die for me (and of course everyone else in the world!)...why did he let he ONE and ONLY son die? So that if we believe in Him we shall live. So, how can I not forgive someone else? Thank you God for giving us your son and for always and forever forgiving us for all the wrong and many times we pain your heart! I am blessed and so thankful that I am loved even in the time of needing forgiveness. Everyone can have that same thing, all one must do is trust God and believe in Him!! It will not be easy...oh no way, life is not easy, but it can have peace!
Please pray for this person and all of the families involved, whether they experienced similar things to us or not. But because a lot has been said on all kinds of blogs and such, pray they will have peace whatever they may believe about this mess with us and others.