A Funny...

True story...kinda icky gross, but funny!! (disclaimer...if you have a weak stomach maybe don't read this post!) On our way to Serbia (when we adopted Srecko) I didn't feel well before the trip at all, almost said we couldn't make it. I finished packing by laying down then I'd get up and pack a little then lay down some more trying NOT to get sick...oh I felt like I had the flu or something! I just felt awful!!

Anyway I made it on the plane...with LOTS of praying and LOTS of anti-nausea pills!! I was trying to survive by sleeping and taking the pills off and and on. By the time we made it to Belgrade I was feeling better...or so I thought. (Details to come) We went to our meeting with the Ministry Officials and then we went to see Srecko. I think the excitement of the day really helped me not to be so ill.

Now on to the third day I felt so sick again and forced myself to go to our morning visit...because I wanted to see Srecko and to be completely honest I didn't want anything to work against us during our bonding. Made it through the morning visit, had lunch and laid down trying to feel better...forced myself to go to the afternoon visit. Well an hour or so into our visit I told hubby that I really DID NOT feel well. I tried everything I could to feel better, then Srecko's social worker came by and I told her I was sick and had to leave...she said it was okay and I would feel better tomorrow. Loved her optimism!!

Anyway got a ride back to the apartment and the whole time I am thinking don't throw up, don't throw up. I think I jumped out of the car as it was still moving to park...and started to run up the 4 long flights of stairs!! The elevator wasn't working!!!! I made it up just half way up the first flight when it happened!! Let's just say it was the afternoon and I had eaten lunch thinking I would feel better by eating...um NO!! As I was standing there on the cold marble steps...losing my lunch my hubby hadn't made it in yet from the car... But a man heard me and came to hold my forehead while I was throwing up. A strange man came to my rescue!! What a blessing...but first he asked me if I was DRUNK!!! I was crying at that point...and I said NO NO I was ADOPTING from the Belgrade orphanage! Some crazy American woman I am sure he thought I was!! But he helped me up the stairs to the apartment...I went and laid down and hubby cleaned up the stairs!

And um NO I did not make it the next day! I had an almost 102 degree temperature!! I thought the whole time we would not be successful at adopting Srecko because I was sick. I cried and prayed the whole time hubby went to go visit Srecko that God would grant the orphanage staff understanding during my absence! Guess what? We adopted him! And I went back the following day feeling much better! God is SO good!

We laugh about it now...especially when I can no longer eat the meal I ate that day! I also remember that day because I called my mom crying...before I prayed. She told me to think of something good out of the situation...and I said ya right!! But after I hung up I did just that and thought of many more than one thing and I think that helped me feel better faster! Now more posts about the children...

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!...



A blog post will be coming...this mama is sick, but the kids aren't!! Makes for an interesting household! But we have had fun in spite of mama being down. Daddy is awesome and has done a ton!! Tomorrow we will go outside and try to fly a kite. We have NO snow here...compared to last year it is quite the contrast! The weather man said it would be blustery...so maybe just maybe they will be correct! So much more to write...Srecko's first Christmas, first Christmas without my grandma, and NO snow!

I have pictures too! Maybe tomorrow I will have more get up an go! Have a safe New Year's Eve! May God bless you all in this new year!!

Change...

Okay, as you can see I have changed the look of my blog...so for now it will be this way until I work on it some more. Not too bad as my favorite color is green and it reminds me of newness. The newness of one's self, spirit or life. Guess that is what is going on for me. Death does that to some people. My life has be changed forever but I am looking for newness in my life and asking God to bless me with it.

I will just chat briefly and move on to more exciting posts about the children. You all will like that I am sure. God has blessed me with the feeling of peace and joy. Right now as I type this I am in the room that she passed away in. Peace and joy...can still hear my daughter giggling when she and my grandma would visit. Boy, did Kristina love to play dress up and put on my grandma's babushkas. (scarfs around her head) Kristina would put on a fashion show when she would get new clothes. It was so fun to see...like kindred spirits they were.

This year in my many years of life I will not have my grandma to fix the traditional Christmas Eve dinner. She was a Greek Orthodox with a great relationship with Christ! But a Ukrainian dinner it was! Perogies, Borchst, rye bread, and other things I can not spell...oh, and herring. I know how to make this meal...but I have been sick...like not getting better sick and this meal takes a lot of work. Not complaining but if my grandma were still here she would tell me to lie on the couch, no wait she would make me help her first! So I have conceded to making the Borscht and buying the Perogies. Next year I will try to make everything...my first New Year's resolution!

My life is new, everything about it. I still plan meals around what my grandmother would like, movies for her to watch and things like that. God has given me a peace that only he can give. I can smile when I think about the way she passed away completely peaceful and so orchestrated by God. I can not thank Him enough for that and I will forever be mindful of that! God even takes care of the little things! I took pictures at the graveside and my mother was so thankful as she was not there! I thought she would think it awful...but I just felt lead to take pictures and I did.

So now on to the children...


That was on Thanksgiving day 2011! So cute they are! More posts and pictures to come!

Blog...

I do not know what happened to the look of my blog. I am NOT computer savvy and I have been trying to figure it out for days...hang on I might even change the whole look! :) Hang tight!

Mercy and Grace...

That is how I feel I have been treated with. Maybe even preserved with! My grandmother passed away 27 hours ago. That is 27 hours I have not heard her, helped her, fed her, dressed her, talked to her and lived with her. (Actually it has been a week now...been busy with many things.) She was an amazing woman...someone that I wanted to be like. Strong, stubborn, loving, caring, helpful, sweet, generous and just all around wonderful! (My hubby says I have some of those characteristics...not necessarily all the good ones!) That's okay I can say I got it from her!

I have posted about her in several posts...about persevering and caring for her. The love I had for my grandmother was like no other. Special to say the least!!

My grandmother passed away on Monday Novemeber 28th at home with me, my mom, my sister and my hubby! I watched her take her last breath. The two nights before she passed I was up every two hours checking on her and listening to her breathe. Sunday night as I was listening to her, (we had a baby monitor right by my head) I heard her breathing change. I panicked just a little and prayed to God...did I want to hear her last breath, or not? I begged God to be with me...and he was because I got calm and peaceful.

Monday the nurse and home health aide were coming. Last word I got was they couldn't come together...but guess what? God orchestrated the timing because they came together. They helped wash her up and turn her on her side as she was getting red in spots...well then her oxygen level got really low and we watched as she took her last breath.

I died right along with her...she left me! She really left me! Pain was indescribable!! I wanted to die with her...she left me!!! I miss her SO much!! Tears come as I continue to write this!!

But, as I shed tears I also have to rejoice in God's tender mercy and grace. She went so quickly and most of the family was there when she passed away. Hubby went to get the kids and they were able to say goodbye and wish her well. (She had already passed away at that point) We sang songs with her and I took pictures...Hubby and I have always told the kids that my grandmother would be moving into a room that God made and she would be living with Jesus.

The kids all had different reactions. Kristina was very somber and just looked and looked at her. Srecko could not understand why she did not take her stuff with her. I explained that Jesus would have all new things for her...so we could give her things to people her in town that need them. And Jovan, well he said "this is sad, so very sad"...and started to cry. His whole little body just shook. Broke my heart! Then we reminded the kids that My grandmother was dancing with Jesus, and playing with him. And whatever sounded like fun! :)

My grandmother stayed at the house for six and a half hours before the mortuary got her. That was the best thing we could have ever done. She did not want a fuss made. All of her friends were gone and she just had family left we kind of had the "wake" at home. We had sandwiches and we were able to go into my grandmother's room and take our time and say goodbye. If we would have had the wake at the church or funeral home it would have been a much much shorter time to say goodbye. On Thursday we had her burial. It was cold but it was a nice service. Then most of the family went to my sister's after. Hubby and I headed home to get the kids off the bus.

The saddest part was the fact that my mom (my grandmother's only child) was not there. She was sitting in my dad's hospital room. My dad had day surgery...but had complications and had to be admitted. Praise God he came home yesterday after one week! I took pictures and my mom was glad! I am glad!

Praise God and I give all the glory to God for such a beautiful time with her passing away. I was terrified that the house would have death all over it...but God is so good to me. There is only peace and joy where there was once suffering and death!! And to have everyone able to come to our house and see her was amazingly wonderful! Praise God all over and over again for a peaceful passing away to heaven for my beloved grandmother!!!

Confession...

I have a confession, it's like the same day after day! Why can't I learn my lessons? The verse below came to me this morning while I was working/tolerating my grandmother. Do I do everything so God can work in me the way he wants me to? Well, probably not...I sometimes stumble and complain about my situation instead of giving the glory to God that he is holding me up.

²⁸ And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who^[a]have been called according to his purpose.

To think about the why of my life I just need to remember to get through one day, one hour, one minute or even one second. So far this morning I have had to count the hours that I have made it through counting on God and really trying to let go and let God handle the situation. Thanks be to God that I have made it four hours so far! Praise God I only had one melt down of tears because of something my grandmother said. But I should know she really is talking out of her mind...but you know words can hurt!

I am so thankful to know that I am a child of god and can count on him and remember to count my blessings!! My mom has my daughter, the boys are playing outside...it's just the right temperature that it is comfortable out. Have baked apple crisp and banana bread (the best I think I have ever made...Bonus!!!!) Working on my third load of laundry...easy because it is the round of sheets and towels! Love it! God has given me strength to get to this hour!! Thank you God!

Giving God the glory for the good in my life is easy! I just need to remember to to turn the icky stuff that happens into praise. Like the song we played and sang over and over again when we were adopting Kristina...

Blessed Be Your name When I'm found in the desert place Though I walk through the wilderness Blessed Be Your name

  Every blessing You pour out I'll turn back to praise When the darkness closes in, Lord Still I will say  

Blessed be the name of the Lord Blessed be Your name Blessed be the name of the Lord 

Blessed be Your glorious name  Blessed be Your name 

When the sun's shining down on me When the world's 'all as it should be' 

Blessed be Your name  Blessed be Your name 

On the road marked with suffering Though there's pain in the offering Blessed be Your name 

 Every blessing You pour out I'll turn back to praise 

When the darkness closes in, Lord Still I will say  Blessed be the name of the Lord Blessed be Your name

 Blessed be the name of the Lord Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be the name of the Lord Blessed be Your name Blessed be the name of the Lord 

Blessed be Your glorious name  You give and take away You give and take away

 My heart will choose to say Lord, blessed be Your name

So today every hour I am going to Give God the glory for EVERYTHING!  

Thank you God!

Let's See...

How come life can just whiz by and you can't remember anything? We haven't done much of anything exciting. Srecko has been home five months now. He has really started to speak in English. Like in the last week or so, it is like he has found his voice and is talking ALL the time. His voice is like music to my ears!

There are moments that I still can't believe I have three kids...they are mine (and of course hubby's too) and God blessed and trusted me to be their mother!! Just about anyone can have a birth baby...but what a journey of trust and faith and let's not forget PERSEVERANCE to adopt!! You can always look back and say, wow that wasn't so bad! :) Hopefully one day God will trust me with more!

I was thinking about my childhood and how much I wanted to be a mother...like we are talking five years old or so. I had lots of dolls and I loved each one of them...they were all different! When I was growing up we lived in a house with an attic type set up for a bedroom. It was long and ran the length of the house and the walls were covered with wood paneling. The dresser was built into the wall, but there was a door you could get into behind the dresser drawers. Confused? Hope not, anyway there were about twelve drawers and I would imagine that there was a lamp and a rocking chair back there for me and in each one of those drawers was a baby that I took care of. Wow, what an imagination! But, I loved babies and kids!! Starting watching kids when I was about nine years old...my mom was always close by, but it was my responsibility.

On another post I think I may have mentioned this...when I was in about fifth grade in school we had kids that had disabilities that sat in the lunch room with the "typical" kids...and I would watch them...and that is when I knew I would have special needs kids. That was cool!! Some memories I will never forget. When I was a my last year of high school I could have graduated early...but instead chose to work in a special needs classroom. Can you guess I LOVED it!! I worked with a little boy with Downs Syndrome...oh man, did I enjoy that. I taught him his colors...using sign language and to ride a bike and many other things. I did that every morning and went back to school for lunch and afternoon classes. That was a nice time to remember.

This month is Adoption Awareness Month. Orphan Sunday was last Sunday. Basically it is to bring to light all of the orphans WORLD wide that need parents! Some people are called by God to adopt like we were. Praying for families and orphans can be something to do and families greatly appreciate that! Another major way is to donate money and support families financially. Even five dollars goes a long way!! Five dollars buys the family something to eat in country or pays some or all of the taxi fare. Five dollars buys fresh fruit to give to their newest addition. Kristina and Srecko LOVED bananas!! Oh, and let's not forget little treats for the kids...we had several rainy days and brought treats, and not always food either!

Right now there are three friends that are adopting. The one thing that we have in common is that we all adopted from Serbia. I am going to link to their blogs so you can read their stories. Two are adopting from a country other then Serbia this time...

Leah over here, Lorraine over here, and Faith over here . Go check them out...some incredible stories! Would have never met them if it weren't for all of us adopting!! Go see their blogs and how God is working and changing their lives!! Okay...wish I was with them, but only God knows where/when or even if we are to adopt again! Please take a moment and pray for families that are adopting...Satan can really attack during theses times, just pray! Thank you!!

Mortality...

What a word that is. It has been on my mind a LOT lately. Probably more than that of an average person. It has been on my mind because I have a 92 1/2 year old grandmother that I watch age on a daily basis. When I check on her...is she still going to be breathing, is always my first thought! I've gotten over being freaked out about checking on her...I just ask God for peace and calm and sometimes I have to ask that several times a day!

She had an episode the other day that her heart rate dropped so fast she had a seizure and her mouth and nose turned blue. I knew something was going to happen, I was just unsure as to when in the day. I now believe that was God giving me the calmness and peace I needed for that moment in time. My mom was with us as well as my hubby when it happened. She came around on her own after about five minutes. We were told we do not need to take her to the emergency room as the fix would be a pace maker...and she does not want any heroic acts done to keep her alive...

So we wait for God to direct our steps for the next move. I have talked a lot about my grandmother in several posts...maybe? She consumes a lot of my day, it used to be worse as I would try to do everything I could to see to my grandmother's happiness. Don't judge me, I know that it is up to each individual and their happiness...but I guess I was/sometimes still do think about how her life has changed over the last seven years...moving twice and having three kids added to her family and all the changes that happen when you get old...and none of them good ones either. So sometimes my grandmother is a WEE bit crabby...but can I blame her? No, not really. She also has gotten very anxious...oh my! Learning to deal with that as well. So many things to think about and the bottom line is mortality.

Another thought about mortality is the fact that my daughter has a disease that will most likely be the reason for her death. There is no cure for Cystic Fibrosis a lung disease that she was born with. People ask if we knew she had it when we adopted her and the answer is yes we did. Some say then you knew what you were getting into by adopting a child that will die. (OH yes, we have had several people over the fours years she has been ours say that to us.) God gave us Kristina and everything that makes up who she is! I do not know how long on earth I will be able to put my arms around Kristina and whisper in her ear that I love her...praying that God will let that be for a long time!!

She has been sick for about three weeks and missed almost two weeks of school because of it. Every single time she coughs, my insides just shake a little. Sometimes I sob when I hear her suffer. I get concerned about how much damage is happening because she gets sick. Not obsess about it...do whatever it is that we can do to help her...but her mortality is always on the back of my mind...God keep her healthy, but he really doesn't have to listen to me...he has plans for my daughter that I don't know anything about and maybe her will take her to heaven at a young age.

But whenever it is I know that she will be dancing with God in the arms of Jesus! Kristina knows about God and knowing who Jesus is and having him live within her. She knows that God sent his son, his one and only son, to die for us so that we may live in heaven instead of suffering in hell for all eternity. The one lesson I can take away form all of this is I can rejoice in the fact that both my grandmother and daughter know Christ as their savior and knowing the fact that they will be together in heaven some day!

2 years and 4 days = Jovan...

4 months and 4 days = Srecko...

(Started this two days ago)Yep, Friday was Jovan's gotcha day and it was Srecko's been in America day. Mommy had the HUGEST headache I have ever had and still have a little one today! Crying did NOT help me! :) We had chocolate for their celebrations and lots of hugs! :) They both feel like they have been here forever!! We waited for them for so long...and we saw God at work and actually see why we had to wait and ALL the miracles that surrounded their adoptions.

Jovan, what can I say about him? He is a cheerful, kind, gentle, funny, sweet and beautiful little boy!! Actually at nine his is getting OLD! :) He came home in 12 month size pants and now is almost into 24 months. Tops are more like extra small or 5 toddler. Small package but HUGE personality!! He LOVES fire trucks and can't stop talking about them. This year we went to a fire station for an open house which was the day before his birthday...worked great! Then we had a small birthday party for him. He thought it was great!!! It was his second birthday with us! :)

He knows that God gave him a special package with his body and we try really hard to make sure he can do the things he wants. Now he gets it that he will never be able to be a fireman...that was a HARD thing to see him understand. But, know we are working on maybe seeing if he could be a 911 operator. Which also helps him remember to speak slowly and clearly, so that's a bonus! :) School is something he loves and is doing okay, not up to peer standards but is really trying hard! Wants to drive a monster truck, but we have yet to figure out how that would work...but that is all him and he has to get a job and buy it himself. Another positive reason to do well in school! :)

Speaking only for myself, I am SO thankful that God has blessed us with Jovan!!! I will NEVER EVER EVER forget the moment that I fell in love with him!! And to wait for one and a half years to adopt him was so HARD!!!! I posted that story here. What a wonderful gift from God!

Now on to Srecko...wow, how he has changed in four months!! Speaking English even in sentences that are pretty long and appropriate!! He is such a blessing to our family! And his giggles are very contagious!! He lights up a room with his smile! School is something he loves and is trying very hard to read...he is getting his numbers very well and his colors! Cars are his most favorite toy to play with and he loves creating and building things as well. Outside he loves dirt and swinging...who wouldn't? Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are his favorite food! Loves to help in the kitchen and other chores.

I was thinking about when I first saw him on the play ground at the orphanage four years and five months ago. So sweet and calm...just wanted to hug him. Played by himself most times...riding toys were his thing to do. At that time he had a family committed to him...I was so happy for him!! Such a beautiful little boy! And then we saw him almost two years ago to the day...he was still the same little boy, he played with Jovan and my hubby a lot. And again he had another family committed to him, so I was happy that he would have a mommy and daddy!! Little did I know that we would end up as his family all those years later. One can question God...but God's timing is perfect and we believe that...no matter what and no matter who says different!

Saturday is Srecko's first American birthday with a family!! Praise God!!! We are just having a family party as he sometimes gets a little overwhelmed with a lot going on. I have had his gifts for a very very long time!! He understands and knows about birthdays...we showed him on the calendar when it is...now it is really close!!! He is having a cars like the Disney movie cars...I ordered a cake and need to run and get the decorations. Auntie is getting balloons so it should be great!! Well have lots to do...fall cleaning and decorating! Fun! Grilling steak for dinner!! Have a blessed day!

Elderly...

Who falls under that description? Well if you are a person they would be old or aged. If it was a machine it would be showing signs of age. In this case I am going to be talking about a person. I posted a little/lot about this person here. And I am still working on that and now more issues have arisen. So we try to keep moving forward.

If I put myself in my grandmother's shoes I think I would die! I can not imagine chronic pain day after day after day ALL day long. We have tried many different drugs and therapies...but none too successful. Her mind knows it can do things, but her body doesn't cooperate. She has been a HARD worker all of her life up until last year she helped plant in the garden. The tv does not excite her, although an occasional movie will. It is hard for her to read her Ukrainian newspaper or parts of the Bible printed out in large print. Every day is a struggle for her.

With her struggle also comes along with my struggle. She sits and I watch her sit and try hard to find things to do even if they didn't need to be done in the first place...things like that. Boy, some days I just want to say I don't have anything for you! But, I keep looking. Some days I just sit and work around her...talking to her about the past (she has long term memory not short) and also talk about my daughter Kristina. My grandmother thinks that Kristina is her little princess and just adores her! I try to keep her mind healthy by making it think and work.

I will not tell a lie...it is HARD work!! Harder work then I have done in my life!! Some days I have to beg God to help me even want to help her. I love my grandmother more then anything. She taught me about hard work and cooking traditional Ukrainian meals and about giving and sharing. I like to think that some of who I am I learned from my grandmother. So struggling to want to help her makes me feel so many different things.

Lately she has gone down hill as far as her memory goes and also having to have me home. If I go anywhere...that is with my mom watching her she gets anxious and makes herself sick. So I do not make plans to go anywhere. Church on Sunday is a set time every week and my grandma thinks that a woman that comes to watch her goes by the name Mary. Which her real name is Ann, my mother!!! We don't try to correct her because she wouldn't get it anyway.

Other things have changed as well, she get CRABBY really quickly. Even when I am having a nice conversation with her. Almost like a split personality...and it isn't pretty!! She knows that she needs to leave and take herself to her room where she can calm down. And she does that most of the time but a few times she has had the strength to throw things in her room. No breakables are in there, so she is safe that way. But you know it is sad that it happens. I do smile however...just because it is a 92 year old having a bad attitude...like a temper tantrum. But not funny because that is what happens to her. I am just matter of fact now with it and I just direct her to her room. It is becoming a normal occurring situation.

When I look at my life I am like a two sided coin. One is a mother of three children wonderfully and fearfully made by God!! And the other is a caregiver of an elderly person. Some days they make me dizzy, like if you stood a coin on it's side and spun it around...hey that's me!! And I wonder so many things...too many to mention but like she wants to go to heaven she is tired of suffering so why doesn't God just take her? Why did God let me have my kids now while I am taking care of my grandmother? Am I doing the right thing with her or should I try something else? And the list can go on and on.

On the days when I get down thinking about all the things I can't do and how I feel trapped I have to remember that my grandmother is going through the same thing. My mom often reminds me about looking for something good in the situation...oh man is it hard, but I can find them I really can!! God is teaching me patience and perseverance... hard lessons I thought I learned while we were adopting. Man, I hope I learn the lesson soon!

Something happened to me a few weeks ago...I was so sad and cried so hard I thought my heart was going to fall out of my chest!! And I felt like I could not reach God...no matter what and couldn't understand it. People would pray for me and I would feel such peace, but when I prayed it didn't seem to do anything. I cried out to God and begged him to show me what was happening! Well, the word forgiveness floated across my heart. What? Forgiveness for what, then God showed me that I had resentment in my heart towards my grandmother. Wow, I about died...I never thought I had that in my heart, I felt bad that I did. God laid that on my heart and I asked for forgiveness from God and I feel like a new person!!

God really knows everything...even things that you don't know you feel. It's like God has helped by filling up my patience and perseverance buckets...I am much calmer, well actually peaceful. I don't take the negative actions and words spoken by my grandmother to my heart...I have God's protective shield in front of me! Thank you God for that! In the of book of James in the Bible God brought the first chapter to my attention again! It talks about counting all of our joy when we go through a trial or a season as some people have called it. Joy? Wow, I can do that because I have been practicing!! Insert smiling face here!! It really changes you attitude about negative situations!!

Don't get me wrong, I still struggle with this a LOT...but if I focus on the positive and God, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!! That verse is in Philippians chapter 4 verse 13. Yep, just tell yourself that and make sure you have a clean heart...asking God to forgive you or show you what you need forgiveness for. I am thankful that I still can care for my grandmother and my children know her! But being elderly is HARD! But praise God I have a few years left before that is me! :) See trying to be positive... Next time you face a trial I urge you to try to think of a positive thing about it. Even a teeny tiny thing!!

Answers...

We had Srecko scheduled for surgery on Friday. Along with that accompanied prayer! LOTS of it! Should he have surgery so soon? He has been home about 4 and a half months. There were a couple of things that needed to be taken care of, so we felt okay about that decision! I wasn't really nervous, just wish we could communicate with him so he fully understood what was going to happen to him. Prayers for peace and the surgeons that would work on him for guided hands.

How did God answer you ask? Well, we got there with OUT one single problem even though there was road construction. We did not have to wait long for extra anxiety for Srecko. And at home my mom said the morning school routine was easy and peaceful!

But I think what the greatest and most wonderful answer to prayer was the fact that one of the anesthesiologist spoke Serb/Croatian. Srecko understood her and seemed to relax. She said she would be there when he went back to the OR and also when he woke up. Which she was! Only God could answer prayers that way...knowing exactly what we needed and more importantly what our son Srecko needed!

I thank everyone who prayed for us and give praise and glory to God for his answers!!

Here is after surgery...pretty wiped out but still peaceful!!!

Quick Post...

Yes, I have lots to blog about...school, Jovan's birthday and much more. But I just wanted to say that I am not sure if I am kinda crazy or what. My kids go to school 2.5 miles away and I miss them very much when they are gone. They all have AWESOME teachers and paras that work with them. Their case manager (like head teacher who keeps everything together) ROCKS!! She was I know hand picked by God just for me! We think alike and just move in the same direction!

Anyway, they are gone during the day and I sometimes go in the kid's room and sit. I just thank God so much for their lives. I know that sounds crazy...but hey I have only been a mom for four years three months and nine days!! :) And I LOVE it!! I have always wanted to be a mom since as far back as I can remember!!! And since 1976 I knew that I would have kids with special needs!! God brought me just the right man to help me be the best mama I can be! Hubby is out of this world wonderful!!

Tonight after the kids went to bed...(very punctually) I realized that my heart was full knowing that my kids were here with hubby and me. Peace in the house and it was NOT because they were sleeping either! :) Enjoy your family and thank you God for mine!!

Catching up...

Okay I am very slow at all the updates...we have been home three months and one day with Srecko. Time sure has flown by!! I know I say that a LOT, but it is so true!! Everyday there is something going on...there are therapies for each kid...and I am thankful to God that we have people that are really helping our kids.

Doctor appointments for the kids for a variety of reasons...everyone is healthy. I thank God for that!! So we were all ready to start school knowing that! :)

Let's see...remembering is hard...basically we just stayed around home playing, going to the park, kids playing in the pool and in their fort. Having picnics, doing a lot of cooking and eating outside.

Yes, we have had lots of fun and the kids were very excited for school to start! As soon as school supplies went on sale I started to gather them. Done shopping by the end of July! :) We decided that we would start them out in school for about six weeks and then evaluate. They all have really awesome teachers this year! And this mama is on top of what's happening too.

Now an update on our newest child...learning and talking in English. The other day he came home from school and was able to tell me what he did in English and the rest he acted out for me! So sweet! He LOVES school!!! When he comes home and in fact leaves for the bus he is SO very happy! Comes home and shows me his papers! Learning how to do so many things...setting the table, making his bed, clearing the table, brushing his teeth on all his own! He loves to help and is trying new things! Like climbing on the playground...that took a bit of encouragement and even after he fell and scraped his arm he got right back up again. What a trouper! Well. that's all the bits I have for now! Stay tuned more updates soon!

Persecution...

I'll let that word sit with you awhile.

That word was talked about in church this past Sunday. (Started this post weeks ago and now even more weeks ago) And to be totally honest I was not sure what the message would be like...I thought ya there are a lot of persecuted Christians out there...then our missionary started to speak. She told stories of real live people in today's age...like right this minute go through persecution. Why you ask are they persecuted? All because they love God! And will NOT deny that they love him!! Incredible!!

All I can think about is WOW...I love God and will NOT deny him either, but then there is a wow they are really suffering. It's easy for me to sit back and say I love God and chances are nothing will happen to me because I say it. For some reason Sunday it really hit me. I am very blessed to be able to say I love God over and over again!!

Then I thought about God's son who was persecuted and put to DEATH! Why? Because he was different. Well, he didn't look different on the outside...but it was the inside that was different! No one can see on the inside...except when the love of God showed right through him! Which was ALL the time, and I am sure that scared everyone to death!

I think about that Sunday a lot...and think about one man, a very special man DIED because his father wanted him to.. Talk about the ultimate pain! Physical pain for Jesus and pain for God to see his one and only sin die a horrible death!! Since being blessed with kids I think about how in the world would I let my child die...for someone else? Can't imagine one bit!

Jesus died for me, he did for everyone who reads my blog and everyone that doesn't. He died for EVERYONE in the world! He died so that if we believe in him...believe in him and ask Jesus to be with you...you will become a child of God. God loves you, he made you... Think about it, he knew you even before your parent's did! Wow! I am glad that God loves me, I am his adopted child!

A song....

This is a song that has been on my mind lately! I'll update soon! Got lots to share!

The song is called "I will rise" by Chris Tomlin!

There's a peace I've come to know

Though my heart and flesh may fail
There's an anchor for my soul
I can say "It is well"

Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead

And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise

There's a day that's drawing near
When this darkness breaks to light
And the shadows disappear
And my faith shall be my eyes
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/c/chris_tomlin/i_will_rise.html ]
Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead

And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise

And I hear the voice of many angels sing,
"Worthy is the Lamb"
And I hear the cry of every longing heart,
"Worthy is the Lamb"
And I hear the voice of many angels sing,
"Worthy is the Lamb"
And I hear the cry of every longing heart,
"Worthy is the Lamb"

And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise

Sacrifice...

I just want to share with you this blog post of a friend of mine who is adopting three kiddos...you can find it here Thanks...please pray for them!

Oh my...

Oh my this mama went for a short bike ride! I have not been on a bike in about 30 years!!! Let's just say I NEED to wear a helmet and practice turning!!! The kids were so excited to ride! We all have bikes but Jovan. He is getting a hand held pedal bike. But it is very expensive! So we can get a grant and pay for the rest. We can't wait!! The way he rides (we had him try it out) you would have thought he has been riding for years! :)

Because Jovan has a few obstacles to over come...we try extra hard to make things seem more normal. Not to baby him, but to make it some what easier to do what others can do. I think that this mommy is way more excited to have him get his bike then he is! Actually, it is the mommy that sees him long to be mobile like his siblings and it makes me a little sad. But on the other hand, in life you do not always get what you want. Isn't that the truth! And no my kids don't get every little thing they want, but a bike would be great and it would last him for YEARS!!

We have been home seven weeks and one day...and I want to know where the time has gone!! See, to me it feels like Srecko has been in our family for a LONG time!! He had his bed, his clothes, some of his very own toys and his blanket the my mom crocheted for him. Actually my mom crochets an afghan for each of my children...basically the same pattern with a little bit of her own design. Love them and so do the kids! Most days it felt like he was coming home...but there were a few that I was not sure...that made it so hard to wait patiently on the Lord! But you all know he is here and right now he is sleeping down the hall from where I am sitting! (Soon to be awakened to start the day.)

Hasn't been too much going on since last week...Srecko is learning to ask for things in English...like sentences! Yah! He has the sweetest voice! Swimming is a hit with him...getting wet and even using soap are top things on his list. There is an EEG scheduled next week for him, don't know what those results will hold...but I know God will help us deal with whatever the results may be. And he finally gets to go and see about his feet and legs to see if braces of some sort will work for him. He has been learning...in what my kids call "mommy school".

Have to tell you a little story...my first two kids have Leap Frog Leapsters (like a video game, but with learning as the emphasis) And I just looked two days ago into one for Srecko. Maybe thought there was a sale...and was going to purchase one for $50.00 with free shipping! Well, something said wait and I did. So yesterday I went into town with my mom to grab a few things for my nephew's birthday party and asked her if we could stop at the thrift store in town. (I still call it town, it has only about 3000 people and it has NOT changed in the 30 years since my parents moved us up here!) Anyway, we went and there was sale! Oh boy! So we quick looked around and in the toy department there it was! Just laying on the shelf for anyone to see. Yes, it was the Leapster I was looking at!! Oh, then I thought...what if it doesn't work...oh well it was only $5.50, but then WAIT...they were having a sale!!! And then it was only $3.75!!! I brought it home and put batteries in it to check...I was sad that it didn't work. Hubby said, let him look at it...and I had put the batteries in wrong and it WORKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yep, for $3.75 (oh plus tax) I got what I wanted for him...it is in beautiful condition and the kids are showing him how it works and he loves it!

Well, got to go get those boys up...they would sleep all day if I let them sometimes. And I hear my grandma too. My daughter has been up for an hour... It's nice!

Alone...

Tonight my hubby took our children to VBS. And I am alone. Well, not exactly as my grandma and two Dachshunds are sleeping. But I am alone...maybe lonely? I have the Waltons on tv in the back ground...for company and I also love the show!! :)

I could be doing so many things...scrap booking, catching up on emailing people, dishes :), reading, mowing the lawn or weed eating, so I have things to keep me busy...yet I am still alone.

Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining...it just doesn't happen that often and I don't know what to do with myself!! I printed out some thing for the kids with chores and a schedule for me, and things for Srecko to learn to print. I guess I have been busy!

Today I looked at my tired children...they HAD to take naps!!! Going to vacation Bible school is very tiring!! :) I have three children!! Why does that still make my mind spin? It does seem like yesterday that it was just hubby and I! And now we are a family of FIVE!!

All of my children like very similar things which is wonderful. Let's see a couple of them are water, dirt, movies, and soap! :) When it was so HOT here a couple of days ago...we let them all play in the tub...not together though! We had inside picnics, movie on our bigger (hand me down from grandparents) screen tv, had ice cream, and just tried not to sweat! :) They wanted to go outside...but the heat index was so HIGH!!! Like between 105-125 for days!! Kristina can not sweat without having to keep her hydrated and enjoy a salty treat.

Let's see tomorrow marks six weeks that Srecko has been home...I can NOT believe that! He and I looked at some pictures today that I took while in Serbia. He was so excited to see some pictures of the playground...and of the play room we played it. But he was most excited to see a picture of his teacher from his school. And today I laid out the piles for each of the kids for school supplies...he knew what they were because we have home school here...brand new crayons, and markers, paper and pencils!! The joy that he has is a quiet peaceful joy!!

Now I think I am going to do some more research on home school stuff!

Pain...

Have you ever had pain in your heart? The achy pain that does not go away? Then when you would like to tell someone about it, you know that they will just say it was your fault and you shouldn't do it anyway and not really care how you are hurting. Do you know what I am talking about?

I have that kind of pain...have had it for a long time. I just put a lid on it...try to ignore it, shove it way down in the depths of my heart hoping desperately it will magically disappear. Can't tell my hubby because he is frustrated about it on a different level. Can't tell my mom or my sister, it's too close to them.

I suffer alone and try to persevere so hard it hurts! Try to live my life and be the best mom and wife I can be! Not being two faced because I truly truly love my husband and kids and am so thankful for them! They bring me great joy in the midst of the pain.

What is causing SO much pain you ask? Well, this is going to sound pathetic and I am sure people will be judge mental...but I don't care. Being a care giver to an elderly person is the toughest thing to do!! Why do it? Because I promised that I would never put my grandmother in a nursing home!! EVER It's tough!!!

I am now unable to do many things my family wants to do...it causes too much stress on my grandma to have other people watch her. My children are tired of hearing we can't and your great grandma needs us. Even though my kids are not typically developing they still know. I am stuck...yes, I get relief...but not enough that really helps. Oh, but you were gone for three weeks adopting your son, you got a break...WRONG!!! My grandma was so upset that I was gone and things were not done like I do them she was a huge problem for my mom and sister who were watching her. They had more trouble and more tears because of her. So I was 5000 miles away feeling bad and guilty for leaving...and causing my grandma stress!! Mental sounding I know...but it is hard to rise above it. And it's hard not to sound like I am feeling sorry for myself!

So, break your promise and put her in a nursing home...well I can't!! She would suffer way worse then with me! Not only does she have horrible chronic pain issues, she is having a hard time talking in English now...mostly Ukrainian is what comes out! So she would have a hard time communicating and it would be really hard honestly to drag myself over to see her.

You know I talk to God about it all the time because he really helps me rise to the next level. Sometimes though, when something happens that disrupts what I want to do or spoils it makes it so hard to rise above it and just say WHY God WHY? She so wants to go to heaven, she is ready...why isn't God bringing her home? Then other day she was crying to hard that she wanted to die and my dear daughter told her that God didn't have her room ready. Yep, even my daughter tries to help.

Sometimes it's hard to swallow it and persevere through this...feeling selfish that it bothers me so much. My grandma deserves the best the world can offer!!! Hope I am treating her all right...trying my best, God knows my heart. He created it and cradles it in my pain, my agony, my despair. I am not super human, it takes a bit to feel God's peace sometimes... And I think that God doesn't get it...but I am reminded that he really does. He has suffered pain beyond what I could ever imagine!!

God's pain is to see the people he created break his commandments and go against what God tells us in the Bible!! From the beginning of time until this very moment in time!!! And on top of all of that God gave up his son...his ONLY son to suffer and die like a common criminal on the cross for ALL and EVERYBODY else in the world from then until this very moment. His son suffered...for what, he didn't do anything to deserve it...Did you read that? NOTHING!! His blood was shed for me and everybody else. I can not even think to understand the pain God was in...agony!! God gave up his son to give the rest of us eternal life if we just believe in him...that's it...you become a child of God, you have a Father who will comfort you in your worst pain...no matter what! Life will NOT be a walk in the park when you accept Christ into your life...but you will have a peace that you have never known before!!!

That peace comes to me when I cry out to God...and sometimes it's a lot especially when it has to do with my grandma. I have pain a lot and I ask God for peace a LOT!! And I am always so thankful for that peace!! And I know, really I know that God does know pain...I could NEVER imagine giving up one of my children to die for someone else to live. Unthinkable!!! God knows me and loves me even when I get angry or feel sorry for myself, and just get plain old crabby!!! And he has helped me through another spell of frustration...of feeling sorry for myself!! I will miss the rest of the week of VBS (Vacation Bible School) because my grandma doesn't seem to handle change well without me...so, hubby will take the three kids without me. (Okay, thinking about it brings tears to my eyes) My grandma won't suffer and my kids get to be with their daddy!! VBS is in the evening this year...which was going to be great for us!! And I know God will be with me giving me peace even through this period of pain!!! And I thank him for it!!!

Struggling...

Right now I am struggling with my children's schooling. I/we are trying to decide if homeschooling is what would work best for my/our kids. For days and days I have thought and thought and talked and talked about it. Praying about it...so many things run through my mind! One thing is for sure I want to do what God has chosen for them!

That being said...do I have the discipline to home school?

do I have the patience to teach?

do I have the creativity?

and do I have the ??????

With that being said...I have the desire to see my children succeed!

I have the desire to go the extra mile for them in any way!

I have the desire to encourage them in their school work!

best of all I have the desire to help them past any limits they have!!

There hasn't been any one curriculum that I have stumbled across...my kids need more help then typically developing kids. They need a firmer foundation then they have right now. But socialization is also very important to the children. So I have been thinking about letting them go to school for certain subjects or something similar to that. I have a friend from church who does that. So, I have to look into that option soon!

The internet is FULL of options, and even MANY many FREE things that will work for teaching. I have also collected a LOT of things from time to time to work with the kids on. But, none the less I have to keep praying about it. Hubby is with me and is strongly leaning towards the home school side of life. It's a tough decision...

Four...

Yep, the answer is four! The question is how many weeks has Srecko been home? All I can say is how time just FLIES by!!!!! It seems like he has been home so much longer then that. What's new? Well, answering questions in English...yes they are only a few word sentences, but answers in English none the less! He knows the routine here and is flexible if it changes. Much better then this mommy who hates a schedule change!!!

Favorite thing to say? "Monkey's eat bananas" Don't ask me why, he came up to me and said that and giggled like he told the world's funniest joke. Favorite food? Anything and that does include Brussels sprouts!!! LOVES water!! Did I say LOVES water? That is an understatement!!! Riding a bike, learning to swing, listening to the word of God, telling people to come and eat, playing with cousins, getting along with siblings

...and not getting along, but best of all is knowing that he has a family that he can say goodnight and good morning to every day!!

We are so blessed to have him in our lives! He is soft spoken...well, maybe not. He is learning to spread his wings, help in the kitchen, get his own water to drink, brush his teeth, and most everything and anything else he can do!! I still can't believe he is here!!

And there he is!!! :) Just took the picture! :) So sweet... ;)

Fire Works...

Well, today is July 4th, 2011. Thank you for all the men and women that have fought to keep our country safe and free!! We had an easy day today...the kids played and helped mommy and daddy with yard work. Daddy finished mowing and mommy planted shrubs and perennials...the planting took a long time! But it looks really nice!

You know in life you make choices that you may or may regret? Tonight was one I am still not sure about. Tonight we decided to wake the kids up to watch fireworks that they have going off in town. It's just 2.5 miles away, but the best part is we can see most of the fire works sitting on Jovan's bed!!! The kids were thrilled!!! Kristina had seen them before two years ago when she was in the hospital receiving iv antibiotics. They were going off all over in the city...Minneapolis.

When the fireworks were done, it was trips to the bathroom and back to bed! They are working on understanding why we celebrate the 4th. We are excited that our children and ourselves are able to celebrate being free, in the land of the brave!!! Thank you God!

Cystic Fibrosis...

Cystic Fibrosis is an inherited disease that effects the lungs, digestive system, and liver. To me I just think about what our lungs do for our body. Pushing air through the lungs to keep them clear of mucus build up and also aiding in the digestive process and so forth. A better and more medical explanation on the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation web site . It was the first place I went to do research about CF before we agreed to adopt Kristina.

Our daughter was born with Cystic Fibrosis and we adopted her one month and four days after she turned four. She was tiny and at the time of our adoption time she was getting so sick that I doubted she would make it home to the US or if she would need to go back into the hospital in her country. I was very scared for her. We met the staff that took care of her in the hospital, and one of the doctors knew Kristina's current doctor her in the US. It was a God thing!!! And they thought she would make it okay!

Anyway, we made it to the States and her doctor wanted to put her in the hospital and I BEGGED him to let us try to treat her at home. We did and a month and a half later her doctor declared her lungs MIRACULOUSLY clear!!! Who does miracles? God does!! We had faith that God would help Kristina... Kristina is not cured, CF is a basically a terminal condition. I do not think about that, I just enjoy her day by day. None of us know when we will die...it could be tomorrow?

You ask why would we adopt a child that may die young? Well, we knew that the medicine in the US would help her a great deal and prolong her life. For me, since about the age of six I have wanted to be a mother...and begged God for children!! I would tell him it was okay you could drop a baby on our doorstep I would be it's mother! And later after I married it was hard to see family and friends have children! But, I was ALWAYS so happy for them!!! Every year that I was getting older I thought it was never going to happen, I was never to become a mother. I knew that if God wanted me to I would know. I tried to get a grip on the fact that motherhood eluded me! When we adopted her we had trouble getting her visa to come to the US! I knew that she would die without treatment and without a visa we (Kristina and a parent) would have to stay in her country for two YEARS!! I prayed and asked God to save her, but if he chose not to I thanked him so much for allowing me to be a mother! I never asked God for a time frame of how long I wanted to be a mother, but to please I just wanted to be one and God answered my prayer!

Hubby and I started to think about adoption. We talked about it a LOT! Then we signed up with our county to maybe adopt kids in our foster care system. We did the home study and classes. But something was NOT right! It was hard to explain...God was closing that door. Then we talked about adopting internationally. Oh my, the funds that are needed to do that are absolutely ridiculous!!! Anyway, we got over that and we decided to go to Eastern Europe and adopt a little girl about 2. We started to get our dossier and such ready and the country we wanted to adopt from closed their doors to US families. Okay another closed door, literally!!

So, one day on a break at work I was looking through some saved websites and found a photo listing of Kristina. Oh my! Right away I started to do research about CF and found out that the hospital I worked at was accredited with the CF foundation!! Well, we committed to adopting Kristina and brought her home nine months later. (She had many more miraculous stories with her adoption as well!)

When you look at her, you would never know she has CF. If you look closely at her hands you can see a LOT of scar tissue build up from all the times in the hospital in her country. It is VERY hard to get blood because of that. Other then that she is awesome and healthy!! :)

Why am I telling you all of this? Well the reason is that there are 2 little (almost 2 and a three yr old) children with CF in an Eastern European country. They are healthy right now, but certainly without treatment they will die. Grim I know! Kristina's biological brother died because he had CF...he was a toddler when he died. So how can you help? I can get you in touch with a lady who is advocating for them and she can tell you more info about them. Having kids with CF takes a little bit of work...Kristina does her nebulizer and vest treatments twice a day in the morning and at night. Sometimes we have to do it more when she sounds like she needs it. The vest is a pressure system that vibrates and helps move the mucus around and away from her lungs...basically doing what healthy lungs would do. And she takes a few medications and a special vitamin. No biggie. She goes to the CF doctor four times a year to make sure she is healthy! Beats going into the hospital! Doesn't really cause her any problems other then having to get up a bit early for school.

If you don't want to adopt them you can always donate to help keep down the costs for the parents who commit to adopting them. If you can't do that then PLEASE pray for their health and the parents that God wants them to have! And I know that EVERYONE can pray! Love your kids that God blessed you with and think of those who need parents!!

Hi...

We have been home two weeks today! This may sound strange but it doesn't seem any harder to have three kids then two. Getting ready for church we were actually earlier then we usually are! That was weird! The only big thing that I have noticed is what Srecko eats! He was VERY picky while we were in country...coming home to the US he eats EVERYTHING! Oops, he does not like milk or plain sliced cheese. He eats and asks for second helpings. Makes me happy! He was not under weight...he and Kristina are five months apart and they weigh almost the same and Kristina is three inches taller.

Everyday I am thankful that I am a mom! Even when the kids are cooped up in the house due to rain and get a little wild! :) We have been practicing school which is great! He can't wait to go to school! The bus picks up Kristina and Jovan for summer school and he cries because he wants to go with! I tell him soon he can go!

Right now Kristina is helping Srecko spell his name! It's so cute!! We have been practicing that for awhile now!! Better go there is a severe thunderstorm coming and thunder shaking the house! Kids are freaking...daddy's got that covered!

Quick Note...

Wow, we have been home eleven days! Time flies! Things have been going GREAT! Srecko is doing so well, other then the new language he is learning it feels like he has been here for a very long time, if not forever. He is learning the alphabet and has the song almost perfectly! He is learning colors, numbers, counting to five so far and writing his letters...he LOVES to see his successes!! As do all children...his eyes light up like a bright shining star!

The boys love having a room together, they play really well and they are both ALL boys! :) Kristina plays with Srecko more in an organized way...she is a girl after all! So Srecko is enjoyed by both siblings. Other then white milk, he seems to enjoy mommy's cooking. Jovan doesn't like white milk either...oh Srecko doesn't like sliced cheese. We learned that while we were in his country.

Let's see, we went to church on Sunday and the kids sat with us. We let the kids color and read books during the sermon...Srecko sat with his eyes glued to our pastor like he was soaking everything in!! Or maybe he was letting the Holy Spirit wash over him. Pastor was talking about peace. Until you know God, will you have peace with God!

Being a mom is such a wonderful person to be!!!!! I love it, and you all can NOT believe how thankful to God I am that he has blessed me by making me a mom! Hearing my kids giggle, and even struggle together is music to my ears. Things that they say, sometimes what they do, watching them succeed, just everything about them I love!! Don't get me wrong, my kids are not perfect...after all they are just kids and are learning everyday!

We have plans to go visit parks, go camping, go to the zoo, and the splash park! ALL of my kids LOVE water so playing in water has top priority in their eyes!!! Today we are planning on surprising my mom for her birthday. She is camping and the kids would love to see her! So for supper we are headed to visit her. Now, I think we are going to do some outside chores and planting. Kristina and I will be picking rocks from a pile we dug at while my parents were having some work done on their house. Hot and heavy work...then some splashing in water. Don't worry, it is NOT forced labor...she works hard so willingly! She hauls brush, digs rocks, shovels dirt and snow, sweeps, and does household chores. I hope that I can help her continue that willing spirit for the rest of her life...what an awesome servant to God she would be! Jovan does all of those things...but he needs some encouragement! :) But that's okay we are learning that everyone was made differently and they don't all like the same things. :)

I feel like I am just rambling...so much in my head, it's just tumbling out! :) Enjoy your day!

Home Sweet Home...

We are home! Arrived after some glitches! Home is great and Srecko is fitting in and going with the flow! After a few of us getting up in the night for the storm...this family is NAPPING after lunch today! Catch up later! Thank you God for allowing us to get home safely!

News...

Boy, I have been SO very bad at blogging during this journey!!! I really blog in my head but I get too tired or busy to blog! Basically days 3-whatever number we are on have pretty much been the same.

Let's see...Highlights have been Srecko speaking some words in English, meeting some wonderful people that have meant something to our children, playing with other children in Srecko's group to make memories for him, falling down

hard on one knee and watched it swell before our

eyes!, having the best time with my hubby walking and looking at sights, and the biggest highlight is this...

Yep, he's ours!! Isn't he a cutie? This was taken the last day we visited him before the adoption ceremony! We are happy! God has moved many mountains to get us to this point right now! I promise that I will post, I have many pictures with stories! :) Praise God with us and the many obstacles that he has worked through for us!

Day 2/3...

Let' see day two we were very tired...it takes a lot out of you to land and the very next day start your adoption process. It would be good just to have an extra day to breathe. Anyway, thought someone might want to know. So we got up and got ready to go to the orphanage. We see him twice a day. Morning and later in the afternoon. It is nice to have a little time in between for resting or sight-seeing. Day 2 we rested, I was not really feeling the best...just plain icky. I took a nap the whole time between visits. Felt better and then not so good. Went to play with Srecko in the morning just fine. Kind of the same thing, bubbles, coloring and saying things in English. Afternoon visit was okay, but tough for me. Felt ill like feeling like I was getting the flu. We ended up not staying the whole time, the social worker told me to go and rest.

Well, we went home all right and boy was I feeling ill!! Like the loose my tummy kind, and sure enough that's what happened on my way up the stairs to our apt! Lost my lunch! After that I just went down hill and had a high fever that wouldn't go away!! After staying in bed for the day and my mom telling me to look for the good in what was happening I started to improve by evening! Thank you God!

And I was so blessed to be able to be healed as we were going to Srecko's school for the last day ceremony! Oh my, it was the best and of course it brought tears to my eyes! All three kids had a school something this year! K and J had plays they did and Srecko had his ceremony of sorts. We met his teacher that loved him so much!! And met other people as well, it was great!

In the afternoon with Srecko's visit we had a wonderful time outside...he has such an infectious giggle!! You can't but help laugh along with him! We walked home, we were on cloud nine!! Then we went to McDonald's for dinner! And for a walk after that! :) Bedtime was late to be able to talk to our kids about their last day of school. Then to bed...

Surprised?...

So many people have told me they were surprised that we are here with our son. Well, there was reason for that. Here in Serbia there was a mess (to say the least) that needed to be fixed before adoption rules/laws could be followed correctly!!! We have adopted from Serbia twice before using the help of a woman, and have now learned and understand what happened with her dishonest and criminal heart. We loved her and thought her to be a friend, someone who I thought really cared about us and our children. How do I really know... maybe she just wanted money. I won't go into that right now... Let's just say, we once were very supportive of her...not anymore. And this is a decision we made on our own, and let me tell you it was a tough one to make!

Now, I am surprised myself that I was able to keep quiet about us returning! But we really didn't for sure know we were coming until ONE week before we got here. Up until the week before we were waiting to hear if we would even be allowed to adopt him! So, when we got the email with the date to come I was in shock!! I had almost lost hope...mourning a loss!!!! It is a hard feeling to describe! After those thoughts ran through my mind, then the email came!! Then we shifted into high gear!! I had made many lists and had him partially packed from so long ago, so that wasn't such a big deal. A list can help in many ways...until you loose it! :) But we didn't do to bad at packing. A few things we (I) forgot to pack...no biggie!

Two days before we were to leave I started to not feel well! Some what like flu like but not quite, but I sure felt AWFUL! The day before we left I really doubted we would be able to make it. I begged for God to help me get over my sickness...so I would pack a little, lay down for a bit, pack a little and so on. Thank goodness the kids were in school! My house was not quite in the way I wanted it...but oh well, my family can handle everything!

The flight into Chicago was almost every negative adjective you can think of!! Scary, bumpy, fearful, and so on. Hope you understand! We were supposed to have an hour layover. No biggie can handle getting to the gate. Well, after we almost slide off the runway with us literally getting a hard turn to the right...like swerving to hit a pot hole in the road. We arrived at the terminal with NO NO NO chance of catching our flight!!! Oh, how I begged God to help us...I thought our world was turning upside down! Our God is so good, so strong and so mighty! Ya wanna know what happened? Do ya? Well, our gate to catch our flight to Germany was THREE gates away!! We could see the number even ahead of us! Praise and thank you God!

Okay, so we were some of the last people on the plane! On a VERY crowded plane! And get this...we were not even sitting together for almost an eight hour flight! I died, but thanks to God there was one whole empty seat on the plane and you want to know where it was? Got a clue? Yep, right next to me!! And we sat next to a lovely couple who were expecting their second child from Bosnia. And she spoke English! So every couple of hours either she or I would count down the hours until we got to Germany! It was a good flight.

We got into Serbia and to our apartment that we rented close to the orphanage to be able to walk most places we wanted to go. Yay! Each time we have come we have stayed in different apartments. This one is the smallest and most sparse. But as they say, location location location! :) It will be a little snug with our new son...but cozy is in right?

Now I will crowd together our flight into Serbia and our first day. We went to our MO meeting at promptly 10:00am. It was a great meeting! Comfortable and felt very honest and we were able to ask any question. This was not like before, we were told to not ask questions and not say anything. Well, we had a couple of questions and we were also able to tell a little bit about our already adopted children and what we thought our family would be like. They were all very happy for us and were genuinely interested in us and asked many questions about the children after the meeting! It was wonderful! Then....we got to go to the orphanage!!! They told us he told them to hurry up the meeting and bring his mama and tata to him! How sweet!

So, here he is!!! A little distracted to look at the camera though!!! Who could blame him waiting so long for his mama and tata!!! So many people to see him! We had to put on those lovely coverings! :) And we played with bubbles, cars, balls, and even looked at letter books. We stayed with him for a little over three hours that day. What fun!

We walked home and we were pinching ourselves that we were here again!! After changing clothes we decided to take a walk and get a few groceries. After all of that I got one MAJOR blister that I am still trying to heal at this point! :) Then tata made grilled cheese sandwiches and we called home and saw the children. Jovan told me not to let anyone take me! I about died...my poor son is so afraid I will not come back that even one week and one day later he is still telling me to come home in two minutes! Can't wait to tell him we are coming home!

Then we crashed and woke up to day TWO.

Adoption Update...

Need I say more?

Being honest...

Where to begin...this adoption of ours has gone on a LOT longer then I ever dreamed!!! Never ever did I think God's plan was to wait and persevere and learn so much about Him and what it means to trust and depend totally on Him!! At one point when I was totally being attacked I physically ran to my Bible!! Actually, it was my hubby's grandmother's Bible...it just fit so right and felt very comfortable. She has been gone for about ten years and she and I really never knew each other, but her Bible and all it's notes and highlighted passages were of great comfort to me as well as reading and clinging to the passages that I read.

Many things have happened with the adoption program where our little boy is and it has been hard to watch and wait while they figure it out. I did have a post about some of the issues, but when Blogger went down...the post disappeared. Anyway, it basically said that we no longer were supporting the person that had helped us for our other two adoptions. Which is/was a very hard decision to make.

Since making that decision we have found out that we are now waiting and have been waiting for approval from our little boy center of social work. See, we were told that we were already approved by them and they were waiting for us. Not true we were told...so we wait longer to wait and see if they even will approve us!! Can you imagine all this time we thought we were moving forward and moving along and find out our answer could be NO? How would you feel? And yes, I know all about God's timing and God's will because that is what we want but this just threw us for a HUGE loop!!

God has been working with us a couple and we are much stronger and depend so much more then we ever have before in our lives, so that is awesome for us!!

If it seems like I am complaining and not trusting God, maybe...a little. I am tired, we are tired of waiting. So we are not doing what God is calling us to do. Wait with perseverance and have hope in God...looking at a bed and dresser all ready for a little boy that has our hearts. We have known him just as long as our other two...we met all of them almost four years ago. In a few days it would be four years. He is the cutest determined little boy! So sweet and I can see him in my mind to this day. I don't need any pictures to tell you where his smile lines are and how his eyes light up with joy! How he walks and runs, yes I remember it all!

Being the emotional person I am (or have been told many times) have cried and begged God to protect him, hold him, give him peace and joy!! Keep his spirit bright!! Hubby and I both have!!

We trust God to take care of him as God created him and knows every tiny bit about him!! God knows even more then what I remember! :) So maybe soon we will hear something about moving forward and making plans to travel. Or grieve for our loss of a little boy that we felt God leading us to.

One more emotional thing...this person that helped us I thought cared about us and our children. I used to send pictures and information to this person thinking they were glad to get it. But now I am not sure...I don't know and feel somehow betrayed.

This is me just being honest with my feelings and things that are happening with our adoption. Pray for us as we wait out our fate and that of a little boy that we so much want to call son!

Why...

After I published that post and even now as I write this I still have pain in my heart from all of this! Did I need to blog and publish this? Some may say yes and others may say no. For so long I happily and gladly supported this person and encouraged others to do so as well. After all we had known each other for almost five years! I didn't have any reason to doubt this person's honestly or believe they could violate our trust.

And I did it publicly because I want others to know that it is very very wise not to be as naive as we were when pursuing an international adoption...no matter who it is! I have been told many times I am an emotional person...yes very true!! So I will always remember this person with a tiny bit of pain.

We can talk about forgiveness...and yes I have forgiven this person. It took a little bit, and lots of prayer because I got very upset at all of this mess and this person.

God forgives us and we are to forgive others...and all I can think about is how God wipes our sins away because he gave up His son to die for me (and of course everyone else in the world!)...why did he let he ONE and ONLY son die? So that if we believe in Him we shall live. So, how can I not forgive someone else? Thank you God for giving us your son and for always and forever forgiving us for all the wrong and many times we pain your heart! I am blessed and so thankful that I am loved even in the time of needing forgiveness. Everyone can have that same thing, all one must do is trust God and believe in Him!! It will not be easy...oh no way, life is not easy, but it can have peace!

Please pray for this person and all of the families involved, whether they experienced similar things to us or not. But because a lot has been said on all kinds of blogs and such, pray they will have peace whatever they may believe about this mess with us and others.

Cycles of life...

This picture is the cycle of life for butterflies. There are many changes that happen in it's cycle. I do believe that happens for all of us. I know that for me I have gone through many cycles on this journey of adopting our son. Good changes and not such good changes. But I am very thankful to God for everything I have learned to make it to this day at this very moment! So many many tears, so much time reading my Bible, and most and best of all spending so much time with my Abba Father!! Has God changed you...have you allowed Him to?

Psalm 5:2-4...

Verse 2 Hear my cry for help my King and my God, for you I pray.

Verse 3 In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you

and wait expectantly.

Verse 4 For you a not a God who is pleased with wickedness; with you, evil people are not welcome.

This is my verse and thoughts for today. I am laying requests before God and am waiting for Him to answer according to His will and desire for us.

A Verse...

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13

I claim this verse this morning! It was today's verse at BibleGateway.com! Thank you God for putting this verse right in front of me!! This morning I went to look for a verse with hope in it. Last night I found several but wanted to find more. So I went on BibleGateway and tada there it was! God is so good to me today and everyday!!!

You must praise God through EVERYTHING!