Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Mercy and Grace...

That is how I feel I have been treated with. Maybe even preserved with! My grandmother passed away 27 hours ago. That is 27 hours I have not heard her, helped her, fed her, dressed her, talked to her and lived with her. (Actually it has been a week now...been busy with many things.) She was an amazing woman...someone that I wanted to be like. Strong, stubborn, loving, caring, helpful, sweet, generous and just all around wonderful! (My hubby says I have some of those characteristics...not necessarily all the good ones!) That's okay I can say I got it from her!

I have posted about her in several posts...about persevering and caring for her. The love I had for my grandmother was like no other. Special to say the least!!

My grandmother passed away on Monday Novemeber 28th at home with me, my mom, my sister and my hubby! I watched her take her last breath. The two nights before she passed I was up every two hours checking on her and listening to her breathe. Sunday night as I was listening to her, (we had a baby monitor right by my head) I heard her breathing change. I panicked just a little and prayed to God...did I want to hear her last breath, or not? I begged God to be with me...and he was because I got calm and peaceful.

Monday the nurse and home health aide were coming. Last word I got was they couldn't come together...but guess what? God orchestrated the timing because they came together. They helped wash her up and turn her on her side as she was getting red in spots...well then her oxygen level got really low and we watched as she took her last breath.

I died right along with her...she left me! She really left me! Pain was indescribable!! I wanted to die with her...she left me!!! I miss her SO much!! Tears come as I continue to write this!!

But, as I shed tears I also have to rejoice in God's tender mercy and grace. She went so quickly and most of the family was there when she passed away. Hubby went to get the kids and they were able to say goodbye and wish her well. (She had already passed away at that point) We sang songs with her and I took pictures...Hubby and I have always told the kids that my grandmother would be moving into a room that God made and she would be living with Jesus.

The kids all had different reactions. Kristina was very somber and just looked and looked at her. Srecko could not understand why she did not take her stuff with her. I explained that Jesus would have all new things for we could give her things to people her in town that need them. And Jovan, well he said "this is sad, so very sad"...and started to cry. His whole little body just shook. Broke my heart! Then we reminded the kids that My grandmother was dancing with Jesus, and playing with him. And whatever sounded like fun! :)

My grandmother stayed at the house for six and a half hours before the mortuary got her. That was the best thing we could have ever done. She did not want a fuss made. All of her friends were gone and she just had family left we kind of had the "wake" at home. We had sandwiches and we were able to go into my grandmother's room and take our time and say goodbye. If we would have had the wake at the church or funeral home it would have been a much much shorter time to say goodbye. On Thursday we had her burial. It was cold but it was a nice service. Then most of the family went to my sister's after. Hubby and I headed home to get the kids off the bus.

The saddest part was the fact that my mom (my grandmother's only child) was not there. She was sitting in my dad's hospital room. My dad had day surgery...but had complications and had to be admitted. Praise God he came home yesterday after one week! I took pictures and my mom was glad! I am glad!

Praise God and I give all the glory to God for such a beautiful time with her passing away. I was terrified that the house would have death all over it...but God is so good to me. There is only peace and joy where there was once suffering and death!! And to have everyone able to come to our house and see her was amazingly wonderful! Praise God all over and over again for a peaceful passing away to heaven for my beloved grandmother!!!


Anonymous said...

Thinking of you! Miss you.

Trisha, Duane, and Family said...

Hi Tammy and Family...So sorry to hear about your Grandmother. I know she is now with the Lord and is glorifying His name with a perfect mind and body. Her suffering on this earth is behind her and she is with all her family. Life is so temporary, but now she will live for all eternity. Give me a call some time. I am leaving the 20th of December with Alexis for LA. Another surgery on her leg. This time both legs. Much love and we are praying for you all....Trisha