Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Well, that is a powerful word! Do we all know the meaning? The Bible says..to stay, serve, or attend to; to patiently anticipate... Okay, there is the p word! Patiently! But, guess what! I am good with that now. I have been quiet and PATIENTLY waiting for God to talk to me. He has and so much in fact that I can't even talk as fast as I am learning!
Calming is also happening with the patient part..can't explain it really! God is good! All the time God is good! No matter what! I can honestly say that! Peace...what is going to happen? I told friends today that it is almost more exciting to learn what God has to teach me then hearing about Jovan.
And speaking of Jovan, I got an email this morning that said that our motivation letter is with the ministry. Wow, wasn't expecting an email...too busy listening and having a blast talking to God! My goodness...we will see what God's will is. My mom prayed this morning and asked God to give him parents...well, we will just see what God does. Isn't it EXCITING!!! It's like a drama, and you are waiting for the ending on the end of your seat! My edge of the seat is getting worn out as is the actual seat waiting for God's will!!!!!
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Isaiah 25:1 (NIV) O Lord, you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done marvelous things, things planned long ago.
I have been thinking about all of my blessings that God has given me. Not just the good stuff...but also the lessons that I have learned! Sometimes we forget to praise and thank God..maybe asking instead of praising! The above verse made me realize that God has had my life planned out. Like He knew who I was, as he created me! :) My life will be laid out in front of me know matter how I choose to live. But, if all I want is to follow God...then I will be blessed. Not that I expect all the good stuff...but looking in my heart I want to serve God above all else!
With trusting God and waiting on the Lord, I am learning SO much!! My life is changing and it is so fun...stopping to think of my blessings! Getting excited to see what I can learn. Adopting John is a desire of my heart...how will God use my desire to glorify Him? Let me adopt?, and be able to tell people about two miracle children? Maybe? Maybe he will use my desire and show how not letting me have my desire He will also be glorified! How awesome is that. Wow, getting excited at how this plans out...Cool beans!
Now I am getting excited! People that know me, know that I am emotional...and I could just Shout to the Lord!! Waiting is getting fun...my mind is just blown away! What am I going to learn in the next day? next hour? next minute? next second?
So when you read this..think of your blessings, the last time you waited on the Lord. Did you get what you wanted? Did God teach you something? Were you thankful no matter what? Maybe you are waiting for something HUGE!! Like adopting, new job, a boy/girlfriend, your house to sell, money or anything else! Be thankful that you have God to trust in all He will do it according to His will and definitely His own time!
Well, better go and get things done...it's raining and Sesame Street is on..so I can be free! :) Kristina talking to Elmo! She LOVES him!!
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Well, I heard about Jovan today...I was told to be patient and believe in the doctor that is helping us. I told her that I did believe in her and also told her that I believed in God. (She knows that, but I keep telling her.) God will have the ultimate decision about our little boy. No matter what, I will trust God! He is always faithful! Some how it makes me just want to do things a little faster...and make sure I am doing things according to God's will most of all!
What lessons I am learning...making the wait so much more meaningful! I will be able to look back and be amazed at what I have learned! So thankful for that.
Better get going and get things done...and pray for God's will to be done! He can move the mountains...
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Okay, this post will be in all dark blue for my husband! I miss him! The old saying you don't miss something until it's gone! Well....I missed him while I was packing for him!
My husband is a kind and gentle man and the best dad any girl could ask for. My words just are so many when I think of him. Loving, funny, thoughtful, generous, sincere, kind, flexible, open minded, cute, kinda sexy... :), and best of all he loves God!!
I forgot to say that I prayed and asked God to fill my heart with His love...I couldn't stand waiting for a husband, and could He please take the desire away..then I asked God to bring me a man to be my husband...if it was God's will that I was to marry. Two weeks went by and then Dan transferred to our location...
Dan and I met nineteen years, one month and twenty three days ago. We met at a group home for delayed, disabled adults and older teens. He had transferred from another location. I avoided him like the plague!!!! (I was boy crazy since I could remember...and since he was the only single male....there had to be NO attachment!) Well, one night we got stuck working together...let's just say we only spoke when we had to. Well, then came time when everyone was in bed and we were doing the charting...a Vikings pre-season game was on. Then it happened...yep, we started talking.
On his birthday we went with two other married couples to see the movie Turner and Hooch. We sat next to each other. (A plan by the other couples!) During the movie there was a sad part and tears and sniffles followed. He patted my knee. My knee went warm...but I ignored it. I found out he was seeing someone else. Well a few weeks went by and we continued to talk..then I said, I didn't want to get to know him any better since he had a girlfriend. (Basically, it was her or me.) Guess who he chose?
One month to the day, he asked me to marry him. I said yes. Now mind you, we had not yet gone a date with just the two of us...and I did not tell him I loved him just yet. (That took a little while) But, I knew that he was supposed to be my husband. Weird, I know...that is God for you.
We got married five months later...and here we are today! Much in love and crazy! Or is that crazy with much love? I am so very thankful that God answered my prayer in two weeks after I gave my desire to be married up to Him! God is GOOD! Even if I was not married...that would have been God not me with that decision. I trust God! Always will not matter what!
Saturday, September 20, 2008
It's in pink because this week Kristina went to the doctors twice, then ended up in the hospital overnight last night. The doctor called it an asthma exacerbation. Coughing and coughing..they did her nebs around the clock! Dan stayed with her..he needs less beauty sleep. He wanted to, and it was okie dokie with me.
She got to come home at noon!! We did not go to IOWA with daddy and grandma because Kristina needs to have her nebs done every four hours and once in the middle of the night. I have to watch her heart rate...and her bouncing off the walls. All I want to do is rest! She is not a child who will sit still for a long time anyway. But hey, she is HOME with me and that is really all that matters!! God is good!! Having a blast with daddy
Doing her vest treatment....one of many
Her vest treatments are done between two and three times a day. God has given her the strength to endure them time after time. God is good! She never ever complains about it, I am sure because it feels good. I am so thankful to God that He truly has her in His heart and hand! Gotta go and fix supper...maybe soup, yeah...that's easy and good! :)
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
I know that having kids things happen, but man, stress follows. Kristina is sick. She seemed to get sick overnight! Cough, runny nose, colored flem, and a fever. No big deal right? Maybe, but with her...it's calls to the doctor and find out when to bring her in...
With Kristina having Cystic Fibrosis, it makes for a little more stress. God has her, I know, it just really makes me a little more ???? crazy maybe? Fluids, rest, and love. Right, anyone know how to keep down a five year old that gets hyped from her neb treatment? She does have a doctors appointment tomorrow to make sure everything is okay. Funny...on Monday, she was fine when she went to her CF doctor. I never had to get up in the night like an infant requires, but tonight I have to set my alarm for every two hours to check her breathing, and if she needs to use her nebulizer, then to do it. And if she is responding to that treatment, to take her to the ER. We will pray for peace and healing! God is good!!
Needless to say, she and I will not be going to Iowa. Her grandmother is bummed, but she will be spending Friday with us. Kristina well. Maybe a mother daughter weekend! Sounds like fun...think its to early in her life for painted toes? No piercing or tattoos allowed!! We will have fun no matter what we do! Stay tuned!
That is my daughter!! She is truly a gift from God!! Just a few things about her...then her story will come later. She is outside playing right now...so I have a few minutes. Kristina was adopted one year four months and twelve days ago. She was born in Eastern Europe. God was truly in charge of her adoption!
We are so very blessed to have her...she is quite the unique child. Loving, gentle, sweet, smart, and so full of life! Now for the other side! She loves to get dirty and collect bugs! ICK!! Yesterday she was calling fo me...I went to the window, and there she was holding a bug! Here is the funny part, she can't stand bugs if they are in the house or car. She just freaks! Don't quite understand that one! :)
English is coming along for her...some of her first words were: mommy, daddy, puppy, Jesus, eat, potty. She speaks so much more...everyday is amazing listening to her! She even told me that Jesus was at home a few months after we got home. I was stunned..I asked her where Jesus was at home? She said in her heart. We did not go over that so much that it would have stuck out at her...or so I thought. It was basically out of the blue one night getting ready for bed. We have been really giving her more and more to chew on about God. She mentions things from time to time that blow me away.
So, she is truly a gift from God! I love her to peices!! Some days I still can't believe she is here! To be given such a gift...WOW!! More and more can be said about her, but I have things to do. Grandma is coming and a few things need to get done! :)
What is time? Whose time? Your time? My daughter's time? My mother or father's time? My sibling's time? My husband's time? My time?
NO!!!!! God's Time!!!! That's whose time!!
I have been struggling with that! Not listening to my husband when he kept telling me that it is God who will decide if/when we will adopt. I finally listened this weekend! It hit me like a sharp rock! Thanks God!! Then again on Sunday, our pastor said the same thing in his sermon! Thanks again God! Got the message! Praise God for his love and patience!!!!!
So many things to learn...and I am so old! :) It has actually been quite a calming last few days...realizing that this whole adoption process is in God's time. We are doing a lot of things to keep busy and waiting for God. We are going to take Kristina on her first out of state trip. Okay, so we are only going to Iowa...but hey its out of state! And we are going with her grandmother that lives in Arizona. Good times! Next weekend mommy and daddy are going to a marriage like seminar at church. It is Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage. We always try to do things like that whether we need them or not. And to laugh along with my hubby..how cool! Or is it to laugh at him? Just kidding! :)
ALL and EVERYTHING I have ever needed is God!! The things that I do have are a HUGE!!! blessing!! I am truly am satisfied with my life and everything in it! It's not that I am looking for more excitement and feel the need to adopt. Besides the fact that I fell in love with him the first moment that I held him, I want to teach him about God! And how AWESOME He is!! God gave him life, and is holding him in his arms! Our son is protected by his true and loving Father! Can anyone understand this rambling? There are so many things going on in my head! Listening to God and keeping the faith to keep listening and trusting God!
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
It has been a few days since posting...been thinking about a lot! Today, I decided to see how creative I could be with this blog. I am not a very computer savvy person..but think it will go okay.
We still have not heard anything about our adoption...but I have heard lots from God! Will post about that later. Have many things to do...
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
The Bible's definition of the above is...to stay, serve, or attend to; to patiently anticipate. Verses that jump out and help me are in the NIV version.
Psalm 130:5 I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope.Romans 8:23-25 Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen, is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
To be honest, waiting is not easy for me. But then, think about it...God has to wait for us time and time again for us to follow and trust Him. For everything! And for all the people that yet have to come to know Him. Pray, pray, and pray some more. I think that waiting is one of the hardest thing to do! But we must and trust God. Like my first post said...God is good, because His answer will be what is right!
I have been thinking a lot about life, and what to do. My answer is to wait and do what the Holy Spirit directs me to do. That is what I am doing..also getting my i's dotted and t's crossed. It feels good to get things organized. Some of you know that is not one of my strong suits either. :) But it sure feels good when I look back and see my path of organization. Wow!!
Right now I am listening to music that I listened to over and over and over again waiting for our
Kristina. It is a CD by Allen Asbury. Wait Upon The Lord. Ask my former co-workers, they will tell you! It really helped me focus on God and moved my beyond my own will. I used to "drive the bus", "put the cart ahead of the horse", and so on and so on. Now, I am good about sitting in the back of the bus...waiting for my stop. :)
This has helped me think about being glad that I do not have to drive the bus and be in control. I have more time and energy to help and serve others! Boy, kinda sounds like a mini sermon. I know that there a lot more people waiting all over the world...we are not alone!
Sometimes our prayers get answered right away others take years and years! My prayer to become a mother took 35 years! I have wanted to become a mom since I was 5 years old. As a young child and growing up I wanted a baby to land on our doorstep for me to raise. Oh brother...it was true. I became a mom 12 days before I turned 40. Praying for my husband...giving that up to God took two weeks. We met..went on a group date..then a month after that he asked me to marry him, five months later we were married. We have been married 18 years, 4 months, and 5 days. That pretty much sums up my life...you never know when God will answer, so wait...wait with a glad trusting heart. Mothers know what is best for their children, but GOD knows even better.
I still want to tell about adopting our first butterfly..but that will have to wait. My need to organize is a little more pressing! :) Maybe I will post again tonight. Stay tuned.
Saturday, September 6, 2008
No really, fire!! Our next door neighbors have/had a HUGE fire going!! I think it was supposed to be a bonfire type one. Most of you know that we live out of town (okay just a smidge), and nothing really exciting happens here. Well, maybe getting dive bombed by birds, but even that is getting old now. The sheriff and two fire trucks came along with the volunteer fire fighters...my oh my! SCARY, it freaked me out!!
Well, I have been thinking about my next post.. no, this wasn't it. Talking to God and really soul searching...Anyway, along with that post I will try to add pictures.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
I have decided to start my blog today, after much thought of what I would say. This blog is about our desire to catch another butterfly. And also to add on things about our first butterfly, Kristina. After many hours and hours of crying and praying we are ready to hold the net. If it is God's will that he bless us with another child, we would be thrilled to peices! The reason that I wrote God is good.... is because today, once again, I realized that God is good! Whether we adopt again or not, that is God's choice for us. That is what we and many other people have been praying for..God's will be done. He can fill us with peace that he is not ours or grant us with much love for our newest child. And that is why God is good ALL the time.
If it is not God's will that we catch another butterfly..then this blog will be about our first butterfly, Kristina. But right now I will be bloggin' about filling our net again. Here is what I wrote about him on the sixteenth day of our daughter's adoption. Some of you have read this before.
I stood there with Jovan looking out the window..he was so happy! Then I started to sing to him..he melted in my arms! I don't sing well at all..but God gave me a voice that reached Jovan.. I sang Jesus loves me and a couple of other kid’s songs. I prayed hard for Jovan..I asked God to help his spirit and keep him from a horrible life that he could have. I told Jovan in his ear that Jesus loved him and God made him for a reason, we don't know why...but for some reason and he was loved!! He was so peaceful. He has a little excited wild side as well!! Loves glasses..He does not speak..but he has a strong spirit and grip!! Please pray for him..I just feel that everyone needs to pray for him!! Pray for his spirit, and his life, that God would spare it from the hell he will have to go to if no one takes him as a son! I know they all need homes..but please pray for him!
I have begged God for parents for him! It was unclear if we were those parents or not. When I left him, it was like leaving my son. My heart was breaking and yet we were bringing our first child home! I was thrilled to death to be a mom! Waiting for that day was very painful, watching family and friends have children...and yet why not me God? I have been a mom for one year and four months, but who is counting? For the last several months he has been on my mind more then ever...my heart was starting to ache and ache. God had to hold him as I can not! I told many people about him..maybe they would be his parents? Who knew? God does! So, I finally asked about him..was he alright, does he have parents? And I was told he was fine and that I would not believe how well he was doing! I said yes I would because I have been praying and praying for him. It was expressed that he deserved parents. Well, it took all of um...one day to say we wanted him. So here we go...depending on God and walking through the doors he opens, praying all the time.
Now to tell you about Jovan, he will be turning six in a few days. Cute as a bugs ear! Love him to death! A smile that would melt anyone's heart. A laugh like a whisper. A cry that saddens you..and I would be glad to call him my son. I was having a hard time today...until I thought about how good God was to me. Wanting to hear some news one way or the other. If it's bad, then get it over with. But, thankfully God doesn't work that way...it's in His time! I told my mom that Kristina's adoption was like knowing I was having a baby, but unsure of the due date. And Jovan's is like waiting to find out if the stick is going to be blue. Or maybe is it a plus or minus? I don't know what other kinds of tests there are...but you get my point.
I will end my first post here...there are still many things I want to add to it. All the fun stuff...And fundraising ideas, but have to wait and see if we need to do that. I added a clock so that all of you can see what time it is in Jovan's world.