Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Blue and Pink...

I think those colors together make purple. The last couple of days I have been thinking about both of my children. I read a post today by someone who is leaving her daughter that she has had less then two years and going to meet and bring home another. The feelings she expressed were very similar to my own.

So I have been emotional..crying..telling myself to quit and focus on the joys of my life. My daughter I do believe, we are leaving behind..she so wants to go with! She has treatments to do..kinda mistake proof to do..but what happens if she sounds "funny"? Will my family know if she sounds funny..to up her treatments? She comes with a "backpack" of medical things. My parents are most likely the ones who will watch her because my mom can juggle her work schedule and my dad is home.

My sister is literally five minutes away..so that helps a lot. As I write this my heart aches..because I know on the other side of this is our son. Who does not know yet what it is to have a family..and that is what we are bringing him to. Our second child, wow..I feel like throwing up..too many emotions right now.

In my mind I am having a hard time comprehending that..finally! My sister said what if you were pregnant right now..you would still have the same issues if you were in the hospital as a high risk pregnancy. The responsibility that we are giving our family..not to mention the care of Calvin and Cooper..on top of my grandmother..oh my.

I know some families have many more children..even some with disabilities..how in the world do you do it? And listen to me, and I have a few months left. UGH!! Maybe it's the weather..it has been gloomy and COLD for June. 50's for the HIGHS and we are in the middle of the state..not up by Canada! :)

Maybe I need a plan..I have been slow at getting his room ready..I planned to have it done in a weekend, and move on to the next project..but no because I am dragging my feet. I think it is because I am scared that God is going to say no in the end and I will have put the cart ahead of the horse by decorating his room. That I think is the biggest reason. Then there is that voice that says..get it done, be ready for another beautiful gift from God! I know I need to let go and let God handle this..maybe I will hurry and finish. In the end what God chooses to do will be His will and that is what I want...

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