Shock...

How do you describe and explain something that literally takes your breathe away? To me it would be SHOCK!! And to be so thankful to someone that you sob? Then how do you thank a person that you do not know? All of those things happened to me today as I checked the mail.

I am talking about receiving one thousand dollars in the mail, given anonymously. I could not breathe! Because it was given that way...I wanted the person to know that we received it. And to thank them from every fiber of my being!! When I called Dan, he was also stunned..he kept repeating "no way","no way", "no way".... Then of course I called my mom...I was crying so hard she thought that something was wrong.. We prayed for that person and thanked God for them over and over.

For me that was way beyond being kind, thoughtful, generous, caring, and any and every other positive adjective there is!! No, I am not sappy...just so thankful and grateful! It was stunning for me..and I can hardly handle the envelope.

Just this morning I was thinking about raising money, and remembered about applying for grants to help out. That was in my list to do today..and God brought our first grant! :)

God works on His time...His timetable is not like American time...FAST. Well, sometimes it is. He can see the whole situation, way beyond what we can see. While wanting to adopt Kristina we had NO idea the timeline. We just kept asking God to direct our feet. Yes, we could hardly stand the wait...Her adoption took nine and a half months. My mom said that a normal pregnancy lasts nine months..did I want to deliver early? Then we were waiting for her visa...FAITH! And to be honest I have been waiting for John for a LONG time. I met him on May 23rd 2007. Held him for the first time on May 30th 2007. Then fell in love with him on June 4th 2007. That is one year, four months, and twenty-four days!! Guess, then I am a little over due! :)

My mother called to ask how I was feeling...and she said that she could not believe that the person would think enough about John to give the money. Then she said wait, that means she was going to be a grandmother again. She was so excited! As am I...but to be a mother again..how incredible!

I am going to end this by praising God!!! God is an awesome and gracious God. By the way, John's name means gracious!! Thank you again!!

Boys....

We heard news on Jovan... The Ministry officials now know we are interested in him. We expect to hear for sure in a few weeks. That is using the "p" word again. Patiently!! But that is okay with me. Jovan's Center for Social Work already knows about our intent.. Kinda feels weird...and I can't even remember these steps with Kristina..maybe because they happened so fast. Or I was in a state of shock?

I can not wait for families waiting to go very soon!! It would be so awesome in time for Christmas!! They are in my thoughts and prayers often! Isn't it exciting! So cool!

When I said boys, it was because Calvin wouldn't let me put him down. Smushing himself like glue to to me. Wanting to be held! I went to the doctor and got put on an antibiotic. Maybe he missed me? Anyway...he wants hi mommy and his mommy wants to rest...so he can smush me all he wants! :)

News...

We got an email that told us that Monday we may know something....so hard not to get excited...it is a new Ministry official, so who knows? God does!! If they say yes then I think we would be the only family that has been able to go back. I have been praying for the families that are waiting...and for God to show the Ministry officials that it is okay for everyone to adopt. It is in the best interest of the children. That has been my prayer since getting ready to adopt the first time.

I am nauseated... And a wee bit emotional.. it's like I am so close yet so far away! I have met this little boy and held him, loved on him, kissed him, laughed with him, played with him, sang to him, and thanked God for him! God's will be done!! Please let God's will be done. I have to remember that God loves him too... Shedding a few tears....

Thinking...

I was still going through old emails...found some of a child that we really thought we were bringing home..waiting for Kristina. We fell in love with him. John was not in the picture yet. Anyway, waiting was difficult, I put the cart ahead of the horse and bought some clothes, painted his room, got bedding, and did some wall art for him. Everything was ready..then the glitch happened. I got a little sad as I read those emails..I was so sure it was him. But of course God knows better then I do!! :)

The whole time during out adoption process was an up and down adventure! Trying not to stress waiting for emails, keeping busy with our dossier stuff and remodeling our house... Getting Kristina seemed so surreal..of course I cried and thanked God!! Then we had major re-decorating to do. One of my sisters helped me re-do the room that I did for our boy that we thought was coming....

It was now ready for our little Kristina. The mirror belonged to my mother..she got it at the same age that Kristina was. My mom came to America at the same age as well. Kinda weird. We worked on the picket fence forever. I like to paint..walls not decorative stuff. But I think it turned out okay...we just had a couple of weeks to get it together...(we were not fast!) All the flowers were painted by hand and they were all over the bedroom. We used stencils for the butterflies and bugs.. :)

I am thankful all the time that God is in control...I finally can sit back in His arms and rest in HIM!!! Woo HOO Our time will come with the decision for John. I cried yesterday because I really want him!! Then I tried to get busy with other things...re-arranging cupboards, and I colored my hair yesterday...

Nothing that ambitious today...lots of school activites and menu planning... :)

Getting organized....

Well, getting stuff cleaned out from Kristina's adoption paperwork, to fill it up with Jovan's. Haven't heard anything, but tonight while we were eating supper, our daughter announced that Jovan was coming here. We said what, how is he coming? She said God and Jesus. Okay...who can argue with that? Sometimes she says chuckle moments like that.

We had a pink binder for her and now have a blue binder for him. I am such a nut that I have saved every email that we have regarding the adoptions. Tonight I found an old file with some of them...boy does that bring back memories! :)

Can I just say...God is GOOD!! It feels good to have peace..to relax..to be thankful..and to have fun!

Thoughts...

Been thinking a lot lately on a variety of subjects! One that has been recent is, how ever do people manage with many kids when mom is sick? Blows my mind! I am under the weather with a big cold...and of course can't pull over and park. I am a little more paranoid with germs because of Kristina and not trying to share my germs!

I have been thinking about my responsibility to vote...wow! Here's a verse from Exodus 18:21
But select capable men from all the people-men who fear God, trustworthy men who hate dishonest gain-and appoint them as officials over thousands, hundreds, fifties, and tens. (NIV)
Big verse..one to ponder very hard!

Another thought is about John, of course..I was talking to someone after church the other day, and I asked why would I have connected with him and fallen in LOVE with him? There were SO many other kids that I saw...a lot of babies, which I love! But, none of them hit me like my John did. Why...I know that is a silly question..but it blows my mind! When I sit and think of all that he may need..well, it's like okay one thing at a time. Financially, it is huge to think about the funds, but God is in this and he will guide our steps. And if for some reason that God's will not to have him in our home...then that little boy will have prayers for a life time!! And don't forget love. Unfortunately, lots of people have lost their children..and that is how I would feel about our little John.

Thinking about more ways to show my spouse that I truly love him. I think he has been feeling a little out of sorts...I would give him the moon if I could! (He is truly nuts about Space and NASA) So that would be huge! :) Making his favorite food..he is dieting. :) Hum...still thinking about that one. I love him to pieces!! I have for eighteen years, five months, and sixteen days!

Thought about God giving up his son...I can't grasp that. I can, but thinking about giving up my child just blows me away! And he did that so we who believe can live! How awesome is that? Well, on that note I will sign off!

Hectic...

Boy, I haven't posted in a few days. It has been so hectic since Sunday. (Can't remember what we did on Saturday to save my life!) Sunday, Dan worked sound for church both services. Since going to our church it was the first time in two years, five months, and one week that we didn't sit together. Weird! We have a six week sermon series that started based on the movie Fireproof. Anyway, I was in the Nursery second service. Kristina was in there with me and had a blast. We only had three babies...

I took a nap after church...gave up on the Vikings. I only use them as nap time. My dad made our traditional Sunday night pizza..it was awesome!! Then at about twenty after eight...my baby ripped his nail down to past his quick...ick! BLOOD dripping... He screamed and cried! I thought I was going to die! Well, our other baby stuck to me like glue with his tail between his legs. Calvin got the owie and Cooper was the velcro!

This is Calvin Michael!

This is Cooper Maxwell!

Aren't they the cutest? They both are Dashchunds. Calvin is a husky minuture at eleven and a half pounds. Cooper is a tweenie at fifteen pounds. Oops...forgot Calvin had a birthday yesterday! He is five. Cooper's b-day is in ten days and he will be four.

Well, the other day my grandmother fell and really bruised her wrist...took her to the Dr today and it was not broken! Thank you God!! This week my grandmother and Kristina made perogies. And then I made a huge pot of cabbage rolls! Kinda a Ukrainian menu this week. Just missed the Kapusta and Borcht. YUMMMY

This week just flew by!! Had something happen that really shook me...was at first so hard to thank God that I was allowed to go through this experience. Granted..took me a day to really get comfortable resting in God's arms again..don't know what will happen with this situation but, I will get through it with GOD'S help. Cuz, man I would have died if I didn't know Christ!

Enough of that...it's not about the adoption...but somehow seems just so far off, but I am not giving up and praying for our little boy. We do expect to hear something soon, at least that is what we were told. I would love to know his size...he was so little when I last held him. Almost like a size 2T. And he turned six at the begining of September. He will shoot up when he gets to the US.

Well. gotta go...we are going to my parents for dessert. Left over cabbage rolls were on the menu this evening. MMMM MMM good! Oh, Calvin is much better..he had surgery on Tuesday to remove his nail. My grandmother is also better.

When you least expect it...

What do you think when you hear those words? Scary? Excitement? Sadness? Glee? Fear? Well. today I thought wow, I was grown up. Times change...parents helping kids and now it is kids helping parents. I was a my parent's house one last time before winter. (They just live up the road!) :) We worked in the garden..pulling up, moving, and finally tilling the garden. Oh, and cleaning off my dad's pride and joy the garden tiller. The Asian Beetles were insane! I still feel like they are crawling and biting on me! ICKY!!

Well, I was working outside and full of bug guts and dirt...and then eventually manure! Oh, joy! Some of you may know that this was NOT like me when I was growing up! I always BEGGED for the easy or inside chores! Maybe that's why I love to clean bathrooms? :) I was out there working and thought..when did I change? When I grew up! When exactly was that? Can't remember, but it sure feels good! Not caring that I smelled...although my mother did when she got next to me! And being real and just me! I can't explain it..

Would you believe I was talking to God and I asked Him for a "sign". Don't really know if God does that per say, but I did it anyway. I found another Wooly Mammoth caterpiller! Again after being so rough in the garden....my dad almost ran him over...while I was getting a shovel to move him to safer ground! See caterpillers turn into butterflies! Maybe that is the stage we are with this adoption of John.

Where on earth have you seen me start each paragraph with a W? I did it! Check it out! I am so happy...I got to help my folks and now I am "blogging" about who knows what? And I am listening to the CD that I listened to when we were adopting Kristina.

Who am I listening to again? Allen Asbury I am so surprised it still plays... Thanks Debbie! Can't wait to turn up my song! The funny thing is that my husband borrowed it and couldn't find it..right before the trip!!! Still couldn't find it..and tonight he brought it to me!! My alone time...listening to the song and to talk to God as well!!!

Words of wisdom usually come from people who are older...but my mom asked me today if I would be "able to handle him?" "He doesn't walk" And I said so...then I told her that anytime I could get cancer.. my own limbs amputated... God knows what will happen!! She knows this.. I think that she sometimes (worries) thinks about me! :)

Wise women know that it is time to end this as I need to get myself together and clothes to iron for church tomorrow... Dan is doing sound and I am in the nursery. I love it!! Playing with the babies is so much fun!! Then I get to give them back! :) Just kidding! LOVE being in there...letting the parents know that they can go praise God and know their children are fine!

Wonders never cease...I am still here! I just wanted to thank everyone who is reading this, and hope that you sometimes get a little love from me!! My heart melts and my tears flow for someone who reads this from home a plane ride away! A long car ride to get to the plane at that! See, I miss her very much and wish she was just "down the road"! I love you!

Whisper sweet nothings...I am gone!! :)

Kristina... Her Gotcha Day

Okay, I know you are beginning to get the picture when I pick colors to write with! I am having a tough day today. No, it does not having anything to do with our adoption. Actually, kinda scary when I wrote that...Weird. Anyway, I wanted to focus on something positive...so I will tell about our daughter's arrival into our world.

Some of you may know it, so you can speed read. Our desire to adopt started many years ago. I had always wanted a little Ukrainian "Annamaria" after my mother and grandmother. I had to have her! So we started the process, then got cold feet. Don't ask me why? Anyway, we finally found all the agencies that we needed and started on our dossier. Then there was the mess with the post adoption reports in Ukraine and they stopped accepting dossiers. Great! Guess that was God telling me NO! Okay, got it. Weird feeling though!

Well, shortly there after I started deleting my Ukraine favorites on my computer. And I came across this website. http://www.untilallhavehomes.org/ Had no clue how that got on my computer. It is a special needs website. Well, that was okay because Dan and I were working in a group home when we met. We had talked about adopting special needs even before we were married. It was just a right fit for us. Anyway, looked on the site...asked about a little girl with a heart condition. That wasn't right for us. Then there was this little girl...she just was it. She was three years and three months old. My goodness. Emailed Dan right away and asked him what he thought. Then of course I asked my mom what she thought. Dan said yes. My mom said that she would pray. So, I inquired about her. I was so nervous! Felt so nauseous!! Funny, cause that happened at ever step we took towards adopting her. (oh cried lots too!)

Anyway, I was put in touch with the woman handling the adoptions. Scary...nervous, wanted to throw up. She gave me lots of info. She asked if we could handle her CF. For some reason we said , sure no problem. I had done lots of research before we wanted to adopt her. The hospital I worked at, is nationally accredited with the CF foundation. Cool beans! Natural fit! So off we went.

Kristina was not legally available for adoption. Okay, well we would wait..I didn't care how long we wanted her. A few months went by and we were asked if we wanted to "look" at any other children. Saw the cutest kids with Downs Syndrome. My husband fell in love with one. (He has since been adopted) We decided to proceed with this little boy. He was adorable..something about his face. Well, we were moving along, then there was a glitch in his paperwork. It was tied up.

Okay, a few weeks pass and we were asked about a sibling set. Well, maybe these children are who we were supposed to adopt. God knew and we were taking the steps towards adopting. Not that we fickle...just going along. The paperwork was going so smooth, and I kept thinking is this right? Can I really handle two at the same time? We kept praying, and my mom kept praying for God's heart and hand to come home to us. Everything was going great. Then came the glitch..waiting for it weren't you? There was one more report..the person was sick and it would be done the next day. Well, no problem..it was just one more day. (They got parents, by the way!) God is so good!!

My husband was getting good at getting the feeling there was an email. I thought he was nuts! And sure enough, we got an email that said she was legally free for adoption and did we still want her? Um... YES!! So, then we had to wait a little longer...families were ahead of us, okay. Then we got the travel date. Now , remember I was still wanting to throw up! So, we got our tickets and such and we were on our way. I wanted to throw up so bad on the way to the airport! My friend told me to eat a banana. I did and begged God to give me peace. The plane rides were just fine. Too crunched for my hubby's knees..but okay for me! :)

We landed in Europe...guess what, I forgot the piece of paper that had all of our important phone numbers. There was a nice guy with his family that said they could take us to a hotel until we figured out where we needed to be...and after that our journey continued... More some other day.

Better go, Kristina is not happy because she can not go outside...it is very windy!!! And the cold kinda bit right through you...still kinda careful on what she is breathing in. So, I am going to put her to work! Get her mind off of her troubles! Here goes.

Blue again...

I was reminded again what John's name means...God is gracious! My sister asked me how could his adoption be any greater in a testimony then Kristina's was. And I said well, two things came right to mind. One, we would be able to go back a second time. (We would be the first family to do that.) Second, we have a lot more money to raise this time. Then she said wow, I was right. Yep, God is a gracious, loving God! He will take care of my little John!

It is a great reminder...God is in control! You think it's fun to play the what if...but God knows EVERYTHING..blows my mind! He knows how many time John has breathed, times he has smiled, times he has cried, times that he has hurt, and times he has laughed. We will never know that...we will be his parents, but John first had a Father! He will know his Father...maybe one of his first words will be Jesus, like Kristina said. Wouldn't that be cool! Okay, that last part made me kinda sappy, but so true!!

Well, better get off to bed, the alarm goes off mighty early around here, and I spent time with my mom and sister at our Super Target opening tonight. What a fun time... so huge! And I love it! Actually, got some Christmas ideas..to make! Yeah!

Blue...

Guess what this post is about? Yep, that would be John. I got an email this afternoon and things are progressing. We may know something for sure in a few weeks. Then possible travel date would be March or April. That is exactly what we were thinking ourselves. Looked into airfare already..so we have that idea for $$.

It's funny, wasn't expecting anything. I do know that I am to continue to work towards this adoption. That is what is coming through my study in God's word. We need to make sure we have everything going the way God wants them! Because how can our light shine before others if we are not shining on the inside.

We are excited...and waiting patiently. There is only one person doing adoptions and it sometimes takes a little while to hear news. I know she is working hard for us and others, I told her that we will wait... Last year, I didn't wait so well! :( I have such a peace and I am taking action not sitting and waiting for things to drop in my lap.

I will hopefully have some things online to start my raffles with. That is my project this weekend. It will be icky out..so that will keep us indoors. Kinda of excited about doing that, in time for Christmas.

For us, we are praying for God's will and have been asking others to do the same. And if the answer turns out to be NO, then to comfort and give us peace. Thanks

Working Hard!

This posting will be in pink for guess who? You guessed it! My gift from God!! I am so blessed, she is the best! She is so helpful, bubbly, caring, funny, gentle, and best of all loves God! Actually, Jesus was one of her first English words!

Tell you all a little story... One day about nine months ago we were talking about Jesus. She told me Jesus was at home. (I am thinking what?) I asked her where Jesus at home, and she said in her heart. Blew me away! Then I realized that God made her and I know that she radiates His love! It's unbelievable! It reminds me what a gift I have...even sometimes when she needs to be disciplined. (Sometimes I forget though) That is going to be my goal...to every time she needs a little adjusting...then remember God is in her. Wow!

Today she already has worked hard...she made some of her breakfast. Peanut butter and jelly toast. Mind you they can NOT touch! She does NOT like a pb and j sandwich! She has been making toast for months! We have a cool sided toaster..so it does not get hot. I took pictures this morning...cause I LOVE her and needed more pictures for an album. (I have not started yet)

She is enjoying the fruits of her labor! Something I am going to do. My labor took nine and a half months! Oh boy, was it hard! Maybe I will tell an abreviated version sometime! It really proves that God is in control! No matter what we think or feel! I am over my broken heart...but I do miss my little John. He is in God's control...in His time! And I love Him for that!

It is raining here today...so mommy has to find lots of indoor activities! Maybe bake daddy some cookies! Everybody have a good day today! Remember God is an awesome God! All the time, even when you blue!! :)

Broken Heart...


Drama title isn't it? Today I could not think about John without tearing up. In church our sermon was on healing a broken heart...tried so hard to get over it. Maybe, because I was so tired. When you don't sleep so well and dream...you're in for it. My dream was kinda weird, but the part right before I woke up was I was holding John in my arms. I cried when I woke up...I told God that He knows I really want that little boy! But I also told Him that I totally want His will to be done! Then it started...maybe this was the beginning of hearing the answer "no". Okay, that is what I prayed for..an answer. Peace...well not exactly..not yet. I fought with myself all morning. God has John in His hands...best place in the world to be! I would miss him and mourn for him...but God has him, better then I could ever do!

Yesterday, we were at my parents doing some winterizing. My grandmother and Kristina were a hoot to watch together.Aren't they the cutest? They both really worked HARD! It was a fun time making memories! Gotta run...Monday is coming!

October 3, 2008

We are back to blue again because I am going to talk about my wonderful husband!! I LOVE him!! :) LOTS!! Well, it has been nineteen years since he asked me to marry him! Actually, in about an hour and a half it will be! Boy, was I stunned! Although, it only took me like two minutes to answer...I was stunned! Never forget that moment! Oh, boy! :)

God answered my prayer very quickly! I am very blessed and thankful to God for him! I know I have said that before..but it is true!! I miss my husband when he is at work...love to hear him breathe, watch him play with our daughter, and I could go on and on!

I really never thought I would get a husband! It seemed that it was happening to everyone else but me...oh poor me! :) I was sure that my desire of wanting a husband and family was greater then anyone elses! What a nutcase! :) So, then I gave it to God...boy, he sure knows what I needed!! Oh, by the way I asked God for a husband that was tall (I am 5'3"), a long last name (I got four more letter), and I wanted to walk on the beach with him! (did that a few years ago!)

So, now I should probably see if I can do something sweet for him...hum, got it! :) Enjoy your loved ones! I know I do! Blessings!

October.....

Hi, it seems like fall is definitely here! It is chilly in the morning...saw my breath this morning! One of our dogs didn't want to walk on the frost...poor baby! :) We went for a walk before lunch...it was nice. Sun was shining and it's cool enough to wear a jacket! Lots of fresh air.

You know you never know how your day is going to go and what you are going to learn. Can you imagine that things could happen that would blow you away! Of course, the good and the bad. It was about a year and a half ago the this was going around...When you woke up, the first thing you said was surprise me God. I did that for a long time!! My attentiveness was really tuned in...somedays the surprises were little, a teachable moment, made me smile, but best of all was the day we got surprised with Kristina. Dan and I were SO surprised...it was a miracle. Out of the clear blue.

I guess, I am going to try to do that again...asking God to surprise me, not that I want the answer to our adoption. God knows and when the time is right then, I will know. Remember the p word? Yep, that is my word. I claim it. Now, don't get me wrong...I still think about it from time to time...but now I wait PATIENTLY!! And I live through other people who are adopting! Can you believe the parents who get children and the children that get the parents? Families!! I love that word!!