Death...

My great uncle passed away on Friday morning. It was like having an out of body experience for me. I couldn't believe it..and somewhat still don't. Everything went so fast..from feeling fine one day, and then three days later passed away. When the doctor pronounced that he had passed, I asked him several times if he was sure.

I have never touched a just passed away person..but I kept holding on to his hand and never wanted to let go. I wanted to scoop him up and bring him home..the waves of emotion hit so hard they take my breath away.

He was a man that I looked up to, had fun with, listened to, and most of all loved very much! There will never be anyone like that again. I have so many fond memories, and that will help through the times of many tears.

The funeral will be at the end of the week..

My great uncle knew about John and how much he was wanted by us. He will now watch from heaven the awesome things that God does...first hand! How cool is that? God is good!!

So many things...

I have so many posts in my head, but I am too tired to get them out. I just got back from the hospital from where my my g-uncle is. We had to take him in he had severe pain..come to find out it was his gallbladder. That was yesterday, I think, yes...then last night he took a turn for the worse, and has been going down hill since. It was a hard decision for me to leave, almost guilty that I should be there when he passes...but other family memebers came, so after many tears..so many. When I told him that I loved him..he looked at me.. It seems like he is in so much pain, he has been in and out all day, but unable to say anything. He squeezed my hand several times... gotta go can't see through tears..

My daughter...

My daughter means the world to me! She is so wonderful to have in our family! :) We were on our way to the doctor for her well exam...and shots. On the way, music going..no conversation between us..and out of the blue she says "John is coming". Brought tears to my eyes...she has said this many times before... I asked her who was bringing him..and she said God is..

So, she must think about him..or she is speaking what God puts in her heart?

By the way she did cry and I cried right along with her..she got band-aids and a treat, what did I get? NOTHING..but I have my daughter and that is all that matters! :)

Adoption...

I have been thinking a lot about that word. What does it mean to me? Several things, but first a Webster dictionary meaning. Adoption is a noun meaning the act of adopting. Now, I looked up adopt and the meaning is a verb meaning to take by choice into a relationship, also to take voluntarily (a child of other parents) as one's own child.

Well, that sounds like what we are doing.. But it means to me also that God is giving me a gift, a generous gift of life to have forever. And to have it for my very own! (of course Dan's too) I will take the gift as my/our own. Long time ago, way before Kristina was even born..God knew who would be adopting her. That is so cool! She is ours to call our own...by our choice and with tons of God's help, our patience..(taught to us by God!!!!), our love (through God's eyes), and most of all FAITH!!

That is the same way with Jovan. Ours to be our very own..he is voluntarily chosen by us, but gifted to us by God!! See, I knew that he would be ours..call it intuition, call it wishful thinking, call it God's will..And because I believe in God..and He has the final word...It was His will. I love the fact that God knows ALL!! He knows the timing that is right down to the second!! Wow, how cool is that! He plans it that way...and very glad, because I would have messed this adoption up a long time ago! :) Because I would have done it my way! Now, I have a peace and can rest knowing that God's timing is right for us! :) Don't get me wrong...tomorrow would not be soon enough for us! :)

Adoption is a wonderful word..children that get families, "special needs" children get families who want them voluntarily! No gun was placed by our heads to adopt our son!! We wanted him all on our own..God leading the way and placing the tug on our hearts! Yipeee

Yes, adoption is a hard process!! An emotional roller coaster..can be a nauseating ride!! Every step of our first adoption I was so nauseated!! Oh my!! This adoption I am nauseated at the steps..but not so bad! And I cry a lot!! For the good times and the bad!! Sometimes though adoptions are very easy and quick!! Praise God for those! We have wanted Jovan for what seems like a lifetime..but knowing God is in control makes it not seem so long!! :)

It is surreal that we are doing this again...I knew we would be, but to be doing it is another story! :) We are very excited to be going!! Planning things SO much better then before!!

I can't remember if I told this story before...the "airport" story. We were on a layover in Amsterdam and we got to talking to this really nice couple. They said they were going to their vacation home... I can't remember where they lived..outside of Jovan's country. Anyway, we chatted for quite a while. We got to Belgrade..did all the stuff you need to do, then we looked for our driver. Could NOT find him anywhere. Okay, panic was creeping in. Then I started to pray..."oh God", we are alone..help us, please. I was reminded by God, that we were not alone..He was in control and we needed to trust HIM! Dan says..what are we going to do..for once he was the nervous one! :) Then the couple asked if we needed help, we told them about our driver..and they went to talk to a group of people. After, they came over with a couple and their child who offered to take us to a hotel. SCARY!! But, I had a peace...and we went with them. Did you all remember that we are in a foreign country!!! We did NOT speak Serbian. No one except God knew what we were doing!! Oh my!

We got to the hotel, checked in..and sat. Not sure what to do. We were hungry.. so off we went in search of food. (it was Sunday, and nothing was open) While we were walking, I said here we are all alone!! Then I said together..we were together where we are adopting our little girl!!

After our search for the illusive food..we tried to figure out how and what in the world to do next. Then we remembered..we could get info off our word documents...DUH!! We then called the person helping us..and she was able to get a hold of our driver that would take us to the apartment that we were renting. A walk to the restaurant in the hotel, revealed some very unfriendly faces. So, we went back up to wait.. I figured out that there was room service..and we had a pizza and a coke brought up. :)

Our driver came..and we got to the apartment. See, the timing was perfect! All the lessons we would NOT have learned if we would have gotten picked up at the airport right away! :) It was an expensive lesson to learn! I am going to have all the info etched in my arm so I know! :) God I am sure will find new lessons for us to learn!! :)

There is of course LOTS of emotions that go along with adopting and any adjective would probably fit! :) We are on our journey of ADOPTION...what a mind bending, faith learning, trust building, and most of all a life changing journey!! Praise God!

Thoughts...

I was wondering if it is a good thing to try to explain death to Kristina? We thought maybe to start..she knows about Jesus. So to tell her that they are going to live with Jesus. And we won't see them for a long time. They are going to be very happy. I don't want to overload her with every detail, but I think that what we are saying..works.

Never have been in any situation close to this..when I left my g-uncles yesterday I was exhausted!! Like combat..my dad said. He went with and drove for which I am SO very thankful. He watched Kristina while I did things for my g-uncle. It was so great..

Today, my mom and I are going down..little bit of housework and grocery shopping. Tomorrow, I am on my own. And that is as far as I am going with any plans.. A very good friend is going to watch my little girl..it will be fun for her to play with her friends. She is right in the middle of their ages.. :) Fun for her!!

I need to switch gears and get ready to go.. I already have a bag packed to go. Just loose ends before I head out the door.

And on a side note..my mom told me this morning that she can not wait for John to come!! She is so excited to help get everything ready for him. Maybe this weekend I will pick out a paint color for some excitement. I LOVE to paint..so maybe that is what I will do for some good mental health. Ohhh AWWW Cool beans!! :) My heart is full of LOVE! Thank you God!!

Our Second Butterfly...

My little boy, what can I say..we are coming. I thought about you today..I cried. Right away I wanted your little arms around my neck. To hear you, to hold you, I already love you.. You will have your mommy and papa very soon..

It's kinda funny, I am so much calmer this time around. One thing at a time.. Maybe because we have done it all before. It just seems like a piece of cake. Already have most of our things together. The doctor appointments are later this month.. we could be done with everything in a months time. Of course that is not the fingerprints..or the approval from the US government.

I told my hubby that I was definitely going to buy Kristina some shoes at this great kids shoe store!! Oh my, it was the cutest! :)

Well, the dogs are crying...and Kristina needs to be tucked in..

Peace...

Here is the deal..there is impending death in my family. People that I am very close to. My great uncle who is like a father/grandfather..kinda person. Love him to pieces!! I am like a daughter to him. You get the point. I saw him today and he was very weak, and so thin! We are trying new medication so he does not suffer so badly. I had to stay focused and talk a lot to God!! Peace came over me...one thing at a time. One person at a time.

My grandmother went to her follow up doctor appointment..we found out that she is dying as well. She is going slower then my great uncle...but she will go in and out like she did this weekend. Painful to watch..but they both will be seeing Jesus and dancing with the angels! So, for that I am so happy and full of peace! Thank you God.

Here is a verse... The Lord turn His face toward you and give you peace. Numbers 6:26 (NIV)

A Verse For Today...

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28 (NIV)

That's me...but I am looking up and taking one day at a time..things are going okay for us at the moment. Going to visit my g-uncle today with my dad, and my mom is going to take my grandmother to her doctor appointment today. I am so thankful that I have parents that are still able to help out. I love them very much!!

God is teaching me to go slow and take one day at a time...we have no idea what the next day holds! Isn't that the truth!! We ended up taking my grandmother to the emergency room yesterday afternoon...she has to have more blood work done today. Uffda!

My husband and I are trying to plan an evening out...movie, dinner, sitting in the car talking, who knows. I am not a movie going kinda person..but I would go to make my husband happy. :) I love him very much and would make any sacrifice to help him or make him happy. :) We have been married for eighteen years eight months and sixteen days! Love that man!! And I am writing all of this in green because it is my favorite color!! :)

Now I must get a bag ready for Kristina to take to my g-uncles.

Out of the mouths of sisters...

Not my sister..but my little Jovan's sister!! Read on! :)

Yesterday, Kristina and I went to her CF doctor appointment. She goes every three months, to make sure her lungs are functioning at their best. Her doctor said she was doing great, and she was healthy. Oh, praise God!! She is growing and thriving!! :)

Anyway, we met with my friend who works in the building..D asked Kristina how she was and she said that Jovan was coming and he was her brother. I was shocked! We had just barely talked to Kristina about him... She knows who he is.. And she has said several times out of the clear blue that he is coming, and that has been happening for months and months. (We try not to talk about him much in front of her) We don't want her to get confused if he does not come.

When I got home..I checked my emails and one popped of the page! Yep, things are moving along for us. Basically, it shouldn't take more then several months to complete our adoption. I know of course that God can close the door at anytime..but right now the door is still open to be able to get our son. I was not expecting that kind of email for a couple of months..never thinking that it would be done in several months... Uffda...exciting times ahead! Thank goodness, there is not much prep to be done to get him home. Fresh coat of paint is about it. Have everything else...thanks to my mom and sister's hand me downs. :) Keeping everything in the family!

Took a LONG moment and watched the Inauguration of the new President. I tried to explain what was happening to Kristina on tv. When I told her about Obama..she repeated his name as "Ohmymama" We need to pray for our new members of government.. They have a big job ahead.

Then helping my grandmother...humm... Well, have lots to do and take care of. And I am excited to prepare for my son coming! :)

Time...

My little Jovan, I have waited for you for a very LONG time! But, what is time? I look and see that we have been waiting five months and one day since being committed to adopting you. Actually we have waited so much longer...it's a funny thing... It seems to me that our love never fails for you. Cool beans! I know that is what God's love for us is as well! Can't wait to teach you that! I love you my little Jovan! God will be gracious to you! That is what your name means!

I miss you very much! Your soon to be papa and sister were outside sliding down the "sewer mound". Can't wait to have you join them!! And for so many other things to see and do! We love you my little Jovan! It will be so awesome when we here that you will be in our arms instead of just our hearts! I am going to squeeze you and "sing" to you like I did before!

There is your papa and your sister.. having some fun..waiting for you. :)

A few Bible verses...

2 Samuel 22:33 (NIV) It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect. I am definitely keeping that one close to my mind and heart! :)

Hebrews 11:1 (NIV) Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. That is so also my verse to take to heart! :)

Life and Death...

Today, well actually very early this morning that was on my mind. My grandmother got up and was very ??? I don't even know how to explain it..she was "jabbering" a mile a minute in Ukrainian. She was talking so fast and sloppy that I could not understand her. I had to help her to the bathroom..meanwhile I was trying to call my mom per request of my grandmother. Hubby had to drive over and get her. We are putting a phone right NEXT to her head!!!

Anyway...I didn't know if I should call an ambulance..or let her rest. She did not appear to have "stroke like" symptoms. She was just weak and a little mixed up. Trust me, I know what she looks like when she has had a stroke. Labor Day 2006 was the day she had one in my arms!! I freaked out!! Never want to live through that again. Well, she went to lay down again, and my mom came. We watched her..then almost two hours later..we went through it again, only not as bad. She is better..sleeping!! Most of the day, she did get out of bed to eat a brunch meal. When she went to get back into bed, she could not figure out how to do it..well, then mom and I thought about the ambulance again..I got her to sit down and kinda lifted and shoved her into place on her bed. Maybe we made the wrong decision..she did not want to go. She just wants to die, in March she will be ninety. Arthritis is all over her body, and she is in constant pain. She begs God to take her..she weeps that request over and over.

Back to the life and death thing..I was praying to God..asking for help, patience, understanding, peace while she was/is going through whatever phase this is. I am not fluent in Ukrainian, I understand a ton more than I can speak..at least I know the soothing, calming, loving words! :) In my life right now I have two elderly people that are dying. That would be death..do you look ahead and try to figure out when they are going to die? Today, tomorrow, next week? Are they going to make it to their next birthday? I don't know..but God does! Thank goodness!

I realized that I need to live day to day..sometimes hour to hour. To "panic" about what may happen, is not the way to live! I can't remember the exact words about leaving tomorrow alone, because today has enough trouble in it. Something like that..

Then there is life! I am thankful that there is! When I think of life, besides being thankful to God..I think of Kristina's mother. She gave birth to her..then she allowed her to be adopted to have a healthier life. So really giving her "life" again. With her CF she probably would not live as long as in the US. Life is so very precious! No matter what your age..life is in you.. We waited a LONG time to have a new life living with us.. Our life came to us.. God allowed her to come to us! He already had the plan for us and her life. That is so cool, and such a peaceful reminder to treasure life. Be thankful and joyful for life! Your life, spouse, kids, in-laws, you get the picture!

Without God in my life..boy, I think I would not be the person I would want to be! As we wait for another life to come to us..it is going to be different, as I will take one day at a time. Treasuring the life I have today. Some people in their lives struggle with physical pain, emotional pain, both, and so much more..I know this.. Life is a gift..

Update...
Today is Monday..last night my grandmother got up and took herself to the bathroom, not needing an ounce of assistance. I was a little nervous to check on her..about the same time I was going to check..she got up. I asked her if she was okay..she said fine, but she was so tired earlier in the day. She knew that it was night and everything was okay... Chipper as a little birdie.

This morning I went to check on her and she was still chipper as a bird..Praise God!! :) Then she told me that she thought she had something wrong with her yesterday. I said yes, I thought so too. And I also asked if that happened again..would she want to go to the hospital. Her answer was already what I knew (she has told me several times before), that no she did not want to go. If she was going to die..she wants it at home. We pray that is how she will go. God knows best..

I forgot the most important thing!!!!!!!! Last night I was heading to bed and all of a sudden, I felt such a peace!! Oh, praise God He is so good to me!! I made it through yesterday without thoughts about tomorrow!! So, all is good here. :)

Spring...

I was driving to my great uncles today and I was about twenty-eight minutes from home..then it hit me! Like a ton of bricks!! The verse that I posted kept going over and over in my head..and I was talking to God. Then, all of a sudden...BOOM! My heart was filled with so much "spring like" feeling I wanted to SHOUT. The peace, joy, and happiness was incredible. God was good to me!! No IS good to me!! It was so awesome!

Could hardly contain myself!! WAHOOOO Grinning from ear to ear! Was awesome!

When, I got to my uncles, his curtains were still shut..it was noon time...not a good sign. I begged God to give me the strength and go before me! He was not doing well..extremely nauseated! Weak..and very thin. I just did what he needed...and God was with me and helped me be strong..that means no crying! We were there for several hours..going back tomorrow, as he has new meds to be dealt with. And general housekeeping things to do. But, my mom, dad, and hubby are going with. In fact, when I went out to shovel his snow..I called my mom and asked her to come over..she came right when the nurse came. I was glad to have the back up support.

Tonight we went to our first Bible study lesson on the ten traits you want your children to remember you by. It was great. Potluck, childcare, and a lesson. What more could a person ask for? :)

It's late...but we get to sleep in till six instead of four ish! Yippeee Love Saturdays!! No projects to speak of tomorrow..just my great uncle's place. Maybe a nap? OOH wouldn't that be nice? :)

A Verse...

We wait in the hope of the Lord, he is our help and our shield. Psalm 33:20 (NIV)

That's my verse for the day! :) Happy day going! :)

COLD...Thoughts...OW...

Okay, first..the COLD! My gosh, it's -33 degrees out!! Who measures that stuff? It's just plain COLD!!! No wonder the dogs cry when they go out to potty! Poor little hands and feet! I can't get over how cold it is..and to think that people don't have adequate heat..everywhere! Here in the US and overseas. I read that people in Europe have died from the cold. So, please understand that I am not complaining..just amazed at how cold it is out! I am going to see what or if I can do anything about helping keep people warm...

Next, is my thoughts..I have many. One of them is my daughter..my wonderful special daughter. Who in spite of her owie, is adjusting. She has a wonderful attitude..does not complain..just an "ow" every now an then. Oh, she gets frustrated that she can not cut her food, and hates to ask for help. Tuesday no Wednesday daddy took her to an orthopedic doctor and he put her arm in a hard splint. Like the bottom is cast like that wraps around her elbow and then it is wrapped in an ace bandage. She has to wear that for two weeks.

Now, does that face look cute. She came out of her room last evening and had wrapped her dolly's arm like hers is. Cute as a bugs ear! It's funny, I had almost the same dolly growing up as she does. My grandmother gave it to me for Christmas when I was her age.

One of my other thoughts..my great-uncle. It is hard to see him lose himself. He is not at all what he was even before Christmas. The weight loss is the first thing you see. Then his energy level in basically non-existent anymore. Today, I am going to asses his living situation..and if he needs someone there more and more hours in a day. He has lived alone, so having people around all the time, gets a little stressful for him. Have to pray!! God will have to go before me and guide my steps when I decide what has to be done. My hubby has already agreed to spend nights there. So has my mom. That may be my next step. Then dragging my grandmother with me on some days, will have my grandmother not staying alone for ever during the day. She gets lonely! :) Misses the excitement of my daughter! :)

When I think of death..peace comes to mind! Not suffering and resting in the arms of my Father, who loved me first. I know that my g-uncle will have that..but it is so hard to see him go through it..the suffering part. But, peace will soon come for him! And I am so thankful that he will have that peace! Not to worry!

Some days, I spend most of the day praying and talking to God, about the things around me. It is making me a stronger person and also more dependant on Him! Which in turn gives me a great feeling! I am not alone! I have a Father, one to call my own! Yep, someone to help me.

Or course, my little boy is in my thoughts as well! As are the other families adopting! I get so excited for them, I can hardly stand it!! They are in my prayers all the time!! And the government and the person helping us! All in God's timing! :) Not to worry!

Oops..guess I combined my thoughts with the OW. Oh, well! You can see that she is doing just peachy! She is right handed..but now due to her owie she is forced to be left handed. Which speaking as a left handed there is nothing wrong with that!! :) Eating is no biggie for her..and she also can color left handed! Fun to see how she problem solves..but takes a split second and away she goes! Wish I was that fast to adapt! :) Better go and get her treatment done, so we can move along with our day!

An Outing...

Well, my daughter and I went on an outing..in this freezing cold weather. Yep, our outing was to the ER. Kristina hurt her elbow. Kinda like a sprain.. I was very proud of myself..I only cried twice. They took x-rays, and nothing was broken. Thank you God!! The doctor said that the growth plate in the elbow can get an "owie"..if the plates are moved just so. She was watching tv and rolling around..then she started to cry.

So off we went..we were there three hours! Uffda! But, I am so thankful that she is okay. She even started to feel a little better by the time we left.

There she is resting and watching tv...my baby! I love her and so glad she is okay!

MORE HOCKEY...

We went to another hockey game for my nephew. It was about a twenty-five minute drive away. (more on that later) Kristina absolutely LOVES it. She would go everyday if we let her. My sister hates it when I cheer. :) I can yell really loud..per my nephew asking me to. she can't stand the way I yell Tigers. Which, I can't control..it just comes out that way. I have been teaching my daughter to cheer as well..when I stop yelling, she starts in. :) It's the cutest thing!!

My nephew wants her to play..and we will teach her to skate..in a month or so when hockey is done and there is free ice time. I skated when I was a teen-ager, and loved it also!!

I had my sister take a picture of the family hockey outing.

Kristina and I have matching jackets. :) (that's Land's End!!) Daddy and John will have matching too! It's just me...won't be able to do that when they are older..so I am taking advantage of it now! :) We are a happy family (minus our little boy/brother)! Can't wait to take him out to watch some hockey too! :) I have a feeling we would have fun doing anything!! Camping in our state parks is something that I have already looked in to. We rough it..but with electricity! :) Have to do her treatments..and mommy needs her fan! :)

Spiders...

Not the kind of spiders you make think..My mom makes spider blankets for all of her grand kids. She made Kristina's right before we left. And my dad just brought John's over. It is very special to me to have her make them. My daughter LOVES hers and I know that my son will as well.

A verse I saw this morning... John 14:18 (NIV) I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. God loves little children! No matter where they are, whether they have a mommy or daddy..if they are healthy, if they are not..God loves them! God doesn't leave the mommy's and daddy's either. He loves us! And if we accept Christ and love him, we become adopted into God's family! How cool is that! Think about that today.

I took pictures of the blankets...of course I had to, it really melted my heart!

Kristina's Blanket

John's BlanketMy children's Spider blankets... They are made with their grandmother's own hands and they are made differently..because all of her grandkids are unique in their own way. :)

Christmas...

Christmas is over, both in America and in Eastern Europe too. :) So, today I will be taking down the decorations..by myself to surprise my hubby. Big job..but if I really pace myself, it will get done in a couple of hours. The best part is I can push the tree right out our sliding glass door to the outside! :) Then is can be burned...

I did not take many pictures this year..was a bit preoccupied with my g-uncle. My daughter knows that Christmas is the birthday for Jesus.. We had fun as a family on Christmas day. It was really nice, then later we had a trip to gramma's and grandpa's for a crock pot supper. It was like a little buffet. My dad loves to cook, and it good at it. :)

Here are some pictures...

Emotional...

Yesterday Kristina and I were very busy..going to the doctors and to pick up meds/and such. I was getting worn out. We were at the pharmacy counter and I was chatting with the pharmacist, and out of my baby's mouth came "what's your name". And most of you know reading my blog I can get emotional. She has never said that before..and never those words..she knows and can say a TON of words..but to put a new sentence together it touched me. We have been working on speaking and asking for things in a sentence. And it's working! I think that she was not ready..even a month ago. A light bulb went off and she has really taken off.

Her health is good. She really embraces life and the people in it. Right now she is an Indian running around the kitchen island. Later, I am going to shoo her outside. Now she has turned into a train..complete with the choo choo sound. What an imagination she has, as most kids do.

Today is what I try to call the last day to straighten up. We try to get all of the housework done so that there is little to do on Saturday except for projects I can not do alone. My little girl is supposed to be picking up her babies and puzzles in her room. She has other "chores" to do today as well. Figure that it is a good way to teach responsibilty...and being helpful. :)

Snow...

Yesterday Kristina and I went outside to play. Boy, the snow was deep..came up to just below my knee. Anyway, we trudged outside and we made a "slide" down the "sewer"mound. (not exactly sure what it is called)

After a few runs down..I went down several times, and it was FUN! Then she told me to lay on my stomach and she sat down on my back and said gidee up. So we went down that way several times. If she leaned forward we went much farther. We rolled around and slid down the hill for almost an hour. Now mind you she did not have a nap..she went to bed early. And I fell asleep on the couch about an hour later..and slept like the dead! :) Best night of sleep I have had in a long time! :)

Now we are getting ready to go see my g-uncle. The nurse comes today and there a few new health concerns to deal with. And maybe a trip to the store for him. Thank goodness his is only a few blocks away instead of 25 minutes! Off we go...

Rejected...

My only daughter rejected me!! It was quite a shock to me!! She did it to me twice! Here's the quick story..we finally made it home from the grocery store. Takes a little more time pushing a wheelchair and pulling a cart. Can go MUCH faster by myself! :) But the "girls" had fun. We stopped for a burger on the way home. Quite a treat! (we went to Culver's) sorry james! :)

When we got home..unloaded, took the boys potty, since I was on my way up..put a load in the dryer and washer, told Kristina to get her laundry, got her snow gear ready to go outside, put away the groceries, then came the rejection!

She got out her new puzzle she got for Christmas..100 pieces. So, I went to sit down with her to help her out, as the pieces were half of her other puzzles. I got to put a few pieces together.. then she shooed me away..sent me to the computer. I kind of ignored her...then with much more emphasis she shooed me away! Now she is singing and giggling like some crazy child! We are trying no nap today..so maybe she will wear herself out.

Now, she has the nerve to ask me for help.... :) silly goose! Wish you could the "noise" behind me! She is singing "I need you" to the Barney theme song. Better go and help the "pearl" as my husband calls her!

New Day...Today this was the view out my kitchen window. It was awesome..then it got covered by clouds shortly after I took this picture. It's so exciting to see what the day holds for me. Good? Bad? I don't care.. Maybe through the death that surrounds me..God is showing me life and a way that I need to live. It's cool!

I do have to say..it is very hard to look at sleeping people..God has to help me work through that. Yesterday when I went to my great-uncle's he was sleeping...Oh, I told God to be with me as I checked on him..because I was alone with Kristina. (I am teaching her about his death and not seeing him anymore...he is going to live with Jesus and we will see him again) Then last night, I rolled over and could not feel my hubby breathing, I sat up and as I was..Dan asked me what was wrong. Dan's brother died at the age Dan will be this year. I know that Dan is very healthy, and his brother was not. It just kinda freaked me... I am not afraid of their deaths, because they are getting to go to heaven...maybe just the thought of someone taking their last breath on my watch..God will be there with me, and I need not be afraid..just handle it the best way I can with God! :)

Boy, a lot on death...but there is soooo much more to life! And today I am going to live it! And we are going on a field trip! Kristina, my grandmother, and myself! (just to the grocery store :) She doesn't like the oatmeal I bought..fussy, fussy, but I love her!!! Enjoy your new possibilities!

A New Day...

You have to read my earlier post before you read this one. I talked about possibilites..what could happen. Don't skip it..read it. As you can see I am writing in John's colors. We are still waiting for everything to fall into place..we don't know when but God knows the exact time we will be able to go and get our son. I put a note on the front door..to tell hubby that we have to keep the faith bucket full and to keep trusting God! So, some positive news..that it is still a work in progress.I always wanted to do something like that! In my old age I am able to not spill the beans so fast..granted I had to find out where he was, so I called and he was close enough to home that I could wait to tell him. :) If he had been any further away...it would have been a tough call! ;)

And I remember saying something about the fact that I was in tune with God! I took another picture...painting in the sky!It is amazing..the picture doesn't really do it justice! Orange, pink, yellow, and of course BLUE! I am being silly now...got that from my daughter! She has been like that all day! Those colors are in my blog too! Okay, I'll quit! :) We had a good day, went to see my great-uncle. He was okay..just so tired!! We spent a good chunk of the day with him. And we are going back on Wednesday. I am trying to get my grandmother to go with us..maybe I can convince her! :) Right now, my grandmother using her walker is trying to run over my daughter who is doing somersaults down the hallway! Those two.. The giggle sisters!

Time for a vest treatment before supper..more time to unwind before bed! No nap! :) YEA!!!

Today...

Today is a new day, with endless possibilities! Can you imagine all the things that could happen? God is in control and he's "driving my bus"! Love that. Doing my night-time and my morning devotions it was confirmed to me that the direction and choices are in tune to what God wants. Praise God!

Today is a new day. Thank you God! Refreshing new! Brand new! Look forward to the possiblities..being thankful, being a light for Christ, offering encouragement, comforting someone in need, have a teachable moment with God, loving your child/ren, praising God! Wow, and so much more! Only imagine! On with my day!

A Moment..

I am having a Jovan moment! My family is sleeping and some are snoring! My hubby and Calvin! Was getting ready to read my Bible and do my devotions..sometimes the moments sneak up on me. It's not really a sadness..but a true feeling of missing someone! Pain..right in my heart. As my post earlier in the day..I am turning the pain into praise! Praise that I met this little boy..and enjoyed time with him! Praise knowing that God is God! Praise that there is someone helping find families for these children. Praise that there is comfort in God. Praise that we have so many blessings.

Thank you God for everything that you are teaching me about all kinds of blessings! Lessons to learn, moments that will help me grow and love you more!

HOCKEY...

We just got from my nephew's hockey game. My daughter has now learned to cheer like her mommy!! :) It's the cutest thing. I am so proud! :) She is just glued to the "glass"..I do believe that we will NOT let her play hockey. It's too stressful..not really, just afraid of her getting hurt. When my nephew goes down..it makes tears run from my eyes. Sappy I know...but it's just that he's Auntie's baby. (he is thirteen) And he knows that he will ALWAYS be that! Actually, I feel that way about my niece and nephews! Emmanuel, lives the closest and we were/are involved in his life. I was there at his birth... enough sap!

It is so nice to be able to do things like that as a family and extended family. To be able to support one another.. is pretty cool

Well, my daughter is quite on the excited side..to bad there is so much snow, I would send her to run around the house! :) It gives all something to do...maybe the Vikings would have won if we stayed home? Too bad. Now I have to get activities for tomorrow as we are going to my great uncle's to get him set up for the week. He had a rough day today..my sister called me a couple of times..she was with him. We are praying that he will not suffer.. But, I am thankful that we can talk about how good God is!

SNOW BUNNY...

My little girl is outside! We got about 6 inches of fresh snow. She went out last night and played for a while. There is snow up to her swing, but she tried to swing anyway! :) My husband said it was the cutest thing. Snow drifted up to the back garage door, so I put her on a slide and she slid into the backyard! :) Cutest thing!!

Her papa has to finish snowplowing..he did enough to get us out of the driveway for church. The roads were slick going on the main highway. We drive about twenty-five minutes and I think that I grabbed my handle several times..even saw a car in the ditch, and a few fresh tracks that went off the road! :(

Our pastor was sick this morning..and the other ones were out of town..so our music director lead services today. It was the best...it was like angels singing in heaven! Dan and I feel so "light" and peaceful!! I am one of the angels that the verse about making a joyful noise unto the Lord is for! :)

A Song...

There is a song that was sang that reminded me of the time waiting for Kristina. We have dubbed it her song.. I always have tears when I sing it! It's called..
"Blessed Be Your Name"
Blessed be Your name in the land that is plentiful Where Your streams of abundance flow, Blessed be Your name And blessed be Your name when I’m found in the desert place, Though I walk through the wilderness Blessed be your name
Every blessing You pour out I’ll turn back to praise And when the darkness closes in Lord, Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord Blessed be Your name Blessed be the name of the Lord Blessed be Your glorious name
Blessed be Your name when the sun’s shining down on me When the world’s “all as it should be” Blessed be Your name And blessed be Your name on the road marked with suffering Though there’s pain in the offering Blessed be Your name
You give and take away You give and take away My heart will choose to say Lord, blessed be Your name

There are several times when there are repeats in the song...but the words are all there. I am not sure who wrote it or even sings it...other then us! :) After singing the song, I thought about all the families adopting and prayed for them! I prayed that God would give them peace and the strength to endure the ups and downs of adopting. And to make their FAITH stronger while waiting. I also thought of the testimony that is shown through all the families that know God and their children will know Him as well. How cool is that..not only knowing that they have a mommy and a daddy, but also a Father in heaven! I was so excited for that...I wanted to shout out while we were singing and praying! Praise God for the families who listened to God's calling!!

I prayed for John, my love for him is strong! My prayer was that God would continue to make him strong. And I could "see" him while I was praying.. I know that sounds unreal..it is hard to explain.. God is stronger than any thing and any person/s..and right now I have faith that he will be our son one day..maybe even soon. My mom asked me the other day if it was hard for me to know that he was getting older..he is six. I said no, I never think about his age..he will succeed to whatever heights that God wants us to guide him to. My "son" has a spirit that shines! God is with him and for that I am thankful!

The Vikings are about to start..I am a fair weather fan, I watch the beginning, middle and sometimes the end. If they are on at noontime..then I nap while "watching". :) Need to claim my spot on the couch..Calvin wants to be held and loved..

HAPPY NEW YEAR...

Wow, another year gone.. I still feel like it should be the end of November. Maybe that way I can keep my self younger? :) It was a good day for us. For that God I am thankful! We were just kinda lazy..then had to run and get more kleenex! With everbody having colds we just ran out. I always have like three boxes put away..because we make Kristina cough out her flem. So, we were out. :(

I am too worn out to list everything about 2008 that was a highlight to me..whether it was a blessing or a lesson. (had LOTS of the lesson part!) Being thankful is what I would like to remember about 2008. Even this past week about my great-uncle and his death. He is most likely not really going to suffer! That is huge for me... And of course I could go on and on about what a HUGE blessing my daughter is! :) She has just come alive..activity, speech, and HEIGHT! Oh, my! ;)

Christmas will be posted in a few days...kinda slow I know. But what I do want to share is what my dad and my daughter did after our New Year's Day meal. My dad was always busy..and was not the cuddly kinda guy. Well, it seems that my daughter has brought that out in him! It is so great to see. We got the balloon maker as a gift..and my nephew was over today and he started to make some ballons. Then grandpa and Kristina took it over. We have balloon mess all over! The dogs aren't thrilled.. Here are the pictures~

Working hard...Having fun with their creations! And beautiful crowns! :)A vision of beauty!! And so happy!

I wish everyone a HAPPY NEW YEAR! It will be so exciting to see how everyone's families grow over the next year!!