Sunday, January 18, 2009

Life and Death...

Today, well actually very early this morning that was on my mind. My grandmother got up and was very ??? I don't even know how to explain it..she was "jabbering" a mile a minute in Ukrainian. She was talking so fast and sloppy that I could not understand her. I had to help her to the bathroom..meanwhile I was trying to call my mom per request of my grandmother. Hubby had to drive over and get her. We are putting a phone right NEXT to her head!!!

Anyway...I didn't know if I should call an ambulance..or let her rest. She did not appear to have "stroke like" symptoms. She was just weak and a little mixed up. Trust me, I know what she looks like when she has had a stroke. Labor Day 2006 was the day she had one in my arms!! I freaked out!! Never want to live through that again. Well, she went to lay down again, and my mom came. We watched her..then almost two hours later..we went through it again, only not as bad. She is better..sleeping!! Most of the day, she did get out of bed to eat a brunch meal. When she went to get back into bed, she could not figure out how to do it..well, then mom and I thought about the ambulance again..I got her to sit down and kinda lifted and shoved her into place on her bed. Maybe we made the wrong decision..she did not want to go. She just wants to die, in March she will be ninety. Arthritis is all over her body, and she is in constant pain. She begs God to take her..she weeps that request over and over.

Back to the life and death thing..I was praying to God..asking for help, patience, understanding, peace while she was/is going through whatever phase this is. I am not fluent in Ukrainian, I understand a ton more than I can least I know the soothing, calming, loving words! :) In my life right now I have two elderly people that are dying. That would be you look ahead and try to figure out when they are going to die? Today, tomorrow, next week? Are they going to make it to their next birthday? I don't know..but God does! Thank goodness!

I realized that I need to live day to day..sometimes hour to hour. To "panic" about what may happen, is not the way to live! I can't remember the exact words about leaving tomorrow alone, because today has enough trouble in it. Something like that..

Then there is life! I am thankful that there is! When I think of life, besides being thankful to God..I think of Kristina's mother. She gave birth to her..then she allowed her to be adopted to have a healthier life. So really giving her "life" again. With her CF she probably would not live as long as in the US. Life is so very precious! No matter what your is in you.. We waited a LONG time to have a new life living with us.. Our life came to us.. God allowed her to come to us! He already had the plan for us and her life. That is so cool, and such a peaceful reminder to treasure life. Be thankful and joyful for life! Your life, spouse, kids, in-laws, you get the picture!

Without God in my life..boy, I think I would not be the person I would want to be! As we wait for another life to come to is going to be different, as I will take one day at a time. Treasuring the life I have today. Some people in their lives struggle with physical pain, emotional pain, both, and so much more..I know this.. Life is a gift..

Today is Monday..last night my grandmother got up and took herself to the bathroom, not needing an ounce of assistance. I was a little nervous to check on her..about the same time I was going to check..she got up. I asked her if she was okay..she said fine, but she was so tired earlier in the day. She knew that it was night and everything was okay... Chipper as a little birdie.

This morning I went to check on her and she was still chipper as a bird..Praise God!! :) Then she told me that she thought she had something wrong with her yesterday. I said yes, I thought so too. And I also asked if that happened again..would she want to go to the hospital. Her answer was already what I knew (she has told me several times before), that no she did not want to go. If she was going to die..she wants it at home. We pray that is how she will go. God knows best..

I forgot the most important thing!!!!!!!! Last night I was heading to bed and all of a sudden, I felt such a peace!! Oh, praise God He is so good to me!! I made it through yesterday without thoughts about tomorrow!! So, all is good here. :)

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